Worried. 12 month old baby girl not responding to her name

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underwater
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20 May 2017, 3:04 pm

What with your personal history and family history, your worries make more sense. Btw, I am a parent, so I understand your perspective. I still think that you are worrying excessively, though. What is obvious is that your daughter already has a lot of ability to connect emotionally with people.

About your cousin: autism comes in many varieties. If you feel that your cousin is a very unhappy person, I understand that you don't want that for your daughter, but it's unlikely that she'll be a copy of him. What makes a huge difference in a child's life is having parents who love and take care of them, and that holds for both autistic and neurotypical children. Also, being told you were defective might have affected your view of your cousin.

You obviously have very bad feelings about your childhood; that's something I understand. What guts me the most is when my kid has the same kind of bad experiences I had as a child. It's almost easier to deal with when they experience something I'm not familiar with. However, if someone tells your kid they are useless and will never graduate, you can tell her that they said this to you too, and you proved them wrong. That's a huge support right there, having a parent who understands.

Childhood is tough. You say you want her to be happy and have lots of friends and do well in school. I think most parents will have to settle for reasonably happy, having some friends and doing all right in school. Anything else is a bonus. Really. My kid is a bit older than yours, so I've been through the wringer for a while. I tend to worry obsessively as well, but things are pretty ok now after some rough years. Things go up and down.

Re: your childhood selective mutism. Sure they didn't misdiagnose you? It could have been an ADHD/autism combo, or they could have mistaken autism for ADD, which seems to be common. Yet you are quite different from your cousin, and you have had a lot of success in life.

What I've seen a lot of people in the parents' forum say is that there is a lot of hysteria about early therapy for autism, and that in a lot of cases parents should lean back and let their kid develop. You're not missing out on anything if you wait a bit, except not being emotionally available to your kid because you worry too much. Been there, done that.

I have no idea whether your kid is autistic or not, but I think you need to deal with some issues of your own, or you will worry yourself to death, and then you can't take care of your kid. Go see a therapist, your obsessive worrying is awfully familiar. You will save yourself an awful lot of trouble if you get a handle on it.

Best of luck!


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League_Girl
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20 May 2017, 3:32 pm

My dad has always told me worrying is a waste of time so I played it by ear with my son. I didn't let myself get anxiety over my child about what could go wrong. He is very active so he is pretty hyper and always on the go. He prefers to make noise when he plays. I thought he had ADHD because he was impulsive and hard to control and couldn't wait and he couldn't even function in preschool. All the other kids could wait their turn, stand in line, follow directions and he didn't so that ringed bells for me he had soemthing. He also had behavior. He was also behind in language but now he is in kindergarten and he is caught up in it but still has a few issues with talking but he can speak clearly now and he can wait his turn and wait in line and sit in a circle and follow the rules. he has gotten better at listening and I was worried he wouldn't be able to do full day in school and I was concerned about 20 kids being in his class because that is too many. But he somehow matured over the summer and can do full day. I was also worried about the teasing and the bullying because that is what I got as a child so I thought kids were maybe going to pick on him because of the way he talks and because of his issues and then he would be having low self esteem and that would be more problems for me to deal with but luckily kids don't harass him or make fun of him. He is actually happy in school and sometimes kids give him trouble but that is normal kid stuff so it's not like it's a daily basis thing and that he is often targeted where it happens to him all the time. He isn't me.

So spending all your day worrying and having anxiety about it and thinking about the what ifs and being stressed about it isn't going to get you anywhere and worrying is a waste of time of energy. Just go by see what happens and play it by ear. Just think, if she starts to show more signs of autism, then you go from there. If she is still this same baby a year later, go from there. It doesn't have to be autism. And sometimes children have false signs because some are just immature and take longer to grow than other kids and some children are just difficult meaning they're "normal" but they don't have a disorder but they cause the parents and other kids and teachers distress and themselves distress because other people don't understand them because of their personality which is something I don't understand because isn't that the impairment? And even autistic kids do better when they are accepted and when their teachers and parents change their approach with them. I just think a difficult child basically means a kid that is between normal and disorder and their only problem is people like HFA people try to argue about autism being a difference and they only have issues because of people. Then in that case that just means they're not really autistic then or unless it's denial they're in about their problems.


