29 is closing in and nothing is getting better for me

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I will be 29 this summer but still no progress has been made for me in getting a girlfriend. I feel just as lost as I did when I was 17 and it feels like it will just continue to be that way. I've tried getting out of my rut in various ways; I get told not to give up but when you keep getting bad or disappointing results, it becomes discouraging to go on.

My therapist thinks I need to stop thinking so much about the girlfriend thing but I can't let it go. All I have left to look forward to is my death.

Ten years ago, I feared I would be in my late 20's and still single, no friends, and I still wouldn't have found my niche. I got caught in a vicious cycle and self-fulfilling prophecy.

I understand. The thing is, when there are things in life that we have no control over, it's best to focus on things that we can do and can control and get some satisfaction from.

I'm struggling to follow that advice myself at the moment. I just have no motivation. I'm just tired all the time.

I should start painting pictures again. I should also start doing my cross stitch again. And I think I'm going to buy a skateboard.

What do you like doing?

Hi Marknis,! So sorry to hear about this. I noticed a lot of the time, people meet their boyfriends or girlfriends in some kind of activity, such as school, or a hobby group or work. How often do you see other people during the week, and where do you see people? Maybe trying adding other activities in your life, so you have more chances to meet people, make some friends, and also find a gf hopefully.

I...honestly agree with your therapist here. While I could just tell you that "it's okay" or "you'll find the right one someday", it's true that being on the Spectrum makes it difficult to form romantic relationships.
But maybe you shouldn't give up on it so much as...change perspective a little. Try thinking about it from a slightly different angle. You say that you've "failed" at relationships before. What caused them to fail? What do you want out of a relationship?
And, if it helps, it's not just Aspies who have trouble with this. There's no "right" way to go about finding someone and everyone has different ways of doing it. Some people might meet up through shared interests. Other times, like with my parents, they meet through their job and mutual friendships. But one thing that's clear is that it's rarely easy to find a truly deep and meaningful relationship, which is why it is so valuable when you do find it.
Also, don't think of it as "failure". That's your first problem right there. Yes, from a biological standpoint, procreation is the whole "point" of life...but there's more to life than biology. If you are feeling unloved or simply looking for companionship, consider getting a pet or maybe joining a club with a shared interest. The latter is also a potential way to meet people and thus increase your odds of finding someone to date.
That's really all the advice I have for you.

from one aspie to another, one should remember to be careful about what one wishes for. when i belatedly, very belatedly, in my fifth decade of living, finally got what i longed for, it was a mixed blessing, teaching me and reminding me why i ended up as a hermit in the first place. it aged me. high points but also low points that were devastating. some folk just don't have the right stuff for relationships. i sincerely hope the OP has better luck.

I am always doing things alone or doing something that I can't avoid due to family. I never get to do anything with a special partner while I am surrounded by people who get to do so.

all my life i've had to do stuff alone.

I understand how you feel, Marknis. I just turned 28, and I've been working for the public library for over 10 years -- that's a long time! I tend to look at other people my age, scratch my head and wonder, "Why am I still single and living at home with my parents? How come I haven't 'moved on' with my life?" I always wonder if I'll die a virgin, never having met that special man that I want to share my entire life with, and the social awkwardness that comes with being an Aspie doesn't provide much comfort. Heck, I just got out of a relationship with a great guy, and I don't feel too good about it, either.

However, just like a former therapist told me to do, my advice to you is this: everyday, write down at least one thing you are grateful for. Life, shelter, WrongPlanet, bumblebees, the smell of gasoline -- whatever it is that makes you smile, grin, or chuckle. I know it's easier said than done, but just remember: things could always be worse than they are now. And I know things seem very bleak right now, but I agree that changing your perspective will help. Try to find the small things in life that make life worth celebrating - whether or not you find a special girl to share your life with.