Physical Contact

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Posted this in the LGBT area with no response so thought I would try here.

A little bit of background. Diagnosed with Gender Identity Dysphoria 20 years ago, MtF - now 13/14 years post-op, and Asperger's diagnosis approx. 5 years ago. Always been a very solitary self-reliant person. Never felt a need for people in my life. Much preferred aeroplanes, computers, etc. Trained as avionics eng, commercial pilot and subsequently computer eng - h/w and then s/w, with most of this occurring well before I transitioned.

I've never had any libido to speak off - no drive to fulfil the biological imperative to procreate, and to be quite honest have tended to avoid physical contact with people - possible a function of being on the Spectrum.

Now well and truly retired, and have been corresponding with a retired airline pilot via forum I run. He is going to be passing through my locality in a month or so, and I have invited him to stay for a few days. Which he has accepted. I am aware that he was involved in an aircraft crash, injuring his back some years ago. In his last message he spoke of needing his back massaged to ease the pain instead of having to take painkillers regularly.

We have become quite good friends via emails, etc. and I am quite looking forward to his visit, but I find the thought of massaging his back quite abhorrent. Almost gut-turning. Is a dislike of physical contact common amongst those on the Spectrum ? And for anyone who experiences it how do they cope in a relationship? No relationship as yet but I would like there to be.

Alison

I think you shouldn't do anything you are not comfortable doing. I'm not a touchy, feely person. I have to feel really super comfortable with a person before I can stand any physical contact. I don't even like shaking hands with people. If I was in your situation I would feel very uncomfortable too. Maybe find some local non sexual massage places near you and offer them as an alternative. If this person is the sort of person to have a good relationship with, then they should understand and respect your boundary, especially if you explain why it's important to you. Good luck. It sounds like an exciting time for you.