Page 3 of 3 [ 39 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3

dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,057
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan

02 Aug 2017, 10:02 pm

That happens to me too, when my depression is really bad. Every little mistake I make, I will mentally beat myself up over it and think I should kill myself because I'm such a horrible person. My suicidal thoughts are usually because I feel I'm nothing but a burden, annoyance, etc. to others, and little mistakes seem to confirm that for me. Recently I, too, have felt like I'm just waiting for the right time (though I'm not planning on doing anything in the next few weeks, at least). I don't really feel one way or another about my suicidal thoughts - they're not upsetting, but they're not comforting either, they just are (granted, my depression has a tendency to dull all my emotions).


_________________
Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"

I have increasing memory issues, and a tendency to forget that I forget everything. Please don't take it personally if I forget something, odds are it's nothing to do with you and everything to do with the state of my memory.


SaveFerris
Banned
Banned

User avatar

Joined: 3 Sep 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,690
Location: UK

03 Aug 2017, 8:07 am

dragonsanddemons wrote:
Recently I, too, have felt like I'm just waiting for the right time (though I'm not planning on doing anything in the next few weeks, at least). .


Yep , you've just gotta take it one day at the time but be very aware of when the intensity increases and know it's time to seek help , it is a very dangerous way to live your life but apart from being locked in a padded room in a straight jacket how else are you supposed to do it :roll:


_________________
R Tape loading error, 0:1

Hypocrisy is the greatest luxury. Raise the double standard


SaveFerris
Banned
Banned

User avatar

Joined: 3 Sep 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,690
Location: UK

03 Aug 2017, 8:29 am

Noca wrote:
Both autism assessments I did only looked for autism, they weren't screeing for anything else. Usually any run of the mill psychiatrist can easily pick up on BPD if you have it. I have seen over 15 of them and had like a half dozen state that I meet the criteria for BPD.


Thanks Noca , I'll bring it up next time I speak to my shrink


_________________
R Tape loading error, 0:1

Hypocrisy is the greatest luxury. Raise the double standard


Tawaki
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2011
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,452
Location: occupied 313

03 Aug 2017, 2:41 pm

Noca wrote:
BPD typically doesnt respond to drugs, but rather DBT, or other cognitive therapies. With BPD your mood can rapidly shift on a dime. I try and recognize that if I am in a state of dsyphoria, I know that how I feel in that moment will likely have nothing to do with how I feel the next day or even mere hours from that point in time. A coping skill, mix of mindfulness and diffusion from ACT.

Yes thinking about suicide definitely helps, and for me it is a coping mechanism. A lot of my life for the last 13 years has been hell, even torture for years at a time. Knowing that you can get up and leave, walk out of the room anytime helps even if you choose to stay and fight. My chronic illnesses never end and there is a strong correlation between BPD sufferers and those with chronic illness/chronic pain. For me most of my thoughts seem rational given what I am going through, but regardless are maladaptive and need to be treated.

I suggest you give DBT a shot and see if that works better than relying on meds that don't typically respond well to BPD.



My dysphoric manias can be like that.

The depressions are usually slug mode, so even when pissed off I don't have the energy to kill my self, let alone think about it.

The dysphoric maniacs (depression+agitation) can flip me on a dime to actively think that way.

I have bipolar I.

My mother had BPD, and she threatened killing herself if the cashier looked the wrong way at her. If someone had good fortune come their way, it would pitch her into a f**k my life, I wanna die mode.

I've heard a lot of good things about DBT and borderline personality disorder. It's probably worth a try.

