Are autistics virgins for life??- autistic teen

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I'm 26 and lost it 6 months ago. Best decision I ever made was to stop freaking out about it. You'll get there.. and btw, everyone lies about how much sex they're having in high school, and even in college.

I had my first kiss at 12, lost virginity at 17. Pretty average I guess.

I turned 26 a few months ago and lost my virginity about 3 weeks ago. I liked it, although not quite as much as I expected to. I really thought it might be impossible for me, but that was proven wrong.

i'm still a virgin XD (and i'm pretty happy about it).

i don't want to have sex just to say i've had it. why shouldn't it be something special?

(eh, maybe i'm just idealistic XD)

anyways, don't sweat it, you'll be fine.

i was hugged at age 14 or 15.doesn't count as losing your virginity

Pat mine at 25 to woman who tricked me. I'm torn on if I regret it or not. I still have anxiety that I picked up a std from it and it was 4 years ago. I'd rather I'd lost it to a long term gf but I can't even get dates.

Not everybody your age is having sex. I promise. Some of them are having sex because they have no self-control, some of them are having sex because they have no other concept of how to relate intimately to another human being, some of them are having sex because our stupid culture makes them think everyone else is having sex...

...and quite a lot of them are lying about it because they think everyone else is having sex and they want to "be normal."

Most of the ones that ARE having sex at 15 are going to regret it in another 15 years.

The studies on autistics and intimate relationships are completely skewed. There are all kinds of biases in there (not least of all the fact that autistics that are happy with their lives don't go to therapy or otherwise ask for help to end up in the literature). I swear to Pete, the "therapeutic community" is trying to make us much more disabled and abnormal than we really are so they can milk us for money.


If it's still A Big Huge Deal In Your Head, you're not ready. If it's Completely Meaningless, Just Sex Man, you're not ready (and our culture has been poisoning you). You will be, someday, probably.

I was 19. I had a big huge stupid complex about being The World's Oldest Virgin, and I ended up sleeping with this psychotic jerk of a guy my cousin had used, emotionally destroyed, and thrown away. I felt sorry for him, because I saw this wonderful decent person in there buried under a lot of machismo, self-hate, and self-abuse. I fell in love with who he could have been...

...and completely neglected to realize that who he was was a psychotic jerk, and who he wanted to be was an even bigger psychotic jerk. I don't regret him being "the first," because there's nothing magical about virginity. I regret him being ANYONE WHO GOT IN MY PANTS, EVER.

The next one, I was 20. Jerk #1 got enough self-confidence back from banging me that he basically spit in my face and went off chasing sexy, social girls (showed up on my front porch crying and wanting back in my pants a couple more times after they crapped all over him, too-- didn't get it) but not before he passed me off to one of his guy friends, probably on the premise that I'd be "easy".

We had lots of great conversations on the phone for a few months (he was in school 3 states away)... And then he came home for the summer and started being a real nasty jerk about pressuring me for sex. Because, you know, he was turning 21 and it would be a COMPLETE CATASTROPHE if he was a 21-year-old virgin. So, you know, I liked him and I wanted him to be happy with me and get over his insecurities, so I gave in even though I didn't feel ready at all.

Annnnnnnd he got more insecure, and more possessive, and more psycho, and finally I had to end the relationship because he basically didn't want me to do anything other than cook, clean, sit on his lap, and lay on my back. That was NOT going to be the rest of my life. I realized, years later, that he never liked ME at all. He liked the idea of sleeping with and possessing the cute skinny chick. He was jacking off his ego the whole time.

So, yeah, I regret being intimate (in ANY way, emotional or physical) with that one, too.

The next one, I was 21. He was 18. We got married and had four kids and that's where we're at today. Looking back on 21 with the wisdom of turning 40 on my next birthday, it was STILL too fast. I don't regret having sex with him at all, or marrying him, but I do believe we would have had a much healthier relationship for the first ten years, and much less baggage now, if we hadn't been in such a flaming rush.

I can't tell you what sex is going to be like for you. For me, it's something I could take or leave, that I do because I LOVE THIS GUY and I understand that, for him, sex gives him the same feeling of connection and intimacy that a long, deep conversation with him gives me. I'm touch-averse, and for that matter proximity-sensitive, so... it's something I do out of love and desire for the companionship of an intimate relationship, because sex is part of it. It very well might not be that way for you.

How do you know when you're ready?? When it stops being a big deal. My great-grandfather reputedly gave my dad a great way to tell: "Think about the person you're with right now. If you think you could stand to share a table with them for the rest of your life, go ahead and do what you think you gotta do. If you don't, button up your pants and go home." Because-- BIRTH CONTROL FAILS. ALL THE TIME. And if you create another life with someone-- you're the one with the uterus, at least according to your profile (yeah, OK, I'm assuming that you're a cis/het female based on "female;" if not, disregard the next part, because if you're not, making a baby requires much more effort and intent). You're the one who's either going to get an abortion and carry THAT around for life, or carry the kid for 9 months and then give it up, or carry the kid for 9 months and then care for it for 18 years. Yeah, he has responsibilities-- and that means you're going to be caring for that kid, in some capacity, WITH HIM. For 18 years (at least). If you don't like the idea of a guy having something between influence and control over your life every day for the next 18 years, he's not the right one to have sex with.

If you're doing it to "be normal," it's not the right time. If you're doing it to make someone happy, it's not the right time. If you're doing it for any reason other than because it feels right to both of you in that time and in that place (I can't describe that, but I can tell you that you WILL KNOW when it happens), it's not the right time.

