Worried. 12 month old baby girl not responding to her name

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Whoa! There are horror stories about cochlear_implants - investigate thoroughly!

I think CockneyRebel's right - the Parenting Forum is the place WorriedDad's problem - there are experienced and sympathetic parents there and they'll understand very well why you are worried.

WorriedDad, maybe you could copy your first post to Parents Discussion. Or you could ask a Mod, they could do it for you.

It's not that I don't want you here, but I see unsympathetic responses and you deserve better.

That child I told you about before? His cousin wouldn't sit up. The mother was truly terrified. I think parents are supposed to be terrified; how could a baby ever grow up without the most careful attention? People who are not parents don't get it. Anyway, I know this isn't the same problem, but the boy's great aunt took him on her lap and played Oop-A-Lay! with him. She sat him facing her on her lap, held both his hands and lowered him slowly down (Ooop!) pause (A!) and slowly up (Lay!). He was laughing. They did it several times. The next morning his mother went in and he was sitting up.

I think you deserve more respect, from people who've been-there-done-that. Please drop into the Parents Forum.

Sounds like a very normal baby to me. My son didn't always respond to his name either. Toddlers are not always going to respond to their name, especially infants.

That quote made me laugh too.

But the first thing that came to my mind was "with more autism awareness going around, more parents these days are worried about their kids having it over a few things they are not doing. Third time I have seen a post like this on this forum."

She sounds like a very charming and bright kid.
Her reason for not waving, fingerkissing and responding to her name being called could be, that there are more interesting things around. She is busy exploring.
She does have eye-contact, smile at you and mimic you in other ways, but I would have her hearing tested.

However: Bethanny has a point. If your bright little girl should seem to suddenly withdraw in some way - then you should take her to a child psychologist.

Don´t worry now.
Children are very perceptive and an atmosphere full of worrying wouldn´t be good for her to grow up in. Wait and see.

I think you need a different board if her post is making you mad.

This is a board for people with AUTISM. People on the spectrum can be pretty hard core "here's the truth." The majority of the people here aren't parents, and probably have no clue what is the typical development for an 12 month old. No one is probably gonna sugar coat their answer like on a Mommy Question Forum.

Bethany IS right. If the issue of your kid not noticing her name is such a huge deal,

-take her to the pediatrician for a hearing test

-developemental pediatrician for ASD screening (they would then have a psychologist run the ASD testing)

-whoever does the early child screening for your state/county. They check for developmental delays with hearing and speech.

From your description, nothing pings for me ASD. My own NT kid didn't respond to her name for a good long time.

My ASD husband would respond to his name and quickly ignore you as a toddler. I've seen his baby videos. He'd look in the speaker's direction, and keep on doing whatever was happening.

Kids develop at different rates. There are guilde lines, but for some kids there is a big lag. They still catch up in the end.

Things my DD lagged...

Knowing her name. She didn't really get that until 14 months. I never knew to be upset.

Potty training. 4 years old to be totally accident free morning and night.

Late to write her name, learn the alphabet, color..

She was also "late" to talk understandably. I thought she was late because supposedly everyone else's kid was reciting Shakesphere. I found out from the pediatrician she was not truly late at all.

My DD had "more wrong", and ASD never was even considered.

From what you wrote it could be 1) hearing issue or 2) she's too busy living life and noticing her name isn't as interesting in whatever she is doing at the moment. Welcome to the world of toddlers. Get used to being ignored. Lol...

If you want piece of mind, get her hearing checked. I think kids get a well check up at 12 months old. Seriously, nothing you wrote screams ASD right now. Even if you tried to book a developmental pediatrician appointment, my area is about a 4-6 month wait. Unless it's a kid who is TOTALLY regressing. That is ALL the gains they have made are vanishing quickly.

For all that lag my DD had, at 13 she has been on the A average honor roll this whole year, got a scholarship for art school classes, and has more friends that I ever had.

Not being rude at all. This is an Autism site and it's a spectrum (and all conditions on the spectrum are discussed now) but it started off primarily as Asperger's focused and for adults. Most of us never experienced those types of delays as children.

Not that it relates to your child but the speech delayed type Autism is a more Kanner type of presentation. Posting in the parents section would get you more answers.

Okay, but did anyone here responding have those two issues stated and ended up living a great life????

Concerned Dad, as a parent I think the red flags to look for are not responding, not pointing, etc. and unusual rigidity.

Many people use the child's name so much that we might shorten the concern to being about a child not responding to his or her name, but it's the responding that a one year old should do. And the reciprocal interaction.

If this is one isolated issue, for a child who is otherwise happy and nothing else worries you, I agree with the advice not to worry. Agree also with thinking about whether you feel her hearing and speech development are going well, and contacting her pediatrician or early intervention for an evaluation if something seems off there.

My own brother didn´t respond - and to a degree, that he had to have his hearing examined at 4.
Nothing was wrong. He just had more interesting things on his mind.
He grew up to become a well merited, and well liked man with a fullfilling professional life, a hoard of interesting colleagues - and a couple of books on his conscience.
Many children reach their milestones in an unconventional order....very often the bright ones.
Don´t worry right now.

Last edited by Jensen on 20 May 2017, 2:03 pm, edited 2 times in total.

We do have to have her hearing checked; however, she does not respond to the TV and to the door bell ringing....

The big issue again is not responding to her name and not really listing to some commands...

Again, she is very happy... sleeps well.... always attempts to interact with other kids (big and younger).... She is just not afraid of any of that....

I can deal with the tough tough years ahead, but I always want her to be happy and I want to make sure she has lots of friends and is on the right track in school and college...

