Gaslighted, most by others in my own ideological leaning

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How can I shake all my partisan thoughts and conceptions of conservative vs. republican vs. liberal vs. democrat in the world? (not necessarily excluded to the United States, which is where I live).

Even though I'm able to make up my own opinions to some extent, I have been feeling anger during the last couple days. Ever since I was 11 or 12 and started being curious about politics, I knew my parents were certainly traditionalists/mostly conservative-leaning. I read about the race in AL last night where the Republican Ron Moore got defeated, and some conservatives are cemented in the thought that "liberals are destroying America". In retrospect, I feel gaslighted by everyone, including and especially those in the "political fold" I was raised in, most of my immediate family members and more close-related extended family members). I question whether it is fair to say that conservatives are more driven by conspiracy ideas and derangement. My gaslighted feelings especially increased after Obama won his first election in 2008 and again in 2012. I'm still feeling the gaslight under Trump's era.

I just have so much questions I want to go on about. I know that I have deviated more into libertarian ideas but cautiously, but is the entire left truly worse as sin than the right claim? How can I even reason or figure this out, especially since both sides are almost equal in their "righteous" attitudes? And to me right now, it seems that the right are the more righteous ones. I feel driven insane. Why do I only believe that the left are generally the "true" racists.

Also, it's hard when you don't even know how or even question if it's actually legitimate to hold a controversial view that is different than your own parents, especially deeply held or completely opposing. Even now, when I read a comment from another younger person today denigrating their own parents as "homophobic, racist bigots", I need to "roll my eyes".

You seem like a bright guy; don't let people gaslight you in the future.

Just continue to seek an objective assessment of things.

Taking some of your own words...
You are wary of being partisan. Curious about politics. You have been open to ideas outside your usual beliefs, and have been prepared try to understand them, and even "deviated" a little to fit better with what you think is moral. It sounds like your sense of right and wrong is stronger than your desire to hold on to dogmatic beliefs that no longer meet your standards.

I wish more people of all political colours could take those steps, whether I agree with their definition of morality or not.

All very good, keep doing!

My problem is that I can't escape my insanity despite how I truly feel that I need my be my own objective self. Going back about my family again, I do hear things (especially my father, who is a bit louder about opinions), most recently using words together in the same opinion like "marxist", "pope", "jesuit", "satanic", "one-world government", etc.

Yeah, I guess it's crazy for me to go around talking about my father like this, but I don't think it's wrong here. I would like to just think he's spouting BS, but what if what he's talking about with that does have some water on it, at least? Like in another thing going on, men are complaining about feminism and sexual harassment ideas. I still want to ask, if there is nothing wrong and we accept that men are just being "deranged", than how come it seem to be so worrying with the constant outings charged suddenly? And how come some women are arrogantly saying that men are "delusional" or "privileged" for speaking out against something? I mean, I don't think anyone would argue against a claim in that way if there was actually something hidden or conspiracy going on.

I may be intelligent, but this is just making me feel insane.

I think the trouble you're expressing here might be as follows:

The people around you are really in a way gas-lighting themselves and passing it right along to you because they believe it. The more challenging struggle beneath all of this is admitting to oneself that most people are insane on some level. A lot of us on the autistic spectrum generally have to fight uphill harder in a lot of areas which often puts us in a place where we need truth for survival - ie. BS can float other people, it'll get us destroyed, and we know the difference and accordingly act in our own best interest.

I'm sure there's plenty to do with IQ on this, ie. a lot of what we might think of as rather rigid non-analytical or dogmatic political stances sometimes may very well be all the person has the horsepower to bring to the table. That's another factor, that the IQ at the top of the lower 15th percentile is 2/3 of the IQ of the beginning of the top 15th percentile - that's a pretty profound difference in how people function and how they have to allocate their mental resources. Similarly you'll find that people with mid to lower IQ's in many cases seem to also have a fair amount more mental energy than people with higher IQ (less intensity goes in I suppose) and they can often handle mind-numbing tasks that need very tight focus with a lot of changing pieces than I think many people with high IQ could survive. Lastly there's a certain benefit to being around 100 IQ, at least without any additional factors, where you'd be hard pressed to say anything that people wouldn't be able to understand. In a lot of ways if conformity is effortless and you're rewarded for it there won't be quite as much reason to challenge your accrued beliefs - ie. easy conformity, while not creating a perfect life necessarily, seems to grant a certain amount of leniency that you just don't get if you're either much higher or much lower in IQ.

As for my family yes - very much tea party, lovely people though and I get along with my parents as well as ever. I think the only points we hit culdesacs are when I point out that if a particular group of people seem to be behaving badly for no reason it's because we're missing an underlying cause, I might go into that and they'll trail off on some particular train of thought that's more in keeping with their politics and if it goes that way I tend to just let it go.

Over all I might say the most important thing you can do for yourself is be more people-oriented and human decency oriented than politically oriented. Life's really f'ing difficult no matter how you slice it and so long as you aren't dealing with a person who either wants to chain women to stoves and minorities in barns on one hand or people who want to start the Summer of 2017 and overthrow capitalism Lenin-style or people who are intersectionalism junkies. Between those extremes are the majority of people who you'll have much to do with and I'm finding that the people who seem to run the political dialogs on both sides are such hucksters and carny barkers quite often that it's really not worth getting riled to root for one side or the other. Perhaps that's just in keeping with my centrist tendencies and my enjoyment in listening to people from either side who can talk to absolutely anyone and have principled and logical discussion? Not sure if that's everyone's cup of tea but I find it working well for me these days.