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I have a quilt of labels. I had a language disorder and a speech disorder. Then communication disorder NOS. My other diagnoses have been Language Processing disorder, dyspraxia, SPD, OCD, ADD, Asperger’s, anxiety disorder, adjustment disorder, anorexia nervosa. My mom’s labels of me are: eating disorder, anorexia, social anxiety, PTSD, just being sensitive and having the victim complex when I was a kid. And of course she says I’m normal and says the only thing I had as a child was language. Huh? I must have been a shitty person then and maybe a difficult child I was who had to be labeled because of incompetent school staff and mean kids who didn’t accept differences and because I was trying to be “normal.” :/

My blog: https://mynoneabdlthoughts.wordpress.com/


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20 May 2017, 4:20 pm

League Girl you mentioned your child did respond to his/her name when they were young. Do they have Autism?

How are they currently doing? Are they in regular or special needs classes?

I just walked downstairs as my parents are going to watch my daughter tonight/ she was just sitting with grandpa looking at our wedding photos.....

She isn't hyper...active yes....

Example - yesterday we went to Starbucks and she saw a little girl (3 years old) and walked right up to her... she attempted to interact with her by touching her/ the 3 year old went nuts... This baby touched me... I see nothing wrong with that.. just wanted to say hi...

Today at the supermarket I allowed her to walk a little and we ran into a 5 year old boy she walked right up to him and looked at him and babbled....

She doesn't spin or afraid of light etc... she does like to pull our stuff out of drawers, but my mom said how could that honestly be an issue... you kids did it all the time... every parent has to child proof those cabinets...

I am just praying that everything works out...

Regarding me from another poster.... No I am not ADHD/Autism... I was honestly not even ADHD... very hyperactive...

Also whether my cousin is happy I guess so.. He doesn't know.... if you say whats going on he just repeats what you say.... its unfortunately very very simple... that is what scares me... He almost seem like has some form of mental retardation....



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20 May 2017, 4:40 pm

Concerned Dad wrote:

Also whether my cousin is happy I guess so.. He doesn't know.... if you say whats going on he just repeats what you say.... its unfortunately very very simple... that is what scares me... He almost seem like has some form of mental retardation....


This behavoir is called Echolalia is and it is a thing a lot of autistics do.



As far as retardation is concerned seem is the operative word. One should not confuse Autistics not bieng able to communicate with non autistic people with mental retardation. They can overlap but they are not the same thing.


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21 May 2017, 1:54 am

[quote="Concerned Dad"]League Girl you mentioned your child did respond to his/her name when they were young. Do they have Autism?

How are they currently doing? Are they in regular or special needs classes?



My son is on the IEP and he attends normal kindergarten. He goes to speech therapy once a week for like twenty minutes a day and he also does occupational therapy on the same day and they make sure that doesn't go on during recess or any of his activities like PE or music or library. He also had a room he goes to and it seems to be a stimulation room for kids to go when they need a break from class. But he has friends and he loves school and no he isn't autistic. He's normal but just needs help in some areas like with writing and spelling and and learning to cut with scissors and write with a pencil. He gets bored with homework so I can't make him do it all day so I have him to little of it each day, two pages. He still has a short attention span. Lot of kids are in speech therapy and occupational therapy. I think 1 in 5 kids are on the IEP so that would mean at least four other kids in my son's class are also on it.

I think my son is doing good because he is on the IEP.


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I have a quilt of labels. I had a language disorder and a speech disorder. Then communication disorder NOS. My other diagnoses have been Language Processing disorder, dyspraxia, SPD, OCD, ADD, Asperger’s, anxiety disorder, adjustment disorder, anorexia nervosa. My mom’s labels of me are: eating disorder, anorexia, social anxiety, PTSD, just being sensitive and having the victim complex when I was a kid. And of course she says I’m normal and says the only thing I had as a child was language. Huh? I must have been a shitty person then and maybe a difficult child I was who had to be labeled because of incompetent school staff and mean kids who didn’t accept differences and because I was trying to be “normal.” :/

My blog: https://mynoneabdlthoughts.wordpress.com/


Jensen
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21 May 2017, 2:05 am

Honestly - your little girl doesn´t seem unusal at all - apart from obviously being very bright.
She might become a little "shy" all of a sudden, when she reaches about 2, but that would be normal for most kids, as they become socially more aware and a bit more careful.
Right now she only has 12 months of life experience, so she just walks up other children to say hi.


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21 May 2017, 5:47 am

League Girl - Thanks for all your responses.

Did your son have an issue with responding to his name when he was 8 - 14 months old? As I stated earlier that is her big issue.....

I am happy he is doing well.

I am hoping if its is only one or two issues we can catch is early and use intervention to help her overcome the issue....

Today is her 1 year old bday party...



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21 May 2017, 5:55 am

I just saw that he sometimes didn't respond.... She is very very very very rarely responding....



