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jrjones9933
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25 Sep 2017, 6:03 pm

Only reveal that if asked by someone in a speed date. Come up with a short, entirely positive summation of yourself, and ask the other person questions. Use the experience as data, not as evidence of future success.

ETA: I spend loads of time telling myself, "It's just data. It's just data."


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Belushi87
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25 Sep 2017, 6:33 pm

i know the feeling. i'm almost 30 and i'm no where near where i want to be in my life. i thought that i would be in a committed relationship and working in a career i love, but i'm so far from getting any of those.



kraftiekortie
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25 Sep 2017, 7:30 pm

I would try to avoid "speed dating."

I don't understand why people do it, actually.

One cannot get at the true essence of a person under this format.



Marknis
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26 Sep 2017, 1:39 pm

jrjones9933 wrote:
Only reveal that if asked by someone in a speed date. Come up with a short, entirely positive summation of yourself, and ask the other person questions. Use the experience as data, not as evidence of future success.

ETA: I spend loads of time telling myself, "It's just data. It's just data."


I've been conditioned to see things as something I need to win or I strike out of them. I couldn't find my balance on a skateboard so I never tried again. I failed an art class and didn't try again because I thought I had found my niche but failing it made me feel like I wasn't meant to do art. I couldn't protect myself against the school bullies so I felt like I would never win a fight and avoided physical confrontations.

I go through the day wanting a girlfriend but the day ends with me still being single. I feel like I shouldn't even continue existing.



jrjones9933
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26 Sep 2017, 1:42 pm

Marknis wrote:
jrjones9933 wrote:
Only reveal that if asked by someone in a speed date. Come up with a short, entirely positive summation of yourself, and ask the other person questions. Use the experience as data, not as evidence of future success.

ETA: I spend loads of time telling myself, "It's just data. It's just data."


I've been conditioned to see things as something I need to win or I strike out of them. I couldn't find my balance on a skateboard so I never tried again. I failed an art class and didn't try again because I thought I had found my niche but failing it made me feel like I wasn't meant to do art. I couldn't protect myself against the school bullies so I felt like I would never win a fight and avoided physical confrontations.


If you understand how to do conditioning, you're halfway to a new condition.


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green0star
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26 Sep 2017, 4:41 pm

Don't feel bad, I spent 3 and a half years as a shut in after graduating high school (: I was way too apathetic to date but even so I have no regrets.



Marknis
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27 Sep 2017, 11:14 pm

jrjones9933 wrote:
Marknis wrote:
jrjones9933 wrote:
Only reveal that if asked by someone in a speed date. Come up with a short, entirely positive summation of yourself, and ask the other person questions. Use the experience as data, not as evidence of future success.

ETA: I spend loads of time telling myself, "It's just data. It's just data."


I've been conditioned to see things as something I need to win or I strike out of them. I couldn't find my balance on a skateboard so I never tried again. I failed an art class and didn't try again because I thought I had found my niche but failing it made me feel like I wasn't meant to do art. I couldn't protect myself against the school bullies so I felt like I would never win a fight and avoided physical confrontations.


If you understand how to do conditioning, you're halfway to a new condition.


At this point, I'd rather kill myself than wait another year.



wanderlust77
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28 Sep 2017, 2:20 am

I know you said when you fail you quit, but could you start to learn some new skills?
There's a website called freecodecamp, when you finish you get a web developer certificate and already have some webpages and apps built in your portfolio. It's completely free and you can do it at home online.
It's also a very helpful community if you get stuck.

I know you don't want to wait another year but if you couldn't get a girlfriend at your current state, what do you think will change? Nothing.



RetroGamer87
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28 Sep 2017, 8:22 am

Marknis wrote:
I am almost 30 and I feel like my 20's were wasted. Instead of dating, having sex, and getting engaged like so many people I know around me did, I was deprived of those things and everything that I tried to do in order to get out of the rut ended in failure.

My 20s were also wasted. I didn't have sex until I was 28. Most people have sex in their teens. My teens were also wasted.

I didn't even try until I was about 25. When I was a teenager girls used to ask me out on dates and I'd say no because of social anxiety. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, :wall:


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RetroGamer87
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28 Sep 2017, 8:42 am

Marknis wrote:
Life can start in 30s trust me, it is only important to have positive attitude and initiative!
Yes but if I do something at 31 that someone else did when they were 19 does that mean I'm immature compared to them?


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kraftiekortie
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28 Sep 2017, 9:21 am

Not necessarily.

I don't feel "immature" because I got my drivers' license at age 37, when most people get it at 18 or so.



Marknis
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28 Sep 2017, 9:36 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Not necessarily.

I don't feel "immature" because I got my drivers' license at age 37, when most people get it at 18 or so.


I didn't get mine until I was 21.

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I am almost 30 and I feel like my 20's were wasted. Instead of dating, having sex, and getting engaged like so many people I know around me did, I was deprived of those things and everything that I tried to do in order to get out of the rut ended in failure.

My 20s were also wasted. I didn't have sex until I was 28. Most people have sex in their teens. My teens were also wasted.

I didn't even try until I was about 25. When I was a teenager girls used to ask me out on dates and I'd say no because of social anxiety. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, :wall:


I actually lost my virginity when I was 21. The first time I asked a girl out, I feared being told no so I said I was kidding. I wonder what my life could've been like if I just waited for her answer.



kraftiekortie
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28 Sep 2017, 9:50 am

I don't believe it's that rare for people not to get their license until age 21.

It's much better for insurance rates, that's for sure.



green0star
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28 Sep 2017, 12:03 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I don't believe it's that rare for people not to get their license until age 21.

It's much better for insurance rates, that's for sure.


I think for males its over 25 when the insurance rates go down xD And of course in NY its MUCH cheaper to get your license when you're older as opposed to being a teenager still :P



GiantHockeyFan
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28 Sep 2017, 12:57 pm

green0star wrote:
I think for males its over 25 when the insurance rates go down xD And of course in NY its MUCH cheaper to get your license when you're older as opposed to being a teenager still :P


In my province they eliminated discrimination based on age/gender. Instead, all the insurance companies look at either a)years of being continually insured or b)years licensed. In other words, you can get a license at 16, not drive for 10+ years at all and still be classified at 'very low risk'. Meanwhile, you can drive continuously, have a perfect driving record, have a small gap in insurance due to buying a new car a month later and be labelled as 'very high risk'. I once had my company double my rates and label me as a brand new driver because I had a brief gap in insurance when I got my own car and off my parents plan. I switched companies after that nonsense. Another threated to drop me and send my file to the fraud department because I still lived with my parents and never disclosed it (they had their own plan and never touched my car). WTF?

Back to the topic at hand, you may think you 'wasted' that time by being single but other people would say they 'wasted' it by being wasted all the time, not saving money and getting into bad relationships. It's all in how you look at it.



sly279
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28 Sep 2017, 3:22 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Not necessarily.

I don't feel "immature" because I got my drivers' license at age 37, when most people get it at 18 or so.

Yiu might not but otheres will see yiu as immature and say your a man child that should be avoided.