Parenting as an Aspie

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I became a father 10 months ago (I have a son). Although I haven't been diagnosed, it is highly probable that I have AS (confirmed by some tests, but not official).

My wife and I are different from most people, which has always been a moderate problem. Until we became parents, then it turned into a huge problem.

We started to figure out how we would raise kids when my wife was pregnant.
We ended up with most aspects of something that is called attachment parenting (http://www.attachmentparenting.org/ for the curious), which is a natural (as-close-to-nature-as-possible) way of raising kids.

Now, we are being 'attacked' by all sorts of people (some of which we hardly know) for doing things 'different', yet most of them are amazed at the development of our son and his strong connection with us (but attribute it solely to his personality rather then a combination of factors).

Among those people who oppose us are my own parents. Not only are they undermining what we are doing, they are gossiping and doing things arround our backs. It is getting so bad that I don't want to see them any more.

Have any of you gone through this kind of stuf? Any advice is welcome.
I feel very tired right now.

Congratulations of the birth of your wonderful son! He is lucky to have you as a father!

I'm kind of in the pits with you right now. I have two experts giving me conflicting advice as to how to raise my younger son. One problem is that either one could, at any time, decide it is a decision for children's protective services to be involved in.

I was up very, very late last night and decided that I have to do what I believe is best. One of the doctors will be upset but so be it. Each is telling me it is wrong to do it the other way and I'll be hurting my son. Well guess what? They only see my son a few hours a year. AND since they each work with children, they will only see him for a few years. I'm in this for the long haul. I don't care about the short term effects...I want a happy productive adult child!

You are in it for the long haul. You know you are doing what is correct. Don't let them confuse you on it! YOU ROCK DAD!

But, to cover your behind, document why you made some of the more unorthadox decisions. Note in a journal the results you see and how you see it relating to your decisions.

Parenting is very hard work. Try to be around people who will support you. If that means you see a bit less of your parents for a few years, well, so be it.

Take care,
BeeBee
(another tired parent)

Nocturn & BeeBee,

Good luck to you both! My heart really goes out to you, as I too, am a parent. I've been lucky, what with an NT wife who is very supportive and generally good encouragement from most all of my relatives; in-laws and outlaws alike. All I can really offer is that parental love is unconditional and love conquers all. Truth-not just cliche'. There are plenty of times I feel inadequate, and more frequently now that my son is 13. I am trying to focus on what I can accept rather than dwelling on sources of conflict. I am hoping for peace through this attitude.

It is difficult when you are surrounded by so-called experts who tend to be judgemental and I wish I could offer you more than just encouragement.

Never underestimate the power of encouragement, Oatwillie!

Thanks for caring.

BeeBee

Never been a parent myself so can't give advice there, but wanted to say my dad is autistic and I really appreciate his parenting style.

It's always good to read up on parenting stuff as I did when my children were growing up.But you know, one size does not fit all, what works with your child may not work with someone elses. I have two children, what worked for one, did not work for the other. So there you go. I have been critized many times for my parenting. But....these are my babies, so....my husband and I did the best we could. I am a Christian so I raised my kids as a Christian parent, but ya know...even in the church parents have their disagrements. I have been..to strict, to easy,over protective, not protective enough, to generous, not generous enough. Blaa, Blaa, Blaa. My daughter graduates from College on Saturday, my son from High School tomarrow. They are both doing very well, even so, I still feel like as a parent I could have done better. I don't think we ever feel like we are good enough, I don't don't know why. But I think the best advice would be for you to enjoy your baby, and do what you think is best. My relatives learned (some the hard way) to Never undermine my husband nor myself when it came to our children, if moving would have needed to happen then we would have. I like the advice you have been getting here also, it's excellent. I don't know where you are from, but educate yourself ahead of time re: schools, in California if you have a special needs child you are in for an uphill battle, expecally if he is bright and well behaved. I tell this to all parents I know, AS or not even when their babies aren't even born yet. You know your baby better than anyone else, so don't you worry, oops, did I just tell a parent not to worry?

I too am AS with an AS son and a great NT partner who supports me and when i need it pionts me in the right direction if i try to offer my son advice if i am wrong she will gently let me know i am, thus i dont dig my heals in a become that well known rigid Aspie thats inside us all at some time or other.
Stick with it, its not always easy, but life isnt either.

Aspies rock.........................

BeeBee and nocturn,

This question is directed at both
of you for 2 person's perspectives.

What are you both doing in raising
AS? children that may cause red flags.

I understand that a 10month old won't
have as much to worries for the dad,
but the coorolation between BeeBee's
older kids and a 10month will give
both aspects of this thought perspective.

Sincerely,
Ghosthunter

To all of you, thanks for the encouraging words. It really helps.

I'm not a parent, but I just wanted to post a general thank-you to all the parents of kids who fall into the autism spectrum. Rim hennaid (Sindarin for many thanks) to all the parents! We greatly appreciate your effort even if we don't show it.

The most wonderful thing is happening now.
When I'm not home, my son (10 months), is asking for me (saying something that sounds like 'papa' and looking arround to the places he usually sees me).

When I get home, he immidiately clings to me. I have a bond with him that is so deep.

It makes me happy.