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Kiki1256
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07 Dec 2017, 9:05 am

Ladies, what’s your opinion of guys paying on a date? I prefer to split it.



MariaTheFictionkin
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07 Dec 2017, 9:09 am

Hmmm...I don't know because I never had been in that scenario. I guess it really depends on the situation. Of course I'm not one for "Guys need to pay on the date". Splitting the bill is a nice idea though.


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Closet Genious
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07 Dec 2017, 9:11 am

We don't date in my country, but if we did, I don't see any reason not to split the bill.
The women in my country are vastly higher educated, and often earn more money than the men.



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07 Dec 2017, 9:49 am

I think the one who decides where to go should also be the one paying. I mean let's say that I asked some guy out and decided that we go to a fancy, expensive restaurant. I can't know for sure if the guy can afford it or not and even if he could, I can't know for sure if he is the type of person who'd be fine with paying, say, 40 euros for a meal. So naturally, I'd pay. Of course, if he had been the one to decide that we go there then he should pay... and if we decide together where to go, then I think both should pay their own, unless we were already in a relationship or simply knew each other well. Then the other one could pay that time and the other some other time. I don't see a reason why I should count every penny if I'm close with the person.



Closet Genious
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07 Dec 2017, 9:52 am

Fireblossom wrote:
I think the one who decides where to go should also be the one paying. I mean let's say that I asked some guy out and decided that we go to a fancy, expensive restaurant. I can't know for sure if the guy can afford it or not and even if he could, I can't know for sure if he is the type of person who'd be fine with paying, say, 40 euros for a meal. So naturally, I'd pay. Of course, if he had been the one to decide that we go there then he should pay... and if we decide together where to go, then I think both should pay their own, unless we were already in a relationship or simply knew each other well. Then the other one could pay that time and the other some other time. I don't see a reason why I should count every penny if I'm close with the person.


But the problem with that is that the guy is still expected to do that in 90% of cases. So effectively it ends up being exactly the same as saying the guy should always pay.



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07 Dec 2017, 10:18 am

Closet Genious wrote:
But the problem with that is that the guy is still expected to do that in 90% of cases. So effectively it ends up being exactly the same as saying the guy should always pay.


Really? Well, even if that's true most of the time, I would want to decide where to go and plan the dates around as often as the guy does... actually, forget the want -part, I would demand that I get to decide, too. It'd be no fun if I never got to decide where we go and what we do.



hale_bopp
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07 Dec 2017, 1:54 pm

I’m quite uncomfortable not paying my share. I also don’t like guys paying for me, or me having to pay for the guy.

I don’t think this is uncommon in this day and age.



The_Face_of_Boo
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07 Dec 2017, 2:33 pm

It’s totally not common in my country - men always are expected to pay.
And yes, all the girls I dated to date had jobs, I am not in Afghanistan.
And when I date East Asians, It’s usually the same but at least, unlike the local girls, are polite enough to invite me and pay for dessert or ice cream later.



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07 Dec 2017, 2:40 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
It’s totally not common in my country - men always are expected to pay.
And yes, all the girls I dated to date had jobs, I am not in Afghanistan.
And when I date East Asians, It’s usually the same but at least, unlike the local girls, are polite enough to invite me and pay for dessert or ice cream later.


The nicest girl I've dated was asian aswell.



The_Face_of_Boo
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07 Dec 2017, 3:06 pm

Closet Genious wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
It’s totally not common in my country - men always are expected to pay.
And yes, all the girls I dated to date had jobs, I am not in Afghanistan.
And when I date East Asians, It’s usually the same but at least, unlike the local girls, are polite enough to invite me and pay for dessert or ice cream later.


The nicest girl I've dated was asian aswell.


[Generalization]
I've probably dated more than 15 east asian girls, I lost count honestly.

In my experience, to me at least, many of the East Asian girls (at least 13 out of 15 + other encounters) are like extraterrestrial angelic beings from another world when it comes to politeness and niceness, no other culture can compete their cultures in politeness and kindness - hands down. I bet it causes a cultural shock for most non-asian guys who date east asians for the first time.
They have that extra niceness and consideration.....which honestly I find it missing in women of other cultures. They are often nice to you even if they are not interested or taken, in my experience, they never ghost you online for instance, as long you are nice to them of course.

Sure they have some things in common with women from other cultures too, but they are usually very honest in their gender role expectations, like expecting the man to pick them up or such. No two-faces in these matters.

White/Caucasian women often accuse them of being visa diggers or after money from foreigners - in my experience it was never the case; I had mostly FWB relationship in which there was no financial expectations from their part. One time I did a (not so nice) prank at my current gf, she was asking how was my day and I pretended that i lost my job lol - guess how she reacted? She wanted to support me and she started to plan on it (she wasn't like "you have to find a job tomorrow!"), of course until I confessed it was an evil prank at the end of the evening.