Good luck!



pink_harmonica
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 18 Feb 2016
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Posts: 6
Location: Washington, DC

03 Aug 2017, 4:51 pm

I think about suicide pretty constantly. I smoke weed constantly to try to get away from the suicide and general despair, but now that doesn't even work anymore, the thoughts just push through the fog it puts me in. I have also suspected BPD for a while now, because of the thoughts and my mood swings and the ways I react to things in relationships, and things in general, but when I bring it up with my psych, he says, "let's not put a label on it, let's just treat the symptoms", which I don't know if that means he believes me and wants to protect me from the stigma related to that diagnosis or if he just doesn't think I have it. Lately, it's been getting to the point where I feel it's inevitable, especially now that I've graduated and have tasted the lonely, infinite abyss that is adulthood. If I can't find a way to get motivated to do the things to make something of myself, if I end up like my brother. . .I just don't know what to expect for the future, and that scares me a lot. And my reaction to that is suicide. Suicide is my reaction to pretty much everything. It's also hard to talk to people and have relationships when you are constantly not wanting to even be alive. Which doesn't help anything.



SaveFerris
Banned
Banned

User avatar

Joined: 3 Sep 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,690
Location: UK

05 Aug 2017, 7:31 am

pink_harmonica wrote:
I think about suicide pretty constantly. I smoke weed constantly to try to get away from the suicide and general despair, but now that doesn't even work anymore, the thoughts just push through the fog it puts me in.


Maybe it's time for you to try a different approach , weed isn't for everyone and can sometimes makes things worse even though you feel it helps. As for what approach you should take , I have no idea but getting a medical opinion is probably a good start.


_________________
R Tape loading error, 0:1

Hypocrisy is the greatest luxury. Raise the double standard


shortfatbalduglyman
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Mar 2017
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,393

05 Aug 2017, 10:04 am

SaveFerris wrote:
pink_harmonica wrote:
I think about suicide pretty constantly. I smoke weed constantly to try to get away from the suicide and general despair, but now that doesn't even work anymore, the thoughts just push through the fog it puts me in.


Maybe it's time for you to try a different approach , weed isn't for everyone and can sometimes makes things worse even though you feel it helps. As for what approach you should take , I have no idea but getting a medical opinion is probably a good start.[/quote
___________________________

Antidepressants

Anger management class

Counseling

Biofeedback



SaveFerris
Banned
Banned

User avatar

Joined: 3 Sep 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,690
Location: UK

05 Aug 2017, 12:56 pm

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
___________________________

Antidepressants

Anger management class

Counseling

Biofeedback


All very good suggestions although I have only tried No. 1 on the list , hoping that counseling with be better than the meds


_________________
R Tape loading error, 0:1

Hypocrisy is the greatest luxury. Raise the double standard


shortfatbalduglyman
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Mar 2017
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,393

05 Aug 2017, 9:04 pm

SaveFerris wrote:
shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
___________________________

Antidepressants

Anger management class

Counseling

Biofeedback


All very good suggestions although I have only tried No. 1 on the list , hoping that counseling with be better than the meds

____________________________________________________________________

the psychiatrist is too far away. without driving, can't go there. pretty much. unless waste a couple hours public transportation. used to be on prozac and ativan. no good or bad effects noticed. besides meds have side effects and cost money too.

biofeedback is expensive.

for the past 9 months, gone to the current counselor. she told me i got 3 more months with her. after that she told me she will try to persuade the insurance to gimmie 1 more year cousenling. and she is usually successful. then she told me she is usually unsuccessful the third year.

yeah just when i got a counselor that ain't obsessed with the Mandated Reporter Law. not overly judgmental. not full of condescending judgments. and sticks to the subject. and does not act like she knows everything.

she told me if i pay cash it costs 75 bucks per hour. each hour lasts fifty minutes. and she is by far the best counselor i have ever had. and i have had a lot of counselors.

and yes i know other counselors charge more $$. and yes, the student loans from a masters in psychology could cost a lot. and that she lives a modest lifestyle (based only on her house and car and where she lives). yeah i get that.

but seriously though. $75? seventy five dollars.

in two weeks, i waste about 75 dollars for food.

75 dollars gets unlimited bus rides for one month, where i live.

a motel room costs 80 bucks a night.

a backpack costs 40 bucks.

two months worth of prozac costs 100 bucks.

my phone costs 150 bucks.

a jacket costs about 75 bucks. maybe less. the one i wore yesterday and usually.