Okay, my cat has always been a little nutty...peeing on the carpet, hissing at me for no apparent reason, and firing off shotgun rounds into the neighbor's car. I accepted those things as part of who she is. After all, she had a rough life, growing up in the kitty ghetto, and then being adopted by a millionaire who attached her to a team of sleighcats who would drag his baby son around in a carriage. One of the other cats on the team ran a meth lab, and got her hooked on the stuff, and she was exiled to the street, where she was taken in by a band of travelling Episcopalians, who converted her to their faith, and allowed her to become a missionary. That is, until she peed in the holy water, and was sent to live in a pet shelter run by seven dwarfs. That is where I adopted her.
Anyway, she's always been a little nutty, but that was okay with me, because we all deserve a seventh, eighth, or even a twenty-fifth chance. But her behavior has grown outrageous. This morning, when I woke up, she was standing on my chest holding a gun to my head, demanding the keys to the safe deposit boxes I keep in my banks in Zurich, Buenos Aires, and the Cayman Islands. She told me she had gotten in trouble with some very bad people, and needed to pay them off, or, as she put it, "Their kids would have a new catskin cap to play with." So I gave her $20000, and told her if she needed more, she would have to do the dishes more often.
So later today, I see her carrying the keys to a Lamborghini in her mouth. I couldn't believe it! First she threatened me and ripped me off, and now she's practically flaunting her toys, like I'm not going to notice the new car parked next to her bed. I feel so used and betrayed, I don't know what to do. Any advice?
27 May 2007, 10:04 pm