I've also seen a lot of White/Caucasian women accuse men liking east asian girls because for their "obedience" - again, it's just false all racist assumptions, none of them were obedient, all the east asian girls I dated were independent (despite their limited earning here) but they were just NICE. And I guess that's why the "yellow fever" exists, not because of their looks, and not of the so-called "obedience" (which isn't true) but because of their niceness.

[/Generalization]



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 07 Dec 2017, 3:14 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Kiprobalhato
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07 Dec 2017, 3:11 pm

i’ve always split it with my GF.


Closet Genious wrote:
We don't date in my country


?????????


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The_Face_of_Boo
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07 Dec 2017, 6:24 pm

Kiprobalhato wrote:
i’ve always split it with my GF.


Closet Genious wrote:
We don't date in my country


?????????



Maybe they just mate in the nudist clubs, he’s in Sweden after all.



goldfish21
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07 Dec 2017, 6:42 pm

Just to add my 2 cents in even though I'm not a heterosexual female - I'm a gay guy.

In my culture, we don't really date so much as we.. hookup. It's true. Although, dating is becoming more common as gay relationships become more socially acceptable.

Anyways, when I do go on a date, I almost always pay and prefer it. I don't mind paying the bill for coffee/dinner/drinks etc. Usually I'm the wealthier of the two of us, as I tend to go out with younger guys/students etc and pretty much the entire generation of younger people in this area are living extremely paycheque to paycheque with almost zero disposable income after paying for rent and trying to stay alive lol. So, at that, it's nice to be able to treat someone to an evening out.

Besides being older, I'm the more "masculine" one, and sort of automatically assume the gender role of being the provider. Then there's simply being raised by my parents' example to pay for things/be generous with friends/family/dates etc - my dad's the kind of guy that grabs the bill and pays for everyone's restaurant meals & I quite like that we've been raised that way.

But, if things automatically go towards a split-bill or we each pay cash as we order our coffee/drink/food whatever then I don't force the issue and insist on paying.

Also, just to finish this post with a gay spin on things, since most of the times I meet up with a "date" it's a hookup and not an actual date where we're spending any money on wining & dining, when I do meet up for an actual date, I don't mind spending $ since compared to my hetero friends I pay for very, very, few first (or any) date nights lol so to spend $20-80 or w/e isn't a big deal considering the very high % of "dates" I go on that cost me $zero. :P Plus I'm just someone who LIKES being nice and paying for things, sushi dinner, a few beers, whatever. Some of us are just wired to be generous with gifts and such.


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07 Dec 2017, 9:02 pm

I know some women like Avril Lavigne want the guy to pay despite being a very successful pop singer who really should have a lot of money unless she was extremely irresponsible with it. She says in her song, The Best Damned Thing :arrow:
I hate it when a guy doesn't get the tab
And I have to pull my money out, and that looks bad



I never really exactly been on a date but I usually pay for my girlfriend when we eat out but that's because I'm not supposed to pay for certain things with us living together like rent & utilities due to being classified as her caretaker/live-in-aid. I want to eat out more than she does & I have more money but I sometimes ask her to pay like if I've been paying to eat out a lot.


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08 Dec 2017, 3:23 am

Closet Genious wrote:
We don't date in my country.


Then I'm really confused as to what I've been doing for the last months...

As for paying, I tend to. I like being the big, strong providing man for once. That being said, first date should be something cheap, like café and a walk Downtown. The idea of a first date is evaluating the other person, and them having the baseline expectation that I pay for everything is a big disqualifier.

The girl I'm seeing doesn't have a whole lot of money, but was still ready to pay her way when we went to a semi-fancy restaurant for our second date. But since she's awesome and deserves to be spoiled a little, I dealt with the check while she was in the bathroom, then told her she could pay me back in kisses. Then I kissed her.


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08 Dec 2017, 6:14 am

My partner and I have always taken turns (or sometimes split it) Say if I pay for this one, he pays the next time. Fair and equal is good in a relationship.

I don't think it should be expected from women that the man is going to pay. Some women I have met seem to expect this and one woman I know expected that if I have a boyfriend, he should be washing my car and doing things like that... No! (She's single of course.)
Equal is equal. You shouldn't have to pay for a meal just because of your gender.

A few years ago a fella asked me to go to dinner with him.
I was in love with him. :oops:
We had been very close.
He repeatedly offered to pay while we were ordering, so I let him. He invited me back to his place and we had a bit of sexy fun... then he told me I should leave and then handed me the receipt from the dinner and said he expected my half! :|
I later found out he was on the spectrum as well. I didn't know I was at the time, but I'm sure he figured out I was before I did.

If you offer to pay out of kindness, yeah, it's nice to pay...


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