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MaxwellS
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13 Nov 2017, 2:41 pm

I am a care-dependent adult. I am very dependent on my mother. However, I am often told by people how smart I am, and how, because of that, I can do anything. I find this very annoying, mainly because there is more to being successful that just having books smarts. I am a good writer, as people say, but only about topics that I want to write about.

I will give you another example. People sometimes cannot understand why I don't drive. They think because people describe me as "high functioning" that I am able to function just like a normal adult, including drive. Explaining to people that this is not the case seems pointless to me.

For the longest time, my own mother thought I could handle college because I "was smart". Truth is not everyone on the spectrum is college material. For example, try giving me a writing assignment on something that isn't a preferred topic.

Does anyone else here find overestimation of your abilities to be an insult? It is really annoying to me.


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L.Williamson
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13 Nov 2017, 2:50 pm

I get that problem too. People often say to me that I should go to University when I'm older, But where I have bad organisational skills I would probably not be able to keep up with all the work! At school they expect me to have everything done perfectly and on time, and it really annoys me how they instantly assume that I can do so in most cases!



LostGirI
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13 Nov 2017, 3:20 pm

MaxwellS wrote:
I am a care-dependent adult. I am very dependent on my mother. However, I am often told by people how smart I am, and how, because of that, I can do anything. I find this very annoying, mainly because there is more to being successful that just having books smarts. I am a good writer, as people say, but only about topics that I want to write about.

I will give you another example. People sometimes cannot understand why I don't drive. They think because people describe me as "high functioning" that I am able to function just like a normal adult, including drive. Explaining to people that this is not the case seems pointless to me.

For the longest time, my own mother thought I could handle college because I "was smart". Truth is not everyone on the spectrum is college material. For example, try giving me a writing assignment on something that isn't a preferred topic.

Does anyone else here find overestimation of your abilities to be an insult? It is really annoying to me.


It annoys me in the workplace when I ask for help and I get told "you're a smart girl, you'll figure it out" and such like. It drives me crazy as I'm not the sort of person to ask for help unless I need it. So that is not the kind of crap I want to hear if I'm asking you for help! People just automatically assume you are okay and you'll manage because you're smart, but it is draining.


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hobojungle
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13 Nov 2017, 3:32 pm

I’ve become accustomed to being held to neurotypical standards, for better & worse. It’s nobody else’s job to understand me. I find it hard enough understanding myself. Everyone is annoying to someone. That is humans for you.



dragonsanddemons
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13 Nov 2017, 3:35 pm

Yes, I get this all the time, and it drives me absolutely bonkers. In my case, it's because my functioning level varies, so people see me at my best and assume I'm always capable of that. For example, they'll see me being sociable for an hour or two, but what they don't know is that I then spend the next few days recovering from the intense socialization, barely able to say a word. No one who's met me in person has ever believed me when I tell them that when I'm too stressed, tired, anxious, feeling a strong emotion, or experiencing sensory overload, I can't speak no matter how hard I try - my vocal cords just won't respond. They always tell me things like "No, I think you just don't want to speak", "Oh, don't blame your vocal cords", and "You can if you try hard enough." My dad especially has a tendency to accuse me of not trying hard enough or not caring about things when in actuality I tried my hardest, but all he sees is that I didn't succeed. It's very frustrating and demoralizing to be constantly told that my best isn't good enough.


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13 Nov 2017, 3:37 pm

I get that all the time. People think that if I can walk, talk and make decisions, it means I am able to work full-time with no problem. OK I am high-functioning, I can do things for myself, I can catch the bus on my own and I have street smarts. But there are some things that I do need support with. I work part-time, 3 days a week, and that is perfectly enough for me.

Also, if people say they have it worse than me, for example pointing out that they do 5 days a week and I only do 3, that still doesn't make me feel any better about myself. They probably think I'm being lazy, but it's not that at all. Everybody needs time to recharge, but I need more time to recharge. I'd rather have more free time to work on my hobbies than to earn an extra day's wage. But I find that very awkward to explain to people.

It is a natural human trait to moan about work, but I believe that if NTs didn't work, most would get bored and start to crave a social structure to their weekly routine, which is work (unless you are stinking rich and can afford to travel around the world and/or live the high-class lifestyle). But average-class NTs subconsciously want to work, even if they sound like they don't want to. But I think us Aspies are happier either doing a job we really strongly enjoy, or just making our own enjoyments and routines. It's hard when you are cursed with this disability you didn't ask for but still have to conform to NT society, which means work work work.


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DataB4
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13 Nov 2017, 5:36 pm

I hate the "smart girl" sarcasm, drives me nuts.

Joe90, a bit off topic, I come across a significant number of people who manage to work full-time at jobs they hate. Or they work 50 plus hours a week, admittedly in jobs they find stressful at times. Some of these folks have long commutes, children, active social lives, volunteer commitments, and on and on. It baffles my mind. How do these people not have daily breakdowns, panic attacks, meltdowns, rages, whatever, in response to their stress and lack of freedom? I realize not everyone can live their lifestyle, and my anxiety takes a huge toll. Still, I feel inferior at times.



LostGirI
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13 Nov 2017, 5:45 pm

DataB4 wrote:
I hate the "smart girl" sarcasm, drives me nuts.

Joe90, a bit off topic, I come across a significant number of people who manage to work full-time at jobs they hate. Or they work 50 plus hours a week, admittedly in jobs they find stressful at times. Some of these folks have long commutes, children, active social lives, volunteer commitments, and on and on. It baffles my mind. How do these people not have daily breakdowns, panic attacks, meltdowns, rages, whatever, in response to their stress and lack of freedom? I realize not everyone can live their lifestyle, and my anxiety takes a huge toll. Still, I feel inferior at times.

