Can't escape the vicious cycle

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The only reason you lack finances is because of your mom having access and control over your money, it is imperative that you do something about that.

I mean is she your state appointed payee? that is the only reason she should have any access or control over your money...if she is not a state appointed payee due to you being deemed mentally incapable of spending money on your needs then what she's doing is illegal. Seems kind of abusive to, you're a grown adult and she exerts control over your money so you can't leave essentially, or is it more like she spend your money on stuff for her?

Either way none of that would be easy, but nothing will change if you don't attempt...and I know being able to get more control of your life/situation can certainly help reduce depression. I'd know I've had chronic depression since I was a kid younger than 10 and I still suffer from it(just can manage it better now).

I'll try to explain the best I can.

I've never asked her about her being my payee; I've never really heard of the term. I know it sounds ignorant but I've just never heard anyone use that term before. I use up so much mental energy at my job that by the time I get off my brain feels burned out. My hope for the future also fell into doubt so that makes it harder for me to come up with an action plan.

She doesn't use my money in my checkings or savings accounts but if she wanted to, she could block my accounts or use the money if she felt like doing so. She does withhold my social security from me. She claims it is my "rent" for living with her. My therapist thinks the reason why she won't let me use it to pay for an apartment is because she doesn't want people thinking I am "ghetto", especially if I had to go on government assistance. She's very concerned about appearances to the point she hires a cleaning lady to clean the house as well as a lawnmowing service to trim up the yard. She will freak out if she thinks my room isn't clean and even threatened to take $100 out of my checkings to pay the cleaning lady for my bathroom only because my shower door was fogged up. She also made me dress up like a "yuppie" when I started working at the public library, regardless if the clothes made me hot (Texas heat, especially during the summer, is brutal) and felt uncomfortable. Her issues with appearances also drove her to getting her facial wrinkles lasered off and she uses make up like crazy. She also wanted me to get a hair transplant for my thinning hair as well as a vasectomy. Her reason for the latter was because she thinks I would be a terrible parent and that condoms are BS. She actually thinks women should always be on birth control despite how my older brother has gotten two women pregnant because they willingly forsook the pill to entrap him and something similar happened with my younger brother; I can forgive his fiancée since she is my friend and she's not a manipulative b***h like my older brother's current wife is.

She's stated she wants me to be independent but only if it's something she wants me to do and not anything that is in line with my values. I don't want to live like her because despite how she makes a lot of money being a doctor, she is still miserable and unhappy. Her outlook on life is "Life's a b***h and then you die" so she thinks if you aren't working yourself to death, you aren't truly being productive. It sounds extremely sick to me. But despite claiming she wants me to be independent, she still makes me stay at home. I guess she thinks if I get away before whatever she wants me to do with my life happens that I'll either die in the streets or I will crash her paradigm.

I will admit I overspent on certain things such as entertainment and restaurant food. I did it mainly because I hate the general entertainment atmosphere around me which would be football, speeding cars, the bad side of gun culture, country/rap/pop music, "bro" games, and cartoons like Family Guy and South Park. I also felt like I fell behind on anime, manga, and comics since I was forced by peer pressure to not like those things for a long time and I felt like I had to catch up. I've since learned that even in those communities that not everyone keeps up with the same titles or even watches/reads the latest content in those mediums. I also used to overspend on music albums because I used to think I was going to be in a band and my guitar teacher at the time as well as the musicians I followed had a lot of music CDs so I thought I was supposed to do the same.
I now just buy albums from my favorite bands or if they are really interesting instead of binge purchasing on bands I may or may not stick with.

My mother has been through four marriages while my father has been through three (including my mother) so they gave me the outlook that you need to be married.

Definitely, you need to get your money and move out. Your mother is abusing you financially. That's the word. You are a grownup, you have all the right to decide what to do with your money and your life.
And you have all the right to make a wrong decision sometimes.
Guessing by the numbers, those marriages you mention don't seem high-quality :/

We've all heard the stereotype about girls liking bad boys. Like all stereotypes, it's exaggerated. I don't know if these criminal looking dudes just look like criminals or if they actually act like criminals. Maybe some of them just want to wear thug fashions without living the thug lifestyle.

In my experience, it's certainly possible for a "bad boy" to get girlfriends but these relationships don't last.

They usually don't last because the "thrill" is gone very quickly. Many of these "bad boys" suck in bed.

Without more of a basis than just "looks," most relationships don't tend to last.

Any expiriences you would like to share?

Kraftie was wild in his younger days

I've heard many stories from women who had "bad boys" as boyfriends.

Back in the 1980s, people were much more open about their sexual exploits than they are now. I heard lots of illustrative things, and sometimes very specific things.

They weren't. My mother would constantly complain about my father and her other husbands, especially on their body fat and interests. She's still doing the same thing with her current husband. There are times she'll ask God for help and I just have to shake my head when it happens. She actually thinks people who are Wiccan or Pagan believe they have magical powers (How is praying any different?) and thinks their message of being harmonious with nature is "weird".

My father's last marriage was really strange. He spent a month in Hawaii with the woman and got married to her there. However, they didn't live in the same house and he didn't want anyone else except for his family to know about the marriage. Why? He had a bunch of mistresses (A common thing with him) on the side and even had a secret house close to his hometown. The mistresses started finding out about his marriage and he had to sell the "pimp house" because his wife found out about it, too. However, HE would accuse HER of cheating on him.

The 80s must have been a pretty wild decade.

Well a payee would be someone who gets your SSI to spend on your needs, due mental impairment severe enough to make one unable to handle their own money...but doesn't seem like you are that mentally impaired so its likely she doesn't even have any legal right to 'withold' your SSI. I'd try to find out.

Also she shouldn't have access to your personal savings or checking account period...so either go to the bank and have them change your login or pin or whatever so she wont be able to access it anymore or just get a new account and only deposit money there and don't give her any access to it. I mean a potential girlfriend isn't going to want to move in with your mom and potentially have her worm her way into trying to control them to.

Also your therapist could be correct about what she thinks your moms motivations are, but that doesn't help you move out does it....does she have any advice on how to move out and stand up to your moms craziness?