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slw1990
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25 Jul 2017, 10:45 pm

When I like someone it's really hard for me to be interested in other guys. I feel like I'm only able to focus on just 1 or 2 guys and they are almost never interested. I want to be interested in other guys, but I'm not sure how. Most guys are put off by me so I feel like I need more options.



hurtloam
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30 Jul 2017, 3:04 pm

I kind of know what you mean.

When i like someone i really like them and i dont want anyone else.

It's hard to let go. I think you might have to make a decision on them early before you get your emotions going too strong.

If you realise your starting to quite like someone. Ask him for a coffee. If he says yes. Great. If he says no. Great. You can move on.

I think that's the only cure for not becoming too entangled by your emotions. Nip it I the bud. Otherwise you're in danger of falling for your fantasy version of him.

This is advice I should really follow myself.

What holds me back from doing this is I worry I'll make my friendship group weird. I feel like I can't go through all the guys I know. I'll get a reputation for being desperate.

What would you say holds you back from just going for it and asking them out on a date.



Closet Genious
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30 Jul 2017, 5:02 pm

Humans always want what they can't have. Like hurtloam said, if he is not interested, move on.



The_Face_of_Boo
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31 Jul 2017, 1:52 am

It's supposed to be an AS trait after all.



rdos
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31 Jul 2017, 6:31 am

It certainly is an AS trait, but that doesn't mean you can't do anything about it. The best thing to do is to make sure there is mutual interest before you get a crush or similar feelings. I think that is quite possible to do, both for a guy and a girl.



whatamievendoing
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31 Jul 2017, 7:47 am

I can certainly relate to this. Granted, I've only ever had one serious crush, but once I had that crush, I could imagine living my life with literally no one else. Absolutely no one. Only difference is that she expressed just as much interest in me as I did in her.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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31 Jul 2017, 10:18 am

whatamievendoing wrote:
I can certainly relate to this. Granted, I've only ever had one serious crush, but once I had that crush, I could imagine living my life with literally no one else. Absolutely no one. Only difference is that she expressed just as much interest in me as I did in her.


You desire to go Robinson Crusoe with her?



kraftiekortie
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31 Jul 2017, 10:19 am

I would love to be Robinson Crusoe---but have access to pasta and steak, and the Internet.



sly279
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31 Jul 2017, 12:50 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I would love to be Robinson Crusoe---but have access to pasta and steak, and the Internet.

So you'd only do it if you had a mordern house and restaurant near by :p
Not really Robinson crusoe



MrBear
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05 Aug 2017, 4:20 am

I can relate to that. I would find myself interested in a girl and have a hard time feeling any great interest in any other. And often those I had interest in were not interested, indecisive, or had another issue (scared of the prospect of dating/romantic relationships, sexuality, etc...). It was always often frustrating and disheartening.



Sabreclaw
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05 Aug 2017, 4:45 am

I have that problem right now. Normally in such a situation I'd just stay away from the person as it's much easier to stop thinking about someone when you're not around them. Unfortunately the person I've fallen for is a friend, one who struggles with depression and doesn't have many people in her life. I can't just cut her off or I'll seriously hurt her feelings, yet staying around just fuels my fixation.



The Grand Inquisitor
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05 Aug 2017, 7:59 am

rdos wrote:
It certainly is an AS trait, but that doesn't mean you can't do anything about it. The best thing to do is to make sure there is mutual interest before you get a crush or similar feelings. I think that is quite possible to do, both for a guy and a girl.


^ This.

I used to fixate in a similar sort of fashion in high school, but too many instances of rejection (and only rejection) left a very bitter taste in my mouth. Now when I'm interested in someone, I just acknowledge it, and realise that it's highly likely my feelings aren't reciprocated. Unless of course I have evidence to suggest otherwise, but that's never happened outside of an online setting.