Need help with mouthy aspie

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Muggsy Bogues is 5 foot 3. And he had a long career in the NBA.

But....most players in the NBA are over 6 feet tall.

The idea is not to keep the diagnosis from him forever, just like you don't discuss the birds and bees with an 8 year old NT kid, you don't want to burden the kid with a diagnosis that doesn't really have a cure. No one likes to think of themselves as different, there are some on the spectrum who want to be a part of social groups, just like some of them might want to be left alone with their interests.

If I were to venture a guess, my 12 year old has the emotional maturity of a 8 - 9 year old. I want to talk to him about this when I feel he has the ability to disassociate the diagnosis from how he feels about it.

Again, I am not trying to fix/convert my aspie into NT. I know that he will always lack in empathy, dexterity, volume modulation and other physical skills. I want him to be the best he can and pursue his interests like science etc without his quirks hampering him too much.

trust me, there are a lot of things NTs want to do but will not do, even if it causes us discomfort. we learn what not do do by practice and observation of our surroundings. 80% of our day is routine, stuff that some aspies can learn to do, albeit with more effort and time.

If his quirks get in the way of his dreams, is it my job as a parent who has the diagnosis to:

1> Not get in the way of his quirks, because I know it helps him better deal with all the environmental stimulus.

2> Try and lessen the obviousness of his quirks so that he can achieve what he aspires to do, aspirations that he voices very openly and vocally.

as an NT, I see myself doing option 2, which is hard on both of us. since there is dearth of data and since the spectrum is so broad, I am not sure that option 1, even if recommended by other adult aspies, is the way to go..

I'd love to hear from high functioning aspie adults and parents of high functioning aspies as to what works best for my concerns:

leave him be and let him figure stuff out

offer 1 -2 hours per day therapy to help him deal better with the world around him.

Thanks all for the great inputs/ advise

One of those who responded was saying that aspie quirks don't need fixing, the focus should be on nurturing/improving the strengths that your aspie has.

This is more complex, as your aspie grows up, he is aware that he is different, he is not necessarily aware that his quirks are listed in the DSM. My aspie thinks of himself as "science boy", though I think his approach to things fit a legal career more. He loves to talk politics, public policy etc. his positions are based on rules and order, so his opinions skew right, which is fine with me, even though I am more left leaning.

I don't think talking about a diagnosis/ label is helpful at this point, since he thinks of himself as different, and labels classify people into "good" different vs "bad" different. I point out areas that need work, so that it helps him in his goal of being "science man" . We talk of Tesla vs Edison, and how soft skills sometimes trumps raw genius, to further my point regarding team work, empathy, social skills, manners etc.

My big failing is maintaining my cool. He does not assess risk well. that means jumping around playing Thor/optimus inside the house, where he could potentially hurt himself/ others. this leads me to call him names. We do have a lot of talks regarding safety/ consequences etc. He is also getting mouthy, like other pre teen NTs, but he obviously has no sense of hierarchy, which triggers a response from me, after a while of him yelling at me.

My observation is that it takes consistency over a long period of time, 6 months to a year, before you see a change in 1 unwanted behavior. Maintaining patience over such a long period is tough..

So, if anyone has a shortcut/trick to making an aspie GET your point of view , that would be great to know..

A few days ago my daughter watched a video on YouTube where autism was listed as a mental illness. She thought that it was funny. I did not pay much attention to it. It was only yesterday that she asked me in a more puzzled tone: "Why is autism a mental illness?"

I am just wondering, how other parents address that question?

I mean, if you Google on Internet on parents that have talked about autism to their children, they'll mentioned things like Albert Einstein and paint a picture that autism is not a bad thing. Yet at the same time these parents do agree that autism is a mental illness. (And some parents would describe how they felt an urge to cry when they had to tell their children about autism.) So, they are basically telling their children: "You are defective, but it's not too bad."

Huh?

I don't know what other people tell their children. I had zero problem telling everything to my daughter. I mean, come on. She is fully developed and fully successful. So am I. So, if you tell me that autism is a mental illness, I think you are out of your mind. It's no surprise that she thought it was a joke. I still think it is a joke.

So I told her: I don't think it is a mental illness. I reminded her about the letter I wrote to her on her 8th birthday, where I mentioned many people out there don't understand autism. I told her, some children are lucky, like you and your brother, because your Daddy understands you guys. Other children are not lucky, because their parents and and their teachers don't understand autism, so those children never really get a chance to develop. That was all.

I also encourage you to reconsider how you have your home set up. ASD boys need to MOVE and pace and stim, etc to self-calm. My son was always wrapped into some fantasy world and talking to some imaginary mate while he was "pacing." Once I figured out that he NEEDED to do this and that he had far fewer melt-downs if I didn't try to reign it in, we were all happier.

Yes, I totally agree. ASD boys need space. My son would pace for hours. We have a path in the garden that's about 15 meters long and he would pace up and down, up and down, over and over, having very animated conversations, complete with hand gestures and facial expressions, with an imaginary person. I worried when he left home that he wouldn't have a good pacing place but his apartment is next to a river with a walking path along it and with his earphones from his ipod, he looks like he is talking to someone hand free on a phone. Phew!
If he couldn't pace I think he would explode. I do not believe it's something he wants to do as much as he needs to. Finding a safe space for your son to work off the energy will help relax him.

^:D A hobby horse, I had one at home,. We weren't aloud to take things like that to school, prob for the best as I've never been a good sharer.

My preschool had those. It was basically a plush horse's head on the end of a plastic rod. I saw kids playing with them, but I was never interested. The toy was too unrealistic for my tastes; I mean, you're still standing on your own feet, only holding a stick between your legs (that's what she said! ). How's that like riding a horse? (Oh wait, I'm supposed to use my imagination. ) If anything, I found mechanical riding horses to be more fun; at least I was actually riding something that looked like a real horse in its entirety.