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Marknis
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01 Dec 2017, 5:41 pm

I want to die. I hate how the culture around me considers me to be scum simply because I don't mindlessly call myself a Christian and I don't drink or smoke until I vomit and pass out. I am 29 years old and I don't have a college degree, I don't have a career, and I don't have a girlfriend. I can't even get a f*****g date and I am at the age where it should be second nature for me. :cry:



XFilesGeek
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01 Dec 2017, 6:00 pm

All the reasons your peers consider you "scum" are the exact reasons you're better than them.

I grew up in a town full of racists, homophobes, ect., but I was able to escape. The world isn't the same everywhere you go. Sometimes, I wish I wasn't asexual so I could show you great guys just how special you are.


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kraftiekortie
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01 Dec 2017, 6:03 pm

It's never "second nature" for people as far as getting dates are concerned.

Usually, people who are "good" at getting dates have too much experience--in that they go from one person to another constantly.

It's the people who don't have much "practice" who usually are the most "successful."



elbowgrease
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01 Dec 2017, 6:40 pm

At the OP.
There are many of your posts that I can relate to. Some seem almost word for word like things I've said to myself and the people around me. Some in the past, to some extent I've been able to grow and change. Some in the present, things I still deal with.
My Sifu's last words to me were: "Learn to love yourself, and to let yourself be loved."
It's not an easy thing to do, and it may not be as simple as it seems.
It's the only advice I can give you.



Marknis
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01 Dec 2017, 6:41 pm

XFilesGeek wrote:
All the reasons your peers consider you "scum" are the exact reasons you're better than them.

I grew up in a town full of racists, homophobes, ect., but I was able to escape. The world isn't the same everywhere you go. Sometimes, I wish I wasn't asexual so I could show you great guys just how special you are.


The thing is that there are even non-Bible Belters who think I am scum. I've had harsh minded left wing thinkers attack me because they think just because I am a white male that I love Donald Trump, worship God, listen to country music, regularly screw young girls, and have friends who not only give me high fives but also offer me their daughters' hands in marriage.



Aaron Rhodes
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01 Dec 2017, 7:41 pm

What xfilesgeek was getting at is that despite the prejudices of your peers you still live your life by your own standards and beliefs and no one else's. That's why you are better than them.



Sarahsmith
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01 Dec 2017, 8:14 pm

Why does it matter so much what other people think? If it is a problem with your area maybe you should move away...



Marknis
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01 Dec 2017, 11:04 pm

Sarahsmith wrote:
Why does it matter so much what other people think? If it is a problem with your area maybe you should move away...


They won't leave me alone. They want to keep beating me up until I start loving the pain.



kokopelli
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02 Dec 2017, 12:36 am

Marknis wrote:
Sarahsmith wrote:
Why does it matter so much what other people think? If it is a problem with your area maybe you should move away...


They won't leave me alone. They want to keep beating me up until I start loving the pain.


They beat you up? That sounds like a police matter.



Marknis
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02 Dec 2017, 12:38 am

kokopelli wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Sarahsmith wrote:
Why does it matter so much what other people think? If it is a problem with your area maybe you should move away...


They won't leave me alone. They want to keep beating me up until I start loving the pain.


They beat you up? That sounds like a police matter.


It's more in terms of verbal hazing and being busybodies.



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02 Dec 2017, 1:38 am

Sarahsmith wrote:
Why does it matter so much what other people think? If it is a problem with your area maybe you should move away...

Indeed. You hardly need to die - you just need to move towns! Bit less dramatic. :wink: Is there a way you can start planning to move on out of there, maybe somewhere a bit more progressive? Got any ideas? Not everywhere is like that. You can definitely find a place where people won't mind that you're not Christian or that you don't drink/smoke. In my circles it's actually unusual to be Christian or drink/smoke.


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kokopelli
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02 Dec 2017, 2:02 am

Marknis wrote:
kokopelli wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Sarahsmith wrote:
Why does it matter so much what other people think? If it is a problem with your area maybe you should move away...


They won't leave me alone. They want to keep beating me up until I start loving the pain.


They beat you up? That sounds like a police matter.


It's more in terms of verbal hazing and being busybodies.


Maybe what you need is to move to a big city. Everyone is then a stranger, but it can be nice to be somewhat anonymous.



Marknis
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02 Dec 2017, 2:10 am

C2V wrote:
Sarahsmith wrote:
Why does it matter so much what other people think? If it is a problem with your area maybe you should move away...

Indeed. You hardly need to die - you just need to move towns! Bit less dramatic. :wink: Is there a way you can start planning to move on out of there, maybe somewhere a bit more progressive? Got any ideas? Not everywhere is like that. You can definitely find a place where people won't mind that you're not Christian or that you don't drink/smoke. In my circles it's actually unusual to be Christian or drink/smoke.


Other than saving up, which I struggle with as well, I don't know. My future looks so bleak and hopeless.



elbowgrease
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02 Dec 2017, 2:21 am

The future IS bleak and hopeless. Ultimately.
So what do you want to do in the meantime? However long that may last.



Marknis
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02 Dec 2017, 3:28 am

elbowgrease wrote:
The future IS bleak and hopeless. Ultimately.
So what do you want to do in the meantime? However long that may last.


I don't have any special abilities. My body is just a waste of flesh.



Marknis
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02 Dec 2017, 5:13 pm

If I had known my 20's were going to be a decade of failure, I would've slashed my throat a long time ago.