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EzraS
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26 Oct 2017, 4:31 am

I'll most likely never live truely independently. I find it halfway frustrating and halfway comforting. I know when I turn 18 my parents are going to try treating me as a border as much as possible. Set it up for me to pay rent and utilities etc. Give me at least a taste of independent living however possible.



renaeden
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26 Oct 2017, 7:01 am

^That's what my parents did for me when I moved back in with them in my early 30s after having mental health problems. Made me pay my way.

Right now I'm living in government housing (it's tiny) with my flatmate who's my best friend and also autistic. She doesn't work or study while I'm a student studying computer programming. We both get the Disability Support Pension which enables us to get by but with very little spare money. It's really hard to save. I have a car that's really old but I love it as I've had it for 17 years. It definitely has my imprint on it.

After I finish studying, I hope to get a part time job involving computers. I haven't had a job in a very long time.



Fraser_S
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26 Oct 2017, 11:56 am

I'm 26 and live on my own. I rent a flat that my dad owns. I don't currently have a job, was at college but dropped out and rely on benefits. I'm actually quite lucky as i'm in a somewhat "comfortable" position. But the downside is feeling a lot of deep guilt and shame, knowing that people are out there working hard every day, while I struggle to find the motivation and courage just to make a quick trip to the shops. It just leaves you feeling so low and pathetic, which only makes it worse.



League_Girl
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26 Oct 2017, 1:23 pm

Don't worry about the statistics, worry about yourself. I have lived on my own since I was nearly twenty and then I lived with my ex boyfriend and then with my aunt and uncle and then with my husband. I am pretty independent. I have also worked several jobs and have one now.


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ZombieBrideXD
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27 Oct 2017, 2:21 am

i like to think i live pretty independently but the way i live is pretty unique

Me, My dad, my grandfather, my great aunt and my aunt all live on the same property. my grandfather lives in a big house with his teenage daughter, in the basement lives his sister, i live in the garage attic by myself and my dad lives in a shack he build himself next door.

i have a job i go to and work about 20 hours a week give or take. i think i do pretty well although....

1. I live on a first nation reservation and i live with my grandfather so i dont pay rent or anything, i do pay Electricity, and internet though.

2. My dad comes over daily. when i work i eat at work but i really rely on my dad to cook for me, sometimes if i have a day off and i dont see my dad i will literally not eat or just eat dry cereal.

other than that i live a simple life, i have 4 pets at the moment and i make sure their fed and let out ( but i wont lie, sometimes i forget and my dad needs to remind me.) I buy my own groceries (usually just cereal and Diet Coke). i bring myself to work and bring myself home afterwards (i work on reserve) i am able to shower myself daily (although i havent brushed my teeth in a while and its hard to keep up with my hair, i dont normally wash my clothes ) I just recently started washing my dishes and throwing away garbage, i used to just leave my garbage on the floor and leave dishes in the sink but now since i started working i keep my house clean (for the most part, my bedroom/bahtroom is still a mess).

so yeah id give myself a A for effort! i think im adulting pretty good, im 20.


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C2V
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27 Oct 2017, 3:33 am

Uh, independent living. I'm one of those statistics, and I hate it. I'm embarrassed about it and don't like to admit it to anyone.
I have done a few stretches being sort-of-independent - I lived on campus at university for a while, but it was supported in a way being campus housing - you went to commissary for meals, your schedule was VERY tight and you were required for head check at all lectures and tutorials, you were watched over by a section monitor you had to answer to, etc. Everything like health/medical and fitness stuff was on campus. I was on student benefits at the time due to a full time schedule, so not required to hold down a job.
Then I got sucked back in with relatives when that all went to shite, which it always does.
Then got a job and went sort-of-independent for a few months providing care support for someone else, but all I did was care for him - he did everything else with covering our respective arses and took control of everything, I was just there to assist him because he was physically disabled and that was my job.
Sucked back in with relatives again.
Then I went semi-independent again a few different times with a supported accommodation for people with special needs, but I was on unemployment and I had a case worker I had to report to every two weeks for wellbeing stuff / counseling, and she dealt with any problems rather than me, so it wasn't real independence.
Then got sucked in with relatives again when that went to shite.
Then I house-sat for a while, so while I was living sort-of-independently in that I was looking after my own needs, I was back on unemployment, and as it was someone else's place I wasn't responsible for maintaining it in depth - I was just a temporary minder, not responsible for rent or mortgage, dealing with utilities and holding down a job to support the house, etc.
Then got sucked back in with other relatives and while it was more mutual - I did things that person couldn't do and generally made myself useful (they are elderly) it was still her house. I was just an interloper really.
Then sucked back in with relatives again big time because I had a severe breakdown.
Now I'm working on nomad independence while doing another house-sitting gig in a month, so I will never have to be sucked back into relatives power again.
They are very controlling, interfering people who never want to allow me to get away from them. Every time I screw it up and prove I can't live independently, I think they're secretly pleased.
With my plans now, even if I screw it up, even if something as severe as having another breakdown was to happen, I still would not end up crawling back to them.
Needless to say I have a LOT of problems living independently, and it makes me hate myself. At my age, I should have been independent years ago, and that I'm not and can't seem to sustain independence makes me feel like I'm useless and disabled.


