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Hyeokgeose
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17 Dec 2017, 3:15 am

I have a few questions.
I just want to put this out there: personally, I don't very much like how people look, though I still feel a degree of attraction to the opposite sex if that person has a personality that I like (and only once have I felt a smidgen of attraction). Frankly, visible private parts from anyone revolts me.

1. How much do women care for looks when hooking up with someone? Or people in general?

2. How serious are women when it comes to courting? Are almost all women, or even just people in general, in it for "fun"/not being serious/dating (in the sense with no intent of considering marriage)?

3. How does one get started in courting as an Aspie? Are there any online resources in regards to getting started or how it should all happen?

4. What kind of expectations do people usually have when courting? Are there any online resources about this?

5. Is it recommended to try to find someone online, and perhaps mention that I'm an Aspie in my bio?

6. Is it worth finding someone? I'm questioning whether or not I should actually seek anyone out, or if I should let it happen on its own, and if I never find someone, then just kind of shrug it off (I don't know if I would regret this down the road). On one hand, I'm not very self sufficient (very indecisive about meals, bad at making appointments, etc.) and always have questions about every day people and frequently need guidance. On another, I don't mind being alone, though I always enjoy the company of family and I'm very close to my mom and sister.

6a. What kind of health benefits would there be? This question probably sounds bizarre, but I heard it could be unhealthy to not have a partner.

7. What is the ideal age to begin courting? I'd imagine, for someone my age in college, it would be some time after college.

Any additional advice is greatly appreciated.


_________________
"It’s not until they tell you you’re going to die soon that you realize how short life is. Time is the most valuable thing in life because it never comes back. And whether you spend it in the arms of a loved one or alone in a prison-cell, life is what you make of it. Dream big."
-Stefán Karl Stefánsson
10 July, 1975 - 21 August, 2018.


Fireblossom
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17 Dec 2017, 4:46 am

Well, despite what some here might say, it debends on the person how much they care about looks, no matter if it's a man or a woman. Some women care a lot about looks, some a little less, some very little and some not at all. And I can say it as a fact since I know at least one woman for every category above. Those who don't care at all are probably a minority, but they do exist.

And courting... I'm not entirely sure if I understand the word correctly. Does it mean looking for a serious relationship that aims for marriage or some other big decision from the beginning instead of just having fun without plans?

If I've understood the word correctly, then I think it highly debends on the person you ask and also what kind of upbringing they had. I'm pretty sure that in my culture, most would just want to have fun without serious commintment and start taking things seriously with another person when they feel like that person is "the one" without actively looking for a partner that is "marriage material." But I might be wrong.

Don't really know what to say to the others questions.



Queentutt
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17 Dec 2017, 6:04 am

It is not politically correct to admit that women are interested in how people look.(Maybe the only ones who actually don't care are Aspies.) In my opinion, women find looks very important. A man who is well groomed, well dressed (neat, clean clothes) and physically fit (but not too muscular) will usually be considered as attractive by most women. In the post Bill-Gates era, wearing eye-glasses is okay, but the overall look should still be appealing. It all boils down to dear old Darwin - a male with the trappings of success and fitness wins the ladies.
Your questions 6 and 6a express a certain reluctance to get involved with the opposite sex. It is not obligatory to get involved. In fact, it requires a lot of hard work and it can be very painful. NT females expect a lot of things which an Aspie might find difficult to give spontaneously. (I am talking about empathy, reciprocity and emotional support here.) So you will want to look for / find an intelligent, understanding person who is willing to give up a lot of expectations and will learn how to communicate with you.
Yes, there are health benefits to being in a long-term relationships. Emotional well-being has a definite effect on your physical health. (Apparently even an unhappy relationship is better than being single)(That is weird) It will mean a lot of hard work and commitment from both parties.



Hyeokgeose
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17 Dec 2017, 8:44 pm

Thanks for the answers!
Overall, I'm well kept, groomed, clean, and I usually dress semi-formal on a regular basis.

Maybe one day I'll find someone that is an understanding nerd, haha.


_________________
"It’s not until they tell you you’re going to die soon that you realize how short life is. Time is the most valuable thing in life because it never comes back. And whether you spend it in the arms of a loved one or alone in a prison-cell, life is what you make of it. Dream big."
-Stefán Karl Stefánsson
10 July, 1975 - 21 August, 2018.


hale_bopp
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18 Dec 2017, 3:46 am

Hyeokgeose wrote:
I have a few questions.
I just want to put this out there: personally, I don't very much like how people look, though I still feel a degree of attraction to the opposite sex if that person has a personality that I like (and only once have I felt a smidgen of attraction). Frankly, visible private parts from anyone revolts me.

