How do you regret not doing something?

Post Reply New Topic

For the regrets that I do have, they have all resulted in something I have done rather than something I didn't do. I would rather make a decision not to do something and miss out on something good than make a decision and have it be a bad one. How can you miss out on something you don't know? When you make a decision on something, how do you know it is going to be a good one and you won't regret it later? My goal is to avoid all the bad as much as possible even if it means missing out on something good. That is just me. I would rather not have been born and missed out on all the good things that have happened to me throughout my life to avoid all the bad things that I have experienced throughout my life. I often hear that not having children is selfish. How is not having children selfish when they don't exist? What can someone who doesn't exist be missing out on? I think having kids is more selfish. When you have kids, even if they have a good life, they will still experience pain at least occasionally. Someone who doesn't exist won't ever have to feel any pain at all. It is the same with making the decision not to do something. How can you regret or miss out on something that you didn't do or experience?

Terrible decisions haunt you.

"An IT worker threw out a computer hard drive without realizing it contained $7.5 million worth of the digital currency Bitcoin".
http://www.nbcnews.com/news/other/it-wo ... 2D11669738

Today that "trash" is valued at around $20 Million dollars.

"It is soul destroying to be honest,” Howells told NBC News

Dear OP, sadly, there is a conceptual error in your reasoning, and that is the idea that not doing a certain thing equals to doing nothing, and that this nothing therefore has no consequences.
But you're never only not doing something, you're always also doing something else.

Say, you decide to not go on holiday to avoid the hassle, falling ill in a foreign country and getting into a heated argument with a rickshaw driver over a hundred rupees.
It also means you are deciding for staying home, reading books, feeling bored, pondering the meaning of existence and so on, developing depression and needing therapy.
Either way, you end up needing medical help.

You are always choosing something.
The question is if your decision is guided by something you want, are interested in and aspire to, or by something you want to avoid.

I agree on it being selfish to have kids, with some much imperfection everywhere.
There are arguments to be made for avoiding certain things one dislikes, which are harmful and so on.
But I guess a case to case approach seems way more adequate than any categorical thinking.


Do it, or don't.
Either way, you'll regret it.
(Soren kierkegard, either - or)

By wondering what might have been.

yeah i am the same way.

there are a lot of things i regret doing.

there are not many things i did not do, that i should have done.

one wrong move, and the effects are unlimited and could last for a long time.

but if something good happens it's like whooptie do. and then it's over.

______________________________________________________________________

not having children.

how could that be "selfish"?

the world contains plenty of unwanted children already. it is not necessary to add a couple more.

overpopulation problem

besides even if you have children you are wasting a lot of time money and energy on someone that is more or less a smaller replica of yourself.

if that ain't "selfish" then i do not know what is.

seriously though whether you have children must be your choice.

this is not something you can let society or peers pressure you into doing.

yeah i am 34. no children. no plans for children either.

what's the point?

on FaceBook though plenty of former classmates claim to have children. and some of their children are already in middle or high school.

and sometimes emotionally i feel like i am still in middle school.

although sometimes i feel like i am so tired i must be old.

I don't find that to be the case--that human motivations are, invariably, selfish.

I don't false people for being selfish - within reason. To some extent I expect people to act in their own self-interest.

I don't really disagree with what you said.

But it's better to be productive in your selfishness than be entirely selfish in it.

Don't let "selfish intent" deter you from doing good deeds.

No, that was the point I was making. Having children IS a selfish act often viewed just as you described. You swear you'll never have children, then you live your life "not being selfish" until one day it hits you like a ton of bricks: you haven't experienced motherhood and your time is almost up...and now you're forcing your partner into something he never signed up for, plus everything you mentioned. Selfish.

But since you mentioned it, the opposite is just as bad. You deprive someone of a husband or a wife who'd be perfect for them. You deprive the world of people who can carry your ideals and uniqueness forward across the generations and make the world even better. Might even have been a world leader who achieves peace--or maybe you grand-/great grandchildren. And all because YOU wanted your freedom or because YOU thought it would be unfair to them. That's selfish, too.

I'm not really up for debating it, but I'm convinced ALL human motivations are inherently and fundamentally selfish. It's inescapable. What saves us is a desire to be a part of making someone happy or improving quality of life somehow. That makes us feel special. If it didn't we'd probably be extinct by now.
_____________________________________________________________________________________

granted, your children might become world leaders and achieve peace. however, everyone's child might become a world leader and achieve peace. and not many have succeeded at doing so. besides, your children might also become convicted murderers. unless you are psychic you do not know what your children will become.

if you have enough time, energy, money and emotional resilience to have children, you can donate those resources to the homeless children in other countries. surely they would appreciate it.

selfishness can't be measured quantiatively.

when i was in high school, i told my precious lil "mom" that i was going to take the bus home after a tennis match. she had the nerve to tell me that i was "selfish."

later my precious lil "mom" had the nerve to tell me that autistic means "selfish".

she was so judgmental. but almost everyone i have ever interacted with makes nearly constant judgments.

it ain't possible, practical, or necessary to put an equal amount of energy on every living thing in the world. especially since some humans live in other countries. and many humans would rather not have you interact with them. that includes seemingly favorable (for them) interactions.

quite frankly, though, i get the impression that it is really easy for NTs to misinterpret someone with AS as "selfish". or at least grossly overestimate how "selfish" the AS person is.

maybe it takes more energy for someone with AS to imagine the perspective of an NT, than it takes for an NT to imagine the perspective of another NT.

and someone with AS is wrong about the NT's perspective, more often than an NT is wrong about another NT's perspective.

and sometimes the punishment for being wrong, is grossly disproportionate. double standards.

while NTs just tend to assume everyone is NT just b/c almost everyone is NT.

some extroverts make me wanna puke.