I'm not real big on preaching, "OH, THE PEARL-CLUTCHING GOD-FEARING MORALITY!!" Morality is how you treat people and live your life, not necessarily what you do with your genitals (assuming you're doing it with the other party's unmanipulated consent). Personally, to me, yeah, I'm about half a Pagan, and sex is a sacrament. Something special, to be shared with one person I love and trust enough to raise another life with. It's not something I want to do lightly, or casually, or in the absence of love and trust, just because. I don't like our culture making it this cheap commodity that's everywhere. But-- that's me, that's my business.

I guess that's my dirty truth. Someone else's story and opinion-- someone else's truth-- is going to be different. Because it's a highly individualistic, highly personal thing.

I didn't lose mine until I was 29. Don't feel bad about your situation.

I'm going to be 100% honest with you, 100% realistic with you.


At age 15, the majority of people arne't sexually active. Well at least not yet... If I had to guess, only around 1 in 8 have had sex by their 15th birthday, and this also includes people who have been sexually assaulted. And the majority of 15 year olds who have had sex wish they would have waited.

The majority of people are losing their virginity anywhere from 16 to 20. That means if you asked 100 people when they lost their virginity, around 70 would say anywhere from 16 to 20. 15 people earlier than 16, 15 people at 21 or older.




Also here is another truth.

The fact that you even want to have sex, to get into a relationship, you're going to have it easier compared to men, especially aspie men. It's going to be easier for you to attract attention, simply because you're a woman. Assuming you're attractive enough.

Let me explain,

The way society works is that it's usually men who do the approaching, this means that a shy girl gets a little more leeway because she can rely on men to approach her first. Men are highly visual which means they want girls who they think are physically attractive, which means as long as you're a decently attractive girl and you want to get into a relationship, then you're going to find a relationship because men will always be in high supply when you're young and beautiful.

But you're 15 now, not even in your physical prime. For the majority of women, they're at their most beautiful in their 20s or even early 30s.





What you should be working on is making sure you don't get screwed over by an abusive man, aspie girls are prone to getting into abusive relationships because they have a harder time sensing someone's true intentions so this makes aspie girls very naive.

You need to make sure the guy you're seeing with is a good person.

Let me post a quick preliminary answer now, and a longer one when I've read the other replies, and when dinner isn't immanent.

It's quite normal for a girl to have not have had sex by the end of the first year of highschool. It's quite normal for her to have not wanted to. Though girls are interested in it some, they aren't all-out driven to it like males are. Females, naturally, for good evolutionary reasons, are more choosy about their sex-partners than males are. After all, the males don't get pregnant.

So I emphasize that there's nothing unusual, or in any way wrong, with not wanting sex at your age, especially if you haven't met the guy who qualifies. Not having met him isn't unusual at your age.

When you meet someone deserving and qualifying, you'll know it.

Sure, maybe you aren't very social. I wasn't, when I was in highschool and junior-high (pre-secondary school, "middle-school"). Of course that could be a factor too, but I'm just saying that, no matter how good your social skills and involvement, lots of girls don't feel driven to start at that age--mostly because girls are particular about whom they choose.

To answer one question: I was 30 when I first had a sexual experience. Before that, I was always afraid to approach anyone. I just happened to meet my first girlfriend because she was a neighbor of a friend. If it had been up to me to introduce myself to someone, who knows when I'd have met someone.

I wasn't ever less interested in sex than others were. I just couldn't approach or meet anyone. But (because they don't get pregnant) males are more driven to sex than females are.

More tomorrow, after I read the other replies.

Michael829

seems only a large portion are

I had sex for the first time when I was 16 years old, what did I feel? I admit it was scary ! ! hahaha, and obviously painful. but then it was not so bad, however I do not really like it even being really good(what?????) . I feel a certain frustration coming from my boyfriend NT about it. and I feel really bad...
I do not like it but I like it at the same time, it's really confusing ! !! Heeeeelp

There's probably a higher rate of 20/30/40-something virgins on the spectrum by virtue of Asperger's and Autism implying lower than average social skills, but as you can see even from just this thread, it's not universally the case.

I have autism but I am not a virgin. Lost my virginity at age 17.

no

Relax. It still happens for most autistics. When and how often depends on the individual's desires as well as functioning level.

Me?

Oral things - 12 years old.
Other things - 21 years old.

Since then? - Sex life of a porn star. I've probably had more sexual partners than the rest of the posters in this thread combined. Such is life for a gay male near a major city with a large gay population who isn't wired for a relationship. Fortunately for me, there's WAY more of a hookup culture in the gay community than a dating culture, so, things work out quite nicely.

But when I was 17 & graduating high school I was anxious and nervous and thought I'd never "do it." Life has changed dramatically since then. Practice makes perfect.. for something I once thought I'd never do I'm actually quite good at and have been complimented many times on technique/sensuality/massage capabilities etc.

As for how sex is different for us vs. NT's, I think that's going to vary wildly. Some people may be extremely hypersensitive to touch and experience pain or unpleasant sensations, others may be kind of numb to the whole experience. Chances are most of us are more nervous/anxious than our NT counterparts, especially early on in our sex lives.

edit: As for maturity level.. that's normal for AS. We're said to have an emotional maturity level of 2/3rds our chronological age. So, it makes sense that you may not feel ready yet. Do it when you feel into it and ready for it, whether that's a hookup, with a long term partner, or not until marriage is up to you. There's no race to do it before graduation or any such BS. None of those sorts of self imposed milestones have any bearing on reality after high school. Life is a really long time and you have MOST of it ahead of you - there's plenty of time for sex after high school. I fully get the pressure, even if self imposed, to be doing it when peers are.. but really, honestly, it is NOT that big of deal. (even though I felt it was when I was 17, I now know it really wasn't.) Do it when it's right for you.