Girlfriend talking to me less, started a few weeks ago

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Robben
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09 Jun 2017, 1:32 am

Some background info.. it is a long distance relationship. we met back in november and became official in february. we are both 20 and almost every day we played this online game together. we messaged each other every day and i know she really likes me. on the second day that we ever met she told me she was going to see me in person someday.

I dont know what happened but all of a sudden she changed in this past month. my birthday was last month and she kept saying she would send me something but she still hasnt. she says its a high priority for her, but she still hasnt done it. meanwhile i sent something to her back in march and it wasnt any kind of obstacle like she is making it to be. she would message me almost every morning, but for like the past three weeks its been nothing. she only talks to me now if i message her first. also sometimes i message her and she never even looks at it yet continues to post on social media. that really irritates me and makes me feel like she doesnt even care. whenever we do talk, she still has the same feelings towards me but i dont know why she stopped talking so much then. i do happen to be really quiet and i know it bothers her but i dont expect that to cause this sudden change. we havent played together in weeks. we tell each other we miss each other but i dont really feel like shes doing anything to fix it. when i asked why she doesnt talk so much anymore she said it was because she made some friends in real life and shes been out with them every day. i dont see how that would prevent her from talking to me. whenever i am with friends they spend like half of the time messaging their SO. sometimes i feel like she might be cheating but i know for sure she isnt. its her biggest fear and i know she wouldnt do it to me. just last week was the first time since we met that we went a full day without messaging each other. she is the only person i talk to regularly so it really bothers me that she is talking less. she even told me that the relationship is getting dry but i asked her what should we do to fix it and she just said she didnt know. I also asked her about why we dont play together anymore and she said its because i hardly talk on the voice chat. i dont know what kind of stupid excuse that is. i couldnt believe she said that. lately i have been thinking about leaving her but i remember she is the best person ive ever met. i am just having an extremely hard time dealing with her right now and she won't even tell me what the actual problem is.

Also I don't know if these are the reason for her doing this, but she is also really into tarot and psychics. She thinks she is a psychic herself. So a week before this started happening, she told me she went to a psychic and he told her that I am going to break up with her soon. She is nervous I will, but I won't. I feel like since she is so into this stuff, she is trying to force it to come true even though she doesn't want it to. The second thing is she told some of her friends about our relationship and they made fun of her. They told her that online relationships never work and I am eventually going to leave her for someone else so she should end it before I do. She is really nervous about that. I personally know a few people who have had successful online relationships, in fact one of my high school friends is over in England right now with her boyfriend. I just wish she would tell me what the problem is so I can fix it.



Hoggy
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09 Jun 2017, 8:29 am

I think shes clearly trying to get you to end it, and shes putting a lot of thought into ending it. I know you said she wont cheat but maybe one of these new friends is a guy shes becoming interested in and/or shes finding your becoming boring "dry" which sucks like if one of the main things you do is play games and she doesn't even want to do that anymore.

its clear to me shes no longer committed "she only talks to me now if i message her first. also sometimes i message her and she never even looks at it yet continues to post on social media" Thats a big no go when it comes to relationships, she's not even putting the time in.

It takes what like 10 seconds to reply or send to a message saying shes busy or whatnot, if shes not even putting that effort and your suppose to be her boyfriend then let her go as shes clearly not brave enough to do it herself.

let her go that's what i would do,

However first you need to have a proper conversion about it both be fully honest and mention everything, no "i dont know what the reason is" or being vague your in a relationship you both need to be fully open in this chat. The sooner you have this chat the better shes not gonna change overnight and be back to how she was at first.

Its hard being in a long distance relation but if she was hugely into you what her friends said wouldn't matter as much. I know long distance couples who have worked out its rare but it happens. So have that chat ASAP otherwise your wasting your time just thinking it all over.



smudge
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09 Jun 2017, 10:35 am

The "psychic" told her that you were going to end the relationship, and she believed it. No wonder she is trying to distance herself and is giving mixed messages, she's afraid that you're going to end it, and she's trying to end things herself slowly because she feels she has no choice. Ask her to get a second opinion on a reading. That "psychic" was completely out of order. Emphasize to her how much you love her, what the psychic said was absolute codswallop and for her to take absolutely no notice. Again, get her to have a second opinion from a different "psychic" if she stands by what they said, and tell her sometimes psychics get it wrong.


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Last edited by smudge on 09 Jun 2017, 3:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sweetleaf
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09 Jun 2017, 1:51 pm

Well to be fair you guys never actually met...I get the impression its just been 'long distance' for too long without ever having physically met each other that she is getting bored. I'd say it is in danger of fizzling out unless you and her actually make real plans to meet in person, not just talk about maybe meeting someday.

I mean I don't doubt some long distance relationships have worked...but a lot of times they don't because either one or both people get bored of it before they actually meet, one or both end up with other things going on in their lives that get in the way of talking frequently, they start to think meeting IRL if unlikely and don't want to keep waiting ect. There are just a lot of factors that can get in the way of such a thing working out.


