The childless choice

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Has anyone else made the decision that they are never going to have children? How long have you felt that way, what are your reasons for that choice?

Interested to know what others think and feel.

I'm a man.

I've regretted not having children at age 56.

But I don't want to go through the hassle of raising a kid. I haven't made any effort to "create" a kid, or to adopt one.

I believe, though, that had I done so, I would be more enriched as a person.

I am an Antinatalist so its against my beliefs to have children, no one consents to be born and no parent can guarantee that their child and all future descendants will live a decent life and be decent people. Parenthood is inherently abusive one party has almost all the power and the other is their captive de facto property.

I'm 62; decided at 16 that I only wanted children if I was with the right partner (male for me, I'm cis-het-mono, but not dogmatic about that for others). I saw around me a society in which, at that time, at least half the population seemed primarily to be valued for their ability to produce the next generation - of which, half would be primarily valued only for procreative purposes - and on and on and oh dismal. The right partner would have seen me as human first, then female, then fertile or not. Met two dear men when I was between 18 and 30, with whom children would have been a celebration of love, and loved for themselves whoever they turned out to be; but we didn't last. I think both were HFA like me, which made a huge positive difference in our ability to relate to one another.

The older I got, the worse things looked... not only on the woman-as-procreation-appliance front, but in terms of wealth redistribution, healthcare declining in quality while skyrocketing in cost, gouging the rubes becoming the new national pastime, student debt...

I've seen societal changes here that make me incredibly glad I never had children, now. but I am fond of my neighbors' kids, and I would never breathe a hint of these thoughts to them or to anyone I know who has kids or grandkids. I feel that would simply be cruel, and would almost certainly be terribly misunderstood. My choice was made for me, for me alone.

Since under18, did not want children

34 now

Transgender aside

Not earning enough $$ for children

Do not like children

Raising children takes so much energy and time

Having children appears so meaningless

The solar system contains plenty of unwanted children already

The Neurosciences instructor said (something like).... The human brain has DNA 90 percent the same as a watermelon

So.... Do not get what is so great about family ties

Do not like children, usually

Do not like adults either. Usually

Even though I'm still young, certain influences in my life (such as the inevitable mother) occasionally turn my thoughts towards this question. I have a great deal of conflicting thoughts on whether I'd want kids. I honestly truly believe I'd be a terrible mother, and due to my sexuality: if I did end up settling with another woman, would she want to adopt? Would I? Could I stand to give birth or give up my enjoyment of hard sports/running during pregnancy? Does this make me supremely selfish?
Nowadays it disturbs me that I increasingly feel instants of sadness watching parents of my age group out with their kids. I think in these moments I would do anything to have that kind of love in my life... but once reality and skepticism slides back I remember all of my problems and can't ever see myself being in those parent's shoes.

I don't want any, and that is pretty surprising to everyone around me, since I really am the mothering type.
I'm good with children. I like them, and they like me. All of my jobs have involved them in one way or another.
Any time I've lived together with other people, I've gotten really caught up in cooking for everyone all the time (because that's how I show that I care).
I enjoy caring for others. I have a need for being needed. Which is why children seems like an obvious option for me.

I was undecided on whether or not I wanted children until I got diagnosed. I was always leaning towards no, because of many reasons. I enjoy peace and quiet too much, it seems very impractical and unnecessary, and very selfish. I'm always poor and always busy. Most of all because there's so much mental illness in my family, so I know that would get passed down on any child of mine too.
But it was the diagnosis that really settled it. My children would almost certainly be autistic, and also be prone to depression, maybe even schizophrenia on top of that. It just doesn't seem right to basically force suffering onto a living being.

I am not completely against the thought of adoption though. Because why make any more when there already are plenty of children in the world which no one is using?

^^ thank you for this kind and thought-ful reply. I'm very tired so I hope I express this well: I'm glad you found someone to make a raft of kids with (I think my neighbors' kids are great, the world is a better place with them in it; I just wish the world intended to be better to them).

When I find myself worrying about kids I know and like, and about current social trends, I've found a strange form of consolation in having read historical fiction written by a married couple who are serious anthropologists / paleontologists. Michael and Kathleen Gear.

It's pretty heavy stuff, intelligent but blunt. They don't pull punches, you don't want pre-college kids reading it, and if you are squeamish there are bits you will skip - I certainly have. But they have written about societal collapses and major cataclysms that affected indigenous people in North America, and how those people came through them. Including families with kids. Which the anthropological record shows they did. (Mostly ) I guess they were doing Game of Thrones level fiction before GOT, but with real societies, if that gives you an idea. And they write well, and since they are experts in their field, you really get a sense of how these earlier people lived, thought, believed.

Anyway, seeing that real people have come through some seriously difficult times (major volcanic eruptions. Bretz floods. Serious stuff.) has been a source of comfort to me in *these* difficult times. For what it's worth - with best wishes. (Yawns, shuts down computer, toddles off to bed.)

I get along well with kids, and can relate to them. I just really don’t want to be a mother. It’s hard enough looking after myself.

I've always known I don't want children. I don't have any dislike of children per se but feel absolutely no desire to be a father. As I've gotten older I've noticed the noise and chaos children cause grates on me. So what if my genetic line stops at me, what's the big deal? There's over 7 billion people on the planet and the population continues to increase. There's no shortage of genetic material out there or people willing to breed. Let 'em. I'll sit back and watch as society carries on it's merry way while I enjoy my very peaceful and comfortable lifestyle.

Never wanted children. I prefer peace & solitude instead. I don’t regret it.

I'm physically queer, so I can't have biological children.
Which is fine with me - I don't want any, I'm child free. I don't like children. I would really dislike that element in my life, and I don't regret the fact that I can't procreate.
However, I do note that people seem to assume that I should want kids, and the fact that I don't have any automatically means (a) I haven't been able to secure anyone to have kids with me even though I want to, or (b) I'm sad that I don't have kids.
Even weirder, this regard stays the same whether that person is interpreting me as a woman, or a man.
They ask me "are you married? Have any kids?"
I say no, and they seem to look sad for me, and say things I assume are meant to be comforting, like "well you'll have kids some day, plenty of time."
Weird.

I don't think I'll have children. It would be too much for me to deal with, I think. I sort of agree with Larkin's 'This Be The Verse' - 'Man hands on misery to man/It deepens like a coastal shelf.' I'm not antinatalist, though.

I'm always grateful to have been born in a time/place where procreation is optional for women. I can't begin to tell you how grateful I am for that.