1. How much do women care for looks when hooking up with someone? Or people in general?

2. How serious are women when it comes to courting? Are almost all women, or even just people in general, in it for "fun"/not being serious/dating (in the sense with no intent of considering marriage)?

3. How does one get started in courting as an Aspie? Are there any online resources in regards to getting started or how it should all happen?

4. What kind of expectations do people usually have when courting? Are there any online resources about this?

5. Is it recommended to try to find someone online, and perhaps mention that I'm an Aspie in my bio?

6. Is it worth finding someone? I'm questioning whether or not I should actually seek anyone out, or if I should let it happen on its own, and if I never find someone, then just kind of shrug it off (I don't know if I would regret this down the road). On one hand, I'm not very self sufficient (very indecisive about meals, bad at making appointments, etc.) and always have questions about every day people and frequently need guidance. On another, I don't mind being alone, though I always enjoy the company of family and I'm very close to my mom and sister.

6a. What kind of health benefits would there be? This question probably sounds bizarre, but I heard it could be unhealthy to not have a partner.

7. What is the ideal age to begin courting? I'd imagine, for someone my age in college, it would be some time after college.

Any additional advice is greatly appreciated.


I can only answer for myself.

1. I don’t hook up with people, but the guys I crush on are usually average looking. I care for looks, but looks that do it for me.

2. Not serious at all. Went on tinder out of curiosity and boredom, didn’t care about meeting anyone.

3. I guess like other people do. Put yourself out there. Meet people through work and friends and uni.

4. Don’t be desperate usually, be socially normal in talking to them. Don’t know.

5. I wouldn’t recommend meeting people online. Most of the people I have anything to do with are people I met in real life circumstances, usually through work. Other people might like it, doesn’t work for me.

6. For me, none.

7. No, just do what you feel like. Generally if you’re over 18 then start when you like.



magz
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18 Dec 2017, 5:22 am

Just like hale_bopp, I can answer only for myself:

Hyeokgeose wrote:
1. How much do women care for looks when hooking up with someone? Or people in general?
I do have some preferences about facial features but they are not a deal-breaker. Don't care for traditional means of attractiveness, e.g. most of the men I dated were definitely short.

Hyeokgeose wrote:
2. How serious are women when it comes to courting? Are almost all women, or even just people in general, in it for "fun"/not being serious/dating (in the sense with no intent of considering marriage)?
Serious as hell. I never gave a man any chance if I didn't see myself growing old with him.

Hyeokgeose wrote:
3. How does one get started in courting as an Aspie? Are there any online resources in regards to getting started or how it should all happen?
Shared interests. Getting to know each other well before starting anything further.

Hyeokgeose wrote:
4. What kind of expectations do people usually have when courting? Are there any online resources about this?
I expected men to be passionate about something. But I'm not "people usually".


Hyeokgeose wrote:
5. Is it recommended to try to find someone online, and perhaps mention that I'm an Aspie in my bio?
If you meet online over your shared interests, then yes. If you mean dating sites, probably no.

Hyeokgeose wrote:
6. Is it worth finding someone? I'm questioning whether or not I should actually seek anyone out, or if I should let it happen on its own, and if I never find someone, then just kind of shrug it off (I don't know if I would regret this down the road). On one hand, I'm not very self sufficient (very indecisive about meals, bad at making appointments, etc.) and always have questions about every day people and frequently need guidance. On another, I don't mind being alone, though I always enjoy the company of family and I'm very close to my mom and sister.
I would recommend the latter. And if you are happy the way you are, then you are more likely to find someone valuable.

Hyeokgeose wrote:
6a. What kind of health benefits would there be? This question probably sounds bizarre, but I heard it could be unhealthy to not have a partner.
Is it? Probably for social people it is. But I wouldn't apply the rules of social people to Aspies.

Hyeokgeose wrote:
7. What is the ideal age to begin courting? I'd imagine, for someone my age in college, it would be some time after college.
Whenever you think "Wow, I met someone compatibile with me! Let's stay together!" ;) Me and spouse started relationship when we were studying, I know some marriages that started in high school and other people who met their other halves in their thirties, fourties or even fifties. If you are both over the age of consent, it is OK.


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