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smudge
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09 Jun 2017, 2:56 pm

A week before it started happening, she saw this psychic. Why isn't anyone making the connection to this? She clearly believes it. It is the reason she has changed.


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0_equals_true
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09 Jun 2017, 5:02 pm

smudge wrote:
A week before it started happening, she saw this psychic. Why isn't anyone making the connection to this? She clearly believes it. It is the reason she has changed.


Anyone who makes a judgment based on that isn't very mature. Or at least far enough on the schizotypal spectrum that it would be difficult to get a consistent position on anything.

Also if it sounds far fetched it probably is, not to poor cold water on it, but it could just as well be an excuse.



Last edited by 0_equals_true on 09 Jun 2017, 5:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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09 Jun 2017, 5:08 pm

I agree with others. The lack of contact matters.

Long/mid distance relationships can work to an extent on the condition there is some contact. Very rarely are electronic relationships viable. There has to be real life interaction, I know from experience.

You simple cannot know each other that well without interacting in person. It is vastly different and even then it takes a while to get to know each other.



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09 Jun 2017, 5:12 pm

smudge wrote:
A week before it started happening, she saw this psychic. Why isn't anyone making the connection to this? She clearly believes it. It is the reason she has changed.


True...but she shouldn't believe everything people tell her, I suppose the O.P could tell her that.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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09 Jun 2017, 5:49 pm

Ghost her.

Stop initiating texting and see if she will ever initiate.



smudge
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09 Jun 2017, 5:54 pm

0_equals_true wrote:
smudge wrote:
A week before it started happening, she saw this psychic. Why isn't anyone making the connection to this? She clearly believes it. It is the reason she has changed.


Anyone who makes a judgment based on that isn't very mature. Or at least far enough on the schizotypal spectrum that it would be difficult to get a consistent position on anything.

Also if it sounds far fetched it probably is, not to poor cold water on it, but it could just as well be an excuse.


I see what you (and the others) mean now. I guess it could be what she believes. As the OP said, she was really into this stuff. It could be an excuse too. The distancing and unreliability is a massive red flag of disinterest. I think her friends are immature.

I don't understand people who distance themselves while insisting they're still with someone. I think it's such a mean thing to do to someone.


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Sweetleaf
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09 Jun 2017, 6:02 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Ghost her.

Stop initiating texting and see if she will ever initiate.

Probably not, if he ghosts her that will for sure be the end of it...I say they need to meet in person soon or its not likely to last.


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09 Jun 2017, 9:09 pm

I always found online relationships to be more fantasy than reality. I've had a couple or three online gf's I never met in person. There was no breakup. We just somewhat drifted. They would always disappear on me, and that's how I knew it was over. I even "caught" these girls "cheating" on me, so I quickly gave up online romance.

I see if you don't have anything in meatspace to back it up, it's not a relationship. Same thing with LDR. I would say if online-only or LDR, seriously consider an open relationship. A wise sage once said, "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with."



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09 Jun 2017, 10:10 pm

I don't buy any of the physic stuff. Heck she could even dump you, surely that would prove that wrong then just get back at a later date. Too me its just a excuse i don't buy it at all that shes trying to create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Ghosting happens all the time with both men and women people should just be upfront and honest as to whats going on. If people want some time to think etc then they should just say so but it doesn't work like that. But ghosting people for weeks isn't on.

I might come across as harsh but stuff like this happens constantly, even more so with long distance relationships. have that proper chat with her but i dont think it looks good. Good luck to you whatever you do.



rdos
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10 Jun 2017, 2:39 am

AngelRho wrote:
I always found online relationships to be more fantasy than reality. I've had a couple or three online gf's I never met in person. There was no breakup. We just somewhat drifted. They would always disappear on me, and that's how I knew it was over. I even "caught" these girls "cheating" on me, so I quickly gave up online romance.

I see if you don't have anything in meatspace to back it up, it's not a relationship. Same thing with LDR. I would say if online-only or LDR, seriously consider an open relationship. A wise sage once said, "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with."


I agree with that. I wouldn't consider an online only relationship, and I more or less require things to start IRL. How else could you know if the girl is compatible and nice without studying her stims and eye contact? People can write anything they like online and post fake pictures, and so can play any role they like. IRL, you cannot fake stims and making efforts to meet for real. Real conversation and getting along for real is very different from texting.



rdos
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10 Jun 2017, 2:42 am

0_equals_true wrote:
smudge wrote:
A week before it started happening, she saw this psychic. Why isn't anyone making the connection to this? She clearly believes it. It is the reason she has changed.


Anyone who makes a judgment based on that isn't very mature. Or at least far enough on the schizotypal spectrum that it would be difficult to get a consistent position on anything.

Also if it sounds far fetched it probably is, not to poor cold water on it, but it could just as well be an excuse.


I don't find that far fetched at all. A considerable amount of NDs are into psychic stuff.



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10 Jun 2017, 3:02 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Ghost her.

Stop initiating texting and see if she will ever initiate.

Probably not, if he ghosts her that will for sure be the end of it...I say they need to meet in person soon or its not likely to last.


It seems to be too late for that; they should have met way ago.