Do you ever meet a girl who will not meet?

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Mr_Miner
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14 Jun 2017, 11:59 pm

I have noticed this weird thing with women online. They are happy to talk to either via or text or online chat but they will never meet you. Sort of like a virtual friend. A lot of them seem to have a social life in the real world but they are looking for this specifically. I don't think it's limited to autistic people it seems a lot of nurotypical men meet women like this too.

I knew a girl like this in high school and it was strange to me. We figured out we lived like 5 minutes by car apart so even a short walk. Yet she was content to talk to me online for years and EVERY time I suggested we hang out she declined. Not even as girlfriend I just wanted a friend. It was sad and confusing to me until I figured out this happens to lots of guys.



kraftiekortie
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15 Jun 2017, 12:02 am

It's happened to me many times.



Gallium
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15 Jun 2017, 12:54 am

I am one of those girls (sorry guys!).
There are a couple reasons for this. The first is safety. From a young age girls are taught to be afraid, especially of strangers and strangers online. We are told horror stories and yelled at and cautioned. We are told to be afraid of men online in particular so meeting someone you know online is often a big "no-no" for us. Its much safer for us to never meet IRL because we can't always trust you to be who you say you are.
The second reason is that online friends have a special dynamic that is kind of fun, and meeting in person can ruin this. From my point of view, my online friends only know as much about me as I want them to so I can be whoever I want to be to them. This is the benefit of the internet and sometimes its good to take advantage of that benefit and not ruin it with real-life interactions.

I know it can be frustrating to not be able to meet IRL but you need to consider how this girl might feel and whether she might be concerned about her safety (this is not a reflection on you, its just something she has been taught todo), you also should consider if meeting IRL is really good for your friendship at all.

Hope that was helpful


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1Biggles1
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15 Jun 2017, 1:19 am

Yup can relate. Been talking to an aspie ''friend'' for sometime and mentioned on my next trip to UK i would be passing through Australia and mentioned if she would like to catch up on my way through. She wasnt too sure of that, mainly due to her saying she didnt want to jeopardize the ''great friendship we had if things became awkward'' even though she mentioned i was one of her ''best aspie buddies''. She has now decided that we are not good friends as friends meet in the real world and share personal details and that i was now just a ''virtual friend''. Despite sharing personal information and a few face to face skype calls ( which for me is generally a no go for a variety of reasons ) ... How to totally confuse an aspie! Even though i mentioned she had said we were good friends she backtracked and said i wasn't one of her best friends due to what she stated above... Confused i am! Also said we had only been talking regularly for 2 weeks when in fact we had been talking regularly for 9 months! ( had known her for about 2 years but up until that 9 month period we was only the odd correspondence here and there then kind of became many times daily) 8O and that she had met a real life friend and could only put the energy into one person and that i may or may not hear from her as much in the future...



The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Jun 2017, 1:31 am

Because they don't find you attractive physically and they don't want you to approach them further; I bet most usually meet guys they met online for dating purposes only, not for friendship (which means they recognize them as attractive to them).



TheSpectrum
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15 Jun 2017, 2:47 am

Either they are catfish or don't want to be anything other than your friend (online).


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The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Jun 2017, 4:06 am

Mr. Miner, I am gonna ask you this question, and answer honestly:

Did any of these online-friend girls ever made the effort to initiate a text/chat/call with you during the day (without you starting first)?

Do you think that did they ever scroll their contact list on their device/computer/whatever, to find your name, and clicked on your name and send a "Hello" to you (instead of Replying)?



cberg
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15 Jun 2017, 3:34 pm

No because online/offline IM status icons amount to a Pavlovian hellscape of indecision for anybody.

I think people say only what the subconscious allows & that we're usually discussing everything else in here.


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ltcvnzl
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15 Jun 2017, 3:46 pm

I'm sometimes like this. I had several online friends I never cared about meeting, I think this is a lot due to insecurity, even outside a dating context. Sometimes I even met an online friend once or twice but it's often strange, although I like their online presence – and actually I only started meeting in person people I knew online recently. There is people I keep contact for 10 years or more and I never met and don't plan to, although I like them.



Gallium
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15 Jun 2017, 4:13 pm

I love how this is mostly angry guys.

Maybe just realize that it's not easy being a women on the internet and that internet friends can be a special dynamic that is easily ruined in person.


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cberg
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15 Jun 2017, 4:43 pm

I'm indifferent; I only remember this happening once in HS & I knew her in person before anyway. The only negative parts of that were other guys' impositions.

These days I barely expect anybody to talk personally with me electronically. My work takes up all that slack, one call or text comes in & my real life keeps moving along again.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Jun 2017, 4:50 pm

I love how some girls here think that we care.



The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Jun 2017, 5:07 pm

In another thread I wrote on this subject - and this is the truth, like it or not:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
OP

As a rule of thumb, if a girl doesn't initiate texting with you like every couple of days; then she is not interested. Never.

A rule of thumb#2:

People are never interested to develop friendship with the opposite sex just for the "sake of friendship". And that goes both ways.
Friendships between the opposite sex happen occasionally and by pure chance, like being a friend of a friend, or being in the same activity group and so; but usually people won't go out of their way to build or even to *maintain* friendship with people of the opposite sex (and usually not even with the same sex).

Knowing that, never ever expect that a girl would pull out her phone, open her FB or any chat app, to scroll her contact list searching for your name and tap on your picture to send you a Hello to you just....for the "sake of friendship".

It doesn't happen like that.

She rejected you because she is not into you, and she blocked you because you are a guy, who is not a romance interest for her, and therefore she is not interested to develop friendship with you.


In my personal experience; the only online women who wanted to meet me - are those whom I had an online *sexual rapport* with - or those who were romantically interested.

I've met with women whom I expressed a sexual desire toward them before meeting them for real - so how in hell this is perceived as safer than a guy wanting friendship only?

They are rejecting meeting you because they are rejecting you as a potential romantic/sexual partner - that's why. The safety thing is an copout; they can always meet you in a public crowded place; like how online strangers usually date; but for some reason a friendship meetup suddenly becomes so dangerous in any circumstance lol - the logic. I call bullshit.

The whole friendship thing between the sexes is not real.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 15 Jun 2017, 6:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

TheSpectrum
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15 Jun 2017, 5:58 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I love how some girls here think that we care.

I care :cry:


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cberg
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15 Jun 2017, 6:04 pm

I care.

Easy there Boo. It's absolutely real or the whole world would be smouldering radioactive dust by now. The girls in my life know I don't view texting romantically at all. I try not to text because I have AS thus I suck at texting, there's no more to read into unless I'm someone just met me & no reason for an empty screen to make us more cynical.

It's always better IMO to talk in real life & limiting ourselves to electronics makes me really sad as a programmer; THAT'S NOT WHY WE BUILD THIS STUFF. Boo has way more friends than he realizes & so do the rest of us in here.


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