How soon do you tell a potential date you have AS?

Post Reply New Topic

Do you write that you have AS in a dating profile?
Do you mention it in text chat?
Do you say it on a first date?
Do you keep it "secret" until you know her well? (which basically never happens for me, lol)

If I were to mention it to a woman early, and explain that I therefore have trouble communicating with body language, would that make my strange mannerisms seem less creepy and unnerving? Would mentioning my A.S. blacklist me instead, and make her want to leave sooner?

To the Aspie men here who had successful dates/relationships: When did you tell your S.O.?
To women here dating Aspie men, same question: When did he tell you?

As I am not diagnosed, I don't write I have AS, yeah, I don't even have a dating profile. I hate that shite.
I do however tell them that I can be weird, I can withdraw sometimes, I can be blunt to the point of being brutally honest.
I just try to communicate what's going on in my mind. Totally open and honest.
Some men think I am too intense, but then I think they are not enough for me.

If a guy tells me he's got AS, I would definitely be more patient, I would try to understand him more, yes, I think
my best friend gave me a good training on this. He's got AS and he taught me a lot about how to accept other people fully.

I got the most visible quirks in my profile, and i will mention some specific traits in chat when (if) we are planning to meet, the the traits might become a problem at the venture we are considering.

The full disclosure? That can wait untill the 3rd date, or untill we get intimate; whichever happens fist

Before we started dating I told my wife that I do not understand all the flirting games, and would prefer to be direct. I did not know that I had Asperger's Syndrome at the time.

I've wondered a lot about this thing too, and I've come to believe that it's a completely individual thing. There are no rules for when you should or shouldn't tell. It's all about what you're comfortable with. However, I'd think about how much AS affects your communication and the way you behave. Telling someone the reason for why you might act a certain way, or prefer things to be a certain way, would only be a good thing in my opinion. If the person you're dating doesn't accept that fact (which would honestly be weird, assuming they like you for who you are), they're not worth it.

I personally prefer to only tell people about my diagnosis when they know me well. This might not always be the best option though, it's just what I happen to be the most comfortable with.

Why is it usually men who ask this? Do aspie women not feel concerned about this? Im curious as ive only ever seen men ask when do I tell them.

I dont know as I've ever had a relationship or 2nd date. I don't think putting it on your profile is good idea though. Perhaps more successful aspies will come and share when they told their wife

I personally don't ever want to tell. It's bad to show weakness as a man and as is a weakness

how soon do i tell a potential date that i have AS is by keeping it hidden from her

I usually disclose well before it gets serious but some time after the first impression has been made so that the person is not assuming wrong things based on stereotypes.

That is how my son usually addresses it: asking for direct communication but not using the ASD description. He only tells people he knows well what his actual diagnosis is. Everyone else gets the playbook ("you have to be direct with me") without the reason for it. It seems to work.

I told my girlfriend on our second date, a ways before things got serious. Probably not the best time to do so. I think my being picky prompted it since we were at a restaurant.

I tend to go for quirky/eccentric types like myself...and I bring up the AS thing by talking about my brother and father who both have AS (this happens on the 2nd date, always). Then I casually let it slip that 'oh I probably have it too, it runs in my dad's side of the family and I have a few cousins with it as well...so if I get too quirky, you know why '. I'm very light-hearted about it, so I've never had a negative reaction...if anything people get curious and they want to know more.