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21 May 2017, 6:30 am

I also tested her ability today on whether she notices objects that are hidden...

Example I showed her one of her toys and then I put it underneath a pillow .... She quickly went for it....

I even pulled out a CD (music) and then put it underneath a couch cushion... she tried but wasn't strong enough to lift the entire thing... I was happy she was able to do that....



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21 May 2017, 10:27 pm

If she isn't hearing well, she may respond more if you place yourself in front of her so she is looking at you before you speak to her. Be careful to have fun. If she senses your worry, she may show little response to what she thinks worries you, in this case, her name.

Does she have favorite songs? And does she babble much, or use words?



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22 May 2017, 8:32 am

She hears the door bell and music I believe... She likes Frozen....She reacts instantly when I sing ABC song, but I have been doing that since she was 1 month old....

Babble all the time... sounds almost like dadddy.. almost.. but who knows.... Babbling all day long.....


She actually sort of waved twice and sort of said buybuy... kind of....

We had about 12 kids at in our backyard ... a total of about 40 people.... yes she wanted mommy a lot, but she was hanging around the big girls... walking all around/ just trying to hang with them...

Also she loves peek a boo (stops watch she is doing to watch)... When I hide stuff she finds it in seconds.....

I must admit we used TV as a babysitter..... My wife is finishing up her 1st year of graduate school/ I work at home....

I can start work at 4am if I want/ will just to make sure I have more time for her once she gets up... The last 4.5days have been horrible....



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22 May 2017, 10:43 am

TV is probably the cause.
It teaches toddlers that most of human speech they hear is not directed to them so they don't have to react and reacting actually often leads to disappointment because the adult just keeps talking/does whatever, without even making an eye contact with the baby. This is exactly whet happens when baby gets interested in a voice from TV - so baby learns to ignore it. Human voice just becomes a constant noise to her brain (actually I have the same problem - I need to focus to actually hear what people say. But while it might be too late for me there is still a lot of hope for your girl).

Limit TV time and talk to her more instead.
Actually try to talk to her as much as possible. "Mommy is doing laundry. Look <name>(make eye contact, wave or clap if she still isn't looking). It's your t-shirt(show the t-shirt, smile). Yes? (smile more, make eye contact, wait for some kind of answer, body language or babble). Mommy is putting it here(put it to the washing machine) so it is clean and smells nice. <name> do you like when you t-shirt smells nice? (wait for eye contact) You do!(in excited tone of voice)" and so on.
The body language is more important than what you actually say (because the baby won't understand the grammar and most of the words anyway). Soon she will learn that your voice, especially saying her name means you are going to show or do something interesting and give her attention so it is worth to look your way.

Check it out:
http://www.raisesmartkid.com/pre-natal- ... tv-on-baby



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22 May 2017, 12:37 pm

Lot of TV time for kids under 36 months stunts their language development and their learning so it can lead to ADHD or learning disabilities in the future. A toddler's brain is developing fast, faster than a child. That is why there is a difference between a 18 month old and a 14 month old. They change every month. Then it becomes yearly after three years of age than monthly. More kids are visual these days and have language delays and learning disabilities and ADHD and it's speculated because of too much exposure to electronics. Pretty soon this will be so normal, teachers would have to change their teaching style and how they give out school work and how they make their students do it. They would also have to change their expectations for the kids so so many kids are not on the IEP. I read more kids are being diagnosed now when in fact they're normal because that is the only way they can get their education. That is what some professionals believe. My mom believes more kids are truly that way because of TV and electronics. Not that they don't have it.

But of course no parent wants their kid's behavior or problems to be blamed on their parenting so this is a touchy topic here even parents of children with disabilities get offended because they feel people are saying their kid only has a disability because of their parenting even though no one has said that about them but they feel the comments are directed at them.


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I have a quilt of labels. I had a language disorder and a speech disorder. Then communication disorder NOS. My other diagnoses have been Language Processing disorder, dyspraxia, SPD, OCD, ADD, Asperger’s, anxiety disorder, adjustment disorder, anorexia nervosa. My mom’s labels of me are: eating disorder, anorexia, social anxiety, PTSD, just being sensitive and having the victim complex when I was a kid. And of course she says I’m normal and says the only thing I had as a child was language. Huh? I must have been a shitty person then and maybe a difficult child I was who had to be labeled because of incompetent school staff and mean kids who didn’t accept differences and because I was trying to be “normal.” :/

My blog: https://mynoneabdlthoughts.wordpress.com/