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Edna3362
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27 Oct 2017, 4:51 am

I could have lived independently if it weren't for my current country's economy. :x As do the majority of those from where I live before me.
It's impossible to own a place before 35 or so unless you're a manager and owns plenty of booming business with investments (which isn't easy to have and do), have a top salary AND being frugal to save up (and ever barely could invest), born lucky, or rich to begin with.
Renting with bills cannot be resolved alone unless your salary is around above average and living alone... Or having massive debt.

And I have even yet to take account how crappy the average financial literacy of people around here. Not to mention the odds on how many could ever qualified or access, let alone keep up with house mortgages and housing loans.


In my current case, I hold down a fulltime job. I also volunteered pay the household's water bill every month.
More than half of my salary goes to commuting to work more than anything else if I choose the most convenient and fastest way around. It's really stupid. :skull: I'm glad that I like to walk a lot. But then, same true with several employees I knew.


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GiantHockeyFan
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27 Oct 2017, 6:32 am

Edna3362 wrote:
And I have even yet to take account how crappy the average financial literacy of people around here. Not to mention the odds on how many could ever qualified or access, let alone keep up with house mortgages and housing loans.

That's what ultimately saved me as the job market here sucks, as people with multiple degrees apply to temporary jobs all the time. The difference between me and my cousins was a)I saved during my early years and b)I understand how compound interest works. As a result, both my wife and I have excellent credit and were able to get an awesome interest rate on our mortgage despite not being rich in any way. The reason housing prices haven't increased much here is because less and less people qualify for mortgages and about a quarter the houses in my neighbourhood are now rented out.

I remember a broke coworker bragging about how they got a line of credit to take a big, expensive vacation. I asked them how the interest was compounded on the loan and they said "I didn't think it mattered enough to ask" I politely pointed out that yes, it could mean paying hundreds or even thousands of dollars extra for literally nothing.



MagicMeerkat
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27 Oct 2017, 7:06 am

Yes. I had to fight my mom to let me though. I wanted to leave home because my mom was getting abusive. Maybe not physically, but there's only so much verbal and emotional torment a person can take. She wanted to put me in a group home so I could "learn" to be independent. I found out the place she was planning to send me too, looked at their website and saw that all the testimonials were from parents and guardians, NOT the people who lived there themselves. I also contacted them and NEVER heard back. I told my mom about this and she was livid, saying a sabotaged my chances of getting in. I was like, "Well, good. I didn't want to go there in the first place." I ran away and spent five days in a homeless shelter and my parents realized I could survive being away from them. Probably a good thing too because my parents never let me to anything to be independent with them. I wanted to learn to drive but my parents wouldn't let me. Telling me I was too "immature" and to wait until I was 18, and when I was 18 to wait until I was 21. My mom says she had always planned for me to take this local county bus to go places. Forget about an emergency or something you want to do on the spur of the moment, that county bus has to be reserved two weeks in advance and it will only take you to doctor's appointments or counseling sessions. Sometimes they will take people to buy groceries, but I'd feel very rushed because that bus picks you up to take you home at a certain time. If you wanted to go home early, forget that too. I wonder if the group home thing was just some kind of empty threat because when I was younger, my mom worked in a group home and after all the abuse she saw there, she said she'd never allow any of her kids to be put in one.


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casuard
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27 Oct 2017, 7:39 am

I've lived with my wife from the age of 23 (12 years). She's had suspicions that I was autistic/Asperger's since her psychology classes in college, but I've only recently 'bought in' to that idea for various reasons. She's told me for years that I wouldn't make it without her, and I think she was only half joking. My only experience with living completely independently was for 4.5 years in college, and I had a very difficult time adjusting to that. I was lucky enough to only be about 1.5 hours from home, so I was able to go home almost every weekend, see family and friends, wash clothes and run errands in a comfortable location, etc. I never completely adjusted at all in hindsight, and stress levels were very high. Luckily I had a way out. But for those rare times when I knew I wouldn't be able to go home, I felt like it was the end of the world when I left from my parent's house for the last time for 2 weeks.

