A Tiresome Question - Probably

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Hello, everyone!
I have just joined yesterday and I have a very specific question I'd love to get some answers on - by diagnosed people especially. I think of going to see a professional soon, but before doing that and wasting someone's time, I'd like to ask you, kindly people, to evaluate some of my behaviour and inner experiences, if that is not too much of a bother to you.

So, I've been reading up on various topics related to psychology, as I am starting my undergraduate degree in psychology in October (I am already a university student, I'm just taking up another degree, because it fascinates me...). I knew a little about autism before, but never any details in particular, I've learned a lot recently. Yesterday I noticed something... frankly - I was lying on top of my bed flopping like a fish while emitting strange noises. Not unusual behaviour for me, it's pleasant, I do stuff like that all the time (bounce up and down, hit my chest with flopping wrists, stare at myself in the mirror while making faces, rub my hands, fidget...). But this time I stopped mid flop and asked myself: "Am I stimming?!" and it just came down crashing on me. The fact that I am sometimes physically unable to answer people's questions, because I have no idea what they mean, that I am constantly afraid people are angry with me because I do not understand their facial expressions (to a point of actual paranoia), that I used to cry a lot when people raised their voices, that I am afraid to talk to people, that I notice small things (especially sounds) all the time, that I have a very good memory, that I've had mental breakdowns at parties and hate such events profoundly, that I need people's feelings explained verbally a lot, that people think I am rude because of my tone of voice, that I can't bear not wearing the same kind of trousers all the time, or at least wearing only certain combinations of clothes, my bizarre sense of humour...

Does anyone here recognize themselves in this? I've been to a psychiatrist recently, because of my stress related breakdowns, issues with relating to people (I feel lonely, it's like I'm a child and everybody else is an adult, it's mostly how I think of myself, no-one gets me - not to be too pathetic) and so on. She told me I definitely have issues relating to my childhood development, that she'd advise further therapy. But I did not tell her everything I am writing here. It may be possible that I am trying to conform my symptoms to a diagnosis, it would be good to see a specialist because of that. But knowing how some so-called autism specialists are hacks, I want to ask you, kindly people, am I somewhere on the spectrum? What do you think? Thank you ever so much!

TL;DR: I'm weird, could I be on the spectrum?

From what you've written it is certainly a possibility that you're autistic, however only specialists can diagnose you.


I would advise to investigate it further if you feel that its important to you. It is important to note that many people, even NTs stim, other disorders such as ADD/ADHD also include stimming or fidgeting.

The defining aspect of autism is the social one, in combination to all other symptoms and "signs".

^^^^
This

I wonder if, as part of your course, they teach you that the best way to diagnose something is to ask unqualified strangers on the internet?

Thank you for your responses!

Yes, so far I have thought I might be under the influence of numerous peculiarities - OCD, anxiety, generalized nerdishness and whatnot. Which my psychiatrist - well, the only psychiatrist I've been to frankly... and only once at that - thought as well. But realizing more and more how I am incapable of relating to people I conclude a check-up with a professional is in order. I will be making an appointment at our national centre for autism ASAP.

Ouch, what a jab! I am not asking for a diagnosis, but merely if someone here can relate to what I am feeling and if I should bother a professional who might have better things to do than examine every out-of-the-ordinary-behaving person in the country. If a diagnosed person told me: "Yeah, I've met a couple dozen people on the spectrum and you have nothing in common with them." it would be valid input in my estimate... besides, I have literally no-one to talk to about this.

You make very valid points in this post that many on here overlook. In terms of ASD (or anything) a psych isn't going to just look at what you have, but also what you haven't. There are obviously overlaps in symptoms for many conditions and a psych will look at the overall picture. When you take these on-line "tests" for ASD then they are only focused on the possibility of ASD, they can't come to the conclusion that your systems may be related to something else.