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banana247
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Joined: 5 Mar 2012
Age: 26
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04 Jun 2017, 10:50 pm

My advice: Don't stress over social mistakes and don't let fear stop you from being yourself! If people would drop you just for making a small mistake or doing something that confuses them or makes them uncomfortable, then they are not the kind of friend you want anyway! If you are honest, kind, and giving, the good parts of your CHARACTER will show through and no silly mistake could make your CHARACTER worthless. When people think that your mistakes override your good character, that means they have BAD character and you probably don't want to be friend with them! Social mistakes do NOT define your character! And communication gaps are not the end of the world.

I notice my anxiety easing up as i am teaching myself to be ok with social mistakes... i mess up relationships by doing something wrong or inappropriate, hurtful, intrusive, etc. Once people start to really get to know me, my flaws come out and scare them off. Sometimes my fear of mistakes causes me to sabotage my relationships prematurely, or overthink things that aren't even an issue and then retreat from the people that i think I've offended.

I am so terrified of these mistakes and it just causes me a lot of stress, anxiety, fear, and it doesnt help because things end up the same way anyway.

BUT, i've been trying to convince myself not to not worry so much about it and it's actually helping! I know that i WILL make mistakes eventually, but it's ok. There will always be more people to try to be friends with. Not fearing mistakes helps me to loosen up some and i find it easier to follow through with "risky" moves like calling people on the phone, being more honest, giving them a present, or inviting them to come over. If it was "inappropriate" and people leave me over a misunderstanding or weird behavior, they probably weren't the kind of friend i would want anyway.



banana247
Sea Gull
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Joined: 5 Mar 2012
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 247
Location: Wrong Planet

04 Jun 2017, 10:50 pm

I know that i act out of honesty, innocence, kindness, and generosity, and i think these parts of my character show through, so a surface level mistake would be forgivable by a true friend. Those who drop me when things get a little confusing or uncomfortable and don't even try to TALK about it or seek understanding? They obviously aren't good true friends. Perhaps i will never find this type of "true friend", but it's ok as long as i keep doing my best. If i have to put on a front for people, act a certain artificial way, and suppress my childlike impulses so i don't "offend" them, that is a miserable relationship for me and i don't need it. And the same goes for YOU!! ! It's hard to believe in this when you're super anxious and depressed, but i think it's a slow process of combatting fear.

I have been thinking about this for a while and it's just now starting to feel like it helps. I really have been taking more social "risks", and even though some still end with rejection, some don't and that makes it worth it! Even if it's a mistake but the person forgives you or is willing to talk about it, that is a step in the right direction! If you always withhold yourself, you will never be understood.



Blindwolf
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05 Jun 2017, 2:26 am

I agree that only a true friend would your struggles seriously and seek to understand a thing they didn't. And that's what matters most!



ZachGoodwin
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Joined: 24 Feb 2017
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05 Jun 2017, 6:46 pm

Preach it! Love this!