Inner Circles

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Even with the friendlier to you NT's, it is rare that you will be a confidant to one or be in their inner circle.You'll still see all their activities on Facebook that they didn't include you in. They aren't being purposely mean. You just don't cross their minds as a person to include.

I'm not in any "inner circle," anywhere--whether on Facebook or in real life.

Sometimes, it grates me that I feel excluded. Most times, though, I feel fortunate for this.

I'm not as bothered by it now as in the past. I thought this was a pertinent topic to bring up.

I socialize with my girls and my husband.

It's good to have family who cares.

Of course this is a pertinent topic.

I wanted to see other people's experience with this.

I know that feel.

In school, my friends would discuss right in front of me things they were doing together or things they had done. They weren't bad people and they weren't mean to me, it just never crossed their mind that I considered myself to be in the friendship group. Someone who I considered either my best or second best friend had said (I only learned this years later) that it was kind of sad that I had kinda no friends back then. Again, she wasn't a mean person, it just wasn't how she saw the situation.

Cratilla, I had a similar experience with the people at my table in my high school ceramics class. They all hung out with each other outside of school and I was never included. The guy in the group complemented the other two girls on their appearances but never me. I was known as the person who didn't really have any friends, but I did have one good friend in high school that I hung out with on weekends. Making friends was hard as a kid and it's even harder as an adult.

Yeah for sure! How about the NT's who deny there is such thing as an in crowd?

Either they live in a plastic bubble or they are gas lighting us.

I don't really feel excluded to be honest because I kind of dis involve myself because it all seems very confusing to me when people get together.

But I do actually see the world as being full of lonely people and some lonely people need to attach themselves to other lonely people.

When I'm at work I'm surrounded by people and most of these people are similar to me in a sense that they can't wait to her home and shut the world out.

I really don't think that has anything to do with autism or non autism.

Oh yeah, Elaine these people know what they are doing. Gaslighting as you said makes sense.

I was in a situation where I needed to get relevant job experience so that meant working as a volunteer for awhile.

Offline?
.. I'm one of my NT boss's confidant in certain stuffs -- stuffs, I mean specific things both business and personal alike, not only for business and confidentiality. That's the closest I got.
Probably because I'm sort of an outsider with little bias from any insiders. Said bias would mean insiders rolling their eyes on her beliefs, or that it seem to be too close for their comfort.
Kinda ironic it's like I'm a confidant because I'm an aspie or that I'm clueless enough not to react the same way as others would have.

And we're not exactly a buddy-buddy because she's not my equal not only in position, but also regards outside that. She's the nurturer.
But then, so are plenty of family friends I would rather hang out with.


Online?
In my past internet life, I had been one of the major members and a confidant to many on a certain online circle. They appointed me to be their leader even -- only to find out I hate managing people. I'm better off as everyone's assistant, advisor, or second in command. Heck, they didn't even disbanded themselves and literally waited me for more than a year because my household couldn't afford internet connection for that long.
They'd probably still insist me to do it again, but I don't want to.
Some other circles from said same online domain wanted me to be with them.
And, they're still my friends on Facebook. Even it's been like 2-3 years since I spoke to most of them.
Only a very few knew I'm in the spectrum, and most of them are NDs themselves who confided me their respective cases.



But honestly, I would rather be a witness than being a part of something or anyone revolving around me.
Not because I'm being a pessimist about being invited, but because if I'm included it kinda felt awkward instead of honorable... I want to be outside the spotlights or behind the scenes at closest distance possible.
And, I really enjoy being a witness of things and one of the best role I got (next after being the apathetic outsider who is rarely seen or heard) is to be an available neutral party whom no one could influence with or against.

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You were fortunate. It's better than being invisible.