I also feel inferior a lot of the time. In my workplace there's people with kids working these crazy shifts around the clock. Some doing it without childcare and I can't even manage to look after myself and work and I only live a mile down the road. Not a hefty commute like a lot of these people. But that was before I got my diagnosis. Now, I accept I can only do what I can do and it's not my fault. It's not a choice, it's how I am. Right now I'm thinking two days a week is all I can think about coping with when I return to work. I need the days off to recharge and fit in my routines and special interests so that I don't get anxious and obsessive over them. Because then I don't sleep and get more and more anxious and in a downward spiral. I just don't think it's worth it. I'll have to take the hit financially but if it means mentally I'm better off it'll be worth it


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DataB4
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13 Nov 2017, 8:16 pm

^How do they do that? I feel that even if you cured my GAD, I would still have some trouble juggling all those responsibilities at odd hours and having little time for my own interests. I'd have no friends either if I did that.

Did you say you'd get obsessed over your work, your interests, or both, if you didn't have the time to recharge?



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13 Nov 2017, 9:32 pm

MaxwellS wrote:
I am a care-dependent adult. I am very dependent on my mother. However, I am often told by people how smart I am, and how, because of that, I can do anything. I find this very annoying, mainly because there is more to being successful that just having books smarts. I am a good writer, as people say, but only about topics that I want to write about.

I will give you another example. People sometimes cannot understand why I don't drive. They think because people describe me as "high functioning" that I am able to function just like a normal adult, including drive. Explaining to people that this is not the case seems pointless to me.

For the longest time, my own mother thought I could handle college because I "was smart". Truth is not everyone on the spectrum is college material. For example, try giving me a writing assignment on something that isn't a preferred topic.

Does anyone else here find overestimation of your abilities to be an insult? It is really annoying to me.


I'm not sure. Someone asked me about this in PM. The "you can do it" routine. I usually interpret it as them being encouraging or just not understanding my autism. Other times it can be annoying.

There's someone I play an online video game with and he'll say something like "after 2 years you still don't know how to (do whatever)?" Sometimes I get annoyed. Other times I just think "you don't understand how this works do you" as far as my abilities and lack of abilities go. Also since I perform okay in some areas and understand some things, probably the assumption is that I can take it to the next level. Or that I should already be at that level.

I try to put most of it down as a lack of understanding, which I can forgive. Since I don't understand it myself at times.



LostGirI
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14 Nov 2017, 7:19 am

DataB4 wrote:
^How do they do that? I feel that even if you cured my GAD, I would still have some trouble juggling all those responsibilities at odd hours and having little time for my own interests. I'd have no friends either if I did that.

Did you say you'd get obsessed over your work, your interests, or both, if you didn't have the time to recharge?


I really don't know. In the last year or so though, they have formed a really tight little friendship group and on their days off they'll meet up and do things with their kids or whatever. They have each other so I think that is how they get through it. I have tried to fit in with some of them but I never do and so I have given up. They are okay individual but as a group not so good. Even some NTs have gotten upset because they have felt left out. One of them who used to talk bad about me behind my back and who seemed obsessed with me at one point complained to me about it and I told her that it is how I used to always feel but now I'm over it and I don't really care anymore.

I get obsessed about both. I get obsessed about work and the rotas. What shifts I'll be on and will I be able to manage them. Will I be able to stick to my routine with my workouts, will I be able to eat enough, when will I be able to eat, what will I eat, will I be able to put my bins out, will my dog be okay, will I get enough sleep, who will I be working with, will I be on theatre duty, the list just goes on and is endless. But the main obsession is work rotas, food/mealtimes/breaks and my workout routine. They are my special interests and I get anxious if I can't do them or stick to certain things on set days and do certain things as part of that. I'll not sleep or on my days off I'll be holed up in my room with a pen and notepad trying to work out various combinations of how I can fit it all in and I exhaust myself. So then I get too tired to do anything and get tearful and start breaking down all over the place. They may be my special interests but they also keep me sane and I get to interact with people too at the gym.

I initially went to my GP a few years ago thinking I had some kind of exercise or food disorder but they said no, it's OCD most likely and anxiety. I do have a very obsessive personality. I can't help it


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DataB4
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14 Nov 2017, 9:22 am

^I’ve never really fit in with work groups either. Most of that sort of camaraderie is annoyingly superficial. I can't believe your coworker, who used to complain about you, actually had the nerve to complain to you about feeling snubbed. :lol: It’s better off that you don’t care about them anymore and have better people to chat with at the gym.

Would your exhausting obsession loop be any better if you had the same work shift each day?



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14 Nov 2017, 9:32 am

I get the thing about being a good writer a lot. I did get As in college English Comp. 1 & 2.

Unfortunately, I think it's extremely difficult to succeed as a writer.



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14 Nov 2017, 11:09 am

Well I guess its a good thing that your mom did at least try to let you get an education though. The only way you can find out whether your capable is to try.



LostGirI
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14 Nov 2017, 11:15 am

DataB4 wrote:
^I’ve never really fit in with work groups either. Most of that sort of camaraderie is annoyingly superficial. I can't believe your coworker, who used to complain about you, actually had the nerve to complain to you about feeling snubbed. :lol: It’s better off that you don’t care about them anymore and have better people to chat with at the gym.

Would your exhausting obsession loop be any better if you had the same work shift each day?

Argh! I just typed a really long reply and it's disappeared! I'm working on all that at the moment but even so, I just don't seem to be able to cope with anything at all anymore. It's the social side with my colleagues and when there is idle time. I just can't cope with that and the unpredictability of the job. I've been like it the last 2 years, it's like my head has just totally gone


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