Living independently

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Hello everyone...today I turned 20 & because of that their are some thoughts going through my mind, so first off to start off a quick summary my ex step dad & my bio mom got a divorce. They originally met back in 2016 & my ex step dad bought a house in a small decent town for me & my mom to live in, their were a lot of ups & downs which led to my step dad moving out & now my mom & I are moving back to the original home me & my brother grew up in (of course he isn't pleased with it).



So now that was explained the things I can't stop thinking about is what's going to happen in the future. Basically I just wanna be like everyone else which is to move out & be independent like everyone else, I've made a post on Wrong Planet not long ago asking what I should do to get a job....but aside from that their might be sensory issues when it comes to not focusing on studying to get a drivers license & maybe finding a house/apartment to rent/own.



Their might be certain autistic people that would make excuses of their disabilities to not be responsible as an adult & I don't know if high functioning autism counts or not, to those who feel offended I apologize (no I'm not saying all people on the autism spectrum are irresponsible & immature as adults, this was just something I researched on). It's not hard to do research I just feel stupid when it comes to not knowing/doing simple things as an adult when it comes to being independent. From what I've learned people who are disabled might get disability money at 21 whether they work or not (unless if that was misunderstood by accident), now I sorta understand how that goes but at the same time I think that'd be unfair for non disabled people who would work at a job unlike the other person (that's what I learned from The Chronicles of Chris Chan at least). From that one post I made not long ago asking about finding a job someone said that I shouldn't view autism as a disability & that I'm not disabled, but I don't know how to believe in that.



So what I'm getting to at is their is actually people on the autism spectrum that surely would want to be independent & responsible like the rest of society but some might have trouble due to stress, bad luck, sensory issues, anxiety, etc. And with me it's not that I don't care but I'm currently trying to find a job to receive income like my brother does (because he isn't disabled luckily), & with stress & being more focused on things going on around me it can be difficult to focus on one certain task at a time....not sure if there's anybody else who has had similar issues or not.




So to those on the autism spectrum that are independent.....what did you have to do to get to where you are today? If this post was annoying, ludicrous, etc. I apologize there's just thoughts going on while there's stuff happening, & while trying to make smarter decisions. I also apologize if grammar on this post looks bad....I used a phone to type it in instead of my laptop, but thank you for reading & have a good day.

It hard because many of the people who work professionally to help the disabled aren't autism experts. They mean well, but don't have the expertise required to actually help people with autism get jobs. In Connecticut, one concerned father started an organization called Roses for Austism, which trains people on the spectrum so that they can figure out what jobs they can actually handle, by letting them try different jobs until they find something that "clicks." They do everything from growing the roses to taking phone orders to driving the delivery truck.

I got a college degree from a very good school and found a job related to my special interest.

After school I went to university and got a degree. With that degree I got a job. With that job I get money which I use to exchange for goods and services.

For me, it's still an on-going process. I am 30, and I am living independently. I only managed to get a (rented) house of my own exactly in June of last year, and it felt like a liberation. I'll tell you the process of how I got here:

At 16, i moved with my mother to my father's apartment in Amsterdam. My father was an alcoholic, so it was a far from ideal situation and my parents were constantly fighting. I was not in school at the time, and the original plan was to study at home in preparation of the exams that would allow me access to university. But depression prevented me from putting out a good performance.

I entered a long period of being idle and apathic which lasted from about 2005 to late 2008. At that point I was 21 and decided I should find a job. All this time, my mother was supporting me, and expecting me to get those exams I mentioned. But it was not going to happen. So to procure myself a small amount of independence, I searched for a job and first found a cleaning job, which didn't last long, and then a job in a book repair shop. That last job was actually not paid out of the shop's profit, but out of social benefits; pretty much everyone employed there was on benefits because for one reason or another they had run into a snag in their life and had trouble finding work. I stayed there for two years and it was an overall positive experience.

Through a classmate from Chinese class, I found a job at a factory. Finally I got paid directly by the company again, which felt really good and was also nice money. But the job itself was not so nice and I stayed there for only half a year. All this while I was still living with my father. I was searching for a place of my own, but in Amsterdam there's this huge wait list, and even in the surrounding towns it's hard to find a house quickly.

After a period of 8 months of unemployment, I found two jobs through these so called "job coaches" who help people with some kind of problem, for example autism. I was lucky to be able to combine these two part time jobs. But they were partly paid by the companies, and partly I kept the benefits.This got really awkward when I was working harder than some of my co-workers, who got paid more.

In 2013, the personal situation at home with my alcoholic father reached critical mass, and I asked my cousin if I could move in with her and my aunt in their small home town. There, it took many months and a couple of odd jobs before I found a job at a warehouse. I performed well there, and after a year of working there, I became the de facto main resident of the house when my aunt and cousin moved into a new house in my cousin's name whilst keeping the old apartment on my aunt's name. I was paying the rent, electricity, gas, and water by myself. This taught me how to plan my budget, especially because I was also paying back a big debt at the time.

When in 2016 my aunt moved to a different place, I was forced to search for a house of my own, and fortunately, I found something within the span of a month. I have been properly independent ever since.

So in summary, for me it was one part own initiative, and one part calling in help from job coaches and relatives. If there is someone who can help you, accept the help; but never become fully dependent.

Try to look for jobs based on your skills and your positive points.

This should be a good time for people on the spectrum to find jobs that don't require good social skills. Not only is unemployment low in many areas of the country, but many immigrants are staying home, leaving jobs they would normally do unfilled.

Happy birthday, first of all.

I started my working adulthood in libraries. Without a degree or anything, it was quiet, largely solitary work re-shelving books or mending them or checking them back in. Working the checkout desk wasn't as easy, but the interactions were short and not very stressful, plus I'd frequently see interesting titles to add to my own reading list. That was all just in an entry level position, I think it was called a Library Tech. I think that could be a great option for anyone on the spectrum just for the quiet and lack of deadlines.

Unless you're REALLY confident in your ability to not get overwhelmed, I strongly suggest you stay out of food service. Waiting tables is high stress and you have to keep track of a lot of things. It's a great starting point for NT's, but personally I think it's too much for people on the spectrum.

Beyond that, all I can say is look at what you're good at or interested in. We all have a superpower (no, I'm not saying we're all savants like Rainman, but we all have things we do way better than the average NT), and if you can make money with that, it seems the logical thing to do.

Temple Grandin makes some good points and suggestions about jobs here: https://www.autism.com/advocacy_grandin_job

Graceling,

I work at a library, and I love it. I would like to get a full time job there. I work part time, but my responsibilities have grown over the years.

I agree about food service. That would be far too stressful for me. I love working at the library.

Ways I'm independent:

Driver's license
Car
Job (part time, but lots of variety, a great improvement from just two years ago. I would like to have a full-time job, either at the library or helping people with disabilities.)
Varied social opportunities

Ways I'm not yet independent:

Still live at home
I need to discipline myself to do daily things necessary for a fully independent life. I believe I could do them, but I need to find the energy.