FYI - I had ADHD and was told I would be nothing... Never even able to graduate high school.. I would only speak to my mom/dad and brothers and close friends.. didn't have many....

When I started kindergarten I was so behind... My mom went to parent - teacher night and found out that I was basically in ESL... I was with two kids from Mexico... The teacher didn't realize I was from America.. It was horrible....

I finally started to shine in middle school and got into a good high school and then a good college.... Later on a very good professional career.... I have a many struggles, but I do my best to deal with them.... If that was all (WHICH IS A LOT) I could deal with it, but this seems way way worse... In a totally different league.... scares me and my wife.....

My only interaction with people who are on the spectrum would be my 1st cousin.... I am not being rude, but what he has scares me for my daughter... He can only be a janitor.... Can't hold a conversation and the only thing we can talk about is sports.... He always had to go to special schools etc and all his friends are like that...

I spoke to my mom regarding what she remembers and she said my daughter is no where near what my cousin was like at that again, but she also doesn't remember everything.

I have looked up online regarding success stories and people have overcome what she has, but its very hard and you need luck on your side...

I am just hoping for the best for my amazing girl.

I did not have verbal issues have often not responded typically to people. My public school threw me out after 2nd grade (perfectly legal in 1965) took me back for 5th grade. I graduated college and successfully held jobs. There were no accomedations, services, or even reconition I was autistic back then. Some of the most popular successful people in school are dead now after thier life became a disaster.

I did not have a great life it had its great moments and bad times which pretty similar to yours so autism does not have to be much worse.

Back to your situation.

If you have not told your pediation of your daughters family history of neurological conditions, do so because these things often run in families. ADHD and Autism traits are pretty similar and often they co occur. I would ask your pediatrition why she does not think your daughter is autistic. If you are not satisfied you have a right to a second opinion.

If you have not been assessed in a long time think about getting a new assessment because as you noted things have changed a lot since you were a child.

Yes I told her in the past.... She honestly didn't seem worried... I have also been told pediatricians are like that..... she said she smiles... makes great eye contact etc.... besides the not responding she looked good.... She said she was not even thinking of it till we mentioned it....

As I said previously, most of what you describe is typical baby stuff. Name responding isn't a big deal at only 12 months, you're going to need some patience. Your patience will continue to be tried with your child for many, many years to come.

Having Autism does not mean that someone cannot have a great life.

Do not put your expectations on what your daughter should achieve. You seem rather concerned about what she will achieve. A good education, a good job. Is having these things for her or for you? Those things are fine, but as a parent you should put a little more thought into "will she be happy" because being happy and content with wherever you are in life is really one of the most important goals.

I'm not trying to minimize your concerns, but you seem intent on deciding that if she does have Autism that she will not be able to reach the goals you've already set for her. Enjoy the time now, enjoy watching her learn because that is something you'll only get to experience once, don't spend the time worrying that she may not live up to everything YOU are hoping for.

There have been several here who have offered some good advice. You need to listen to it.

As a parent, I can honestly say that playing the "What if..." game with the future of your child does nothing but encourage even more of the grey hair your child is likely to cause anyway. It'll go by too quickly for you to waste it fearing the worst. And having Autism is far from the worst.

Everything should be taken in steps. Rule out the hearing issue before you move on to anything else. As I said before, watch for signs of regressive autism - that is when any acquired speech and other skills gained begins to drop off and the child reverts at 15-30 months.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Regressive_autism

It is always important to be prepared for every scenario in order to start planning for the future. Having a disabled child is about planning.

What with your personal history and family history, your worries make more sense. Btw, I am a parent, so I understand your perspective. I still think that you are worrying excessively, though. What is obvious is that your daughter already has a lot of ability to connect emotionally with people.

About your cousin: autism comes in many varieties. If you feel that your cousin is a very unhappy person, I understand that you don't want that for your daughter, but it's unlikely that she'll be a copy of him. What makes a huge difference in a child's life is having parents who love and take care of them, and that holds for both autistic and neurotypical children. Also, being told you were defective might have affected your view of your cousin.

You obviously have very bad feelings about your childhood; that's something I understand. What guts me the most is when my kid has the same kind of bad experiences I had as a child. It's almost easier to deal with when they experience something I'm not familiar with. However, if someone tells your kid they are useless and will never graduate, you can tell her that they said this to you too, and you proved them wrong. That's a huge support right there, having a parent who understands.

Childhood is tough. You say you want her to be happy and have lots of friends and do well in school. I think most parents will have to settle for reasonably happy, having some friends and doing all right in school. Anything else is a bonus. Really. My kid is a bit older than yours, so I've been through the wringer for a while. I tend to worry obsessively as well, but things are pretty ok now after some rough years. Things go up and down.

Re: your childhood selective mutism. Sure they didn't misdiagnose you? It could have been an ADHD/autism combo, or they could have mistaken autism for ADD, which seems to be common. Yet you are quite different from your cousin, and you have had a lot of success in life.

What I've seen a lot of people in the parents' forum say is that there is a lot of hysteria about early therapy for autism, and that in a lot of cases parents should lean back and let their kid develop. You're not missing out on anything if you wait a bit, except not being emotionally available to your kid because you worry too much. Been there, done that.

I have no idea whether your kid is autistic or not, but I think you need to deal with some issues of your own, or you will worry yourself to death, and then you can't take care of your kid. Go see a therapist, your obsessive worrying is awfully familiar. You will save yourself an awful lot of trouble if you get a handle on it.

Best of luck!