This is just one of many examples where I've always thought I was experiencing 'normal' things, but in hindsight I realize just how close to the edge I was.



fluffysaurus
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27 Oct 2017, 9:18 am

Fraser_S wrote:
I'm 26 and live on my own. I rent a flat that my dad owns. I don't currently have a job, was at college but dropped out and rely on benefits. I'm actually quite lucky as i'm in a somewhat "comfortable" position. But the downside is feeling a lot of deep guilt and shame, knowing that people are out there working hard every day, while I struggle to find the motivation and courage just to make a quick trip to the shops. It just leaves you feeling so low and pathetic, which only makes it worse.


I don't think you should feel bad about benefits, a lot of people are on them at some point. I was for a couple of years when I first left school, then I paid in (not much) for twenty years then on again for a bit. I felt bad the first time because I didn't realise that a lot of people with fuller lives were also on some benefits. People are just trying to get by. As long as you know your doing your best then you should concentrate on how well you're doing, it's hard though not to compare with other people who seem more together.



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27 Oct 2017, 9:49 am

I think I'm allowed to say that I do...

I graduated at the age of 18 and half, so a month after that I moved out of my parents' house since even if I were to find a job I wouldn't have been able to go there if I lived at my childhood home since there's no public tranportation there and I can't get a driver's license. However, that doesn't mean I started living independently, not really. I moved in to a two bedroom apartment together with a relative (and her dog) and lived like that for about a year and half. I paid half of the rent, water, electricy and the internet, bought and most of the time also cooked my own food. I also cleaned the apartment (minus her room) every other week. The reason I can't bring myself to count this as independent living is that she was always there to fix things almost the second I messed up, explained to me how everything was done and taught me step by step how to cook certain foods... actually, it turned out that I had even washed some of the dishes wrong before she taught me how to do it correctly.

A year and half later she told me she wants to move in with her boyfriend, so she helped me to find a smaller (a lot smaller) apartment for myself since there was no way I could've afforded the one we had on my own. Looking back I realize that I probably wouldn't have made it on my own if I had directly moved to this apartment on my own without having to learn things from my relative first. I can handle basic things like dishes, laundry and basic weekly cleaning with no problem (okay, I do break dishes sometimes, but that's just me being clumsy), but I struggle a bit with things that don't need to be done so often... like cleaning the floor drain (I did that today actually.) Wasn't as hard as I thought after I got the grid off... with a toothpick. I also had trouble with cleaning that thing that is above the stove (google translate says cooker hood; is that an actual word?) and putting it back... after lots of goole and texting and calling my mom I was able to handle it, though. I also have a feeling that the next time I need to change the dust bag of my vacuum cleaner I'm going to need help; mom has shown me how to do it and all but I'm pretty sure I've forgotten.

When it comes to taking care of myself financially, well... I'm entirely on benefits minus the phone bill that my dad handles. I have worked before and am completely cabable of doing the job I've been educated for, but haven't found a job. Actively looking, though. I have no problem with taking care of the bills or anything (I keep detailed records every month about my money), but I need to be careful with money since it's not really that much. In any case, I suppose this means I'm not financially independent?

Also, my parents and my sisters live close (about twenty minute car drive away), so if I do have any serious trouble then they're just a call away most of the time... and my sister works just a few hundred meters away from my apartment... quess where she comes to fix her make up before going to work. :lol:



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27 Oct 2017, 12:42 pm

My Mum left home when I was 14 so it was just me and my Dad. I left school at 17, first attempt to move out at 20, panicked, failed, back to Dad's. Got my first job, part time, at around 22, second attempt to move out at 24, panicked, failed, back to Dad's. Finally passed driving test at 26, I live in a rural area. Full time job at 30. Third attempt to move out at 34, done gradually over 3 months, yes paid all that rent without spending one night there, but HURRAH! it worked.
Obviously it's different for everyone, my problems were a lot to do with my obsessive behaviour over contamination. I think the trick is to do it your own way at your own speed no matter how mad that might look to others.
I didn't believe I would ever do it, it's the hardest thing I've ever done, but I kept telling myself if I do this I can do anything, so since moving when anything's gone wrong I've coped by reminding myself that I managed to move so I can cope with the new problem too (after a bit of hysteria).
I haven't regretted it once and I have a much better relationship with my Dad now I no longer live with him :)



MagicKnight
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27 Oct 2017, 2:20 pm

I'm living by myself for a decade now and would have done that much sooner if I had the chance.



dragonsanddemons
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27 Oct 2017, 3:31 pm

I think I could live independently, if I could just get a job I can support myself on. I also think I'm perfectly capable of working full-time (only ever had a part-time cleaning job), if I could just get hired. I keep applying to places and hearing nothing back :(


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BTDT
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27 Oct 2017, 3:33 pm

Have you tried applying in person? If you have transportation to an industrial park you may find a bunch of Aspie friendly jobs.