Father autistic, nice to others but not to us

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Missworry
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26 Dec 2017, 5:03 pm

Hi

I was wondering if it’s possible that someone has autism and be nice to others and not to his children.

I have aspergers and I think my father has it too. But he is undiagnosed. He has a lot of traits but he can look us in the eye. But that’s all. He shows no affection to us, not even noticing us etc. But to other people outside the family (children and wife) he is very nice. My siblings say that he can’t have autism because he can be social and nice to others.

What do you all think? If I may ask?



ASPartOfMe
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26 Dec 2017, 7:33 pm

It is possible with this scenario, by middle age he has learned social skills even though it is exhausting to practice them, to keep the facade up. In his own home he lets his guard down.


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26 Dec 2017, 7:40 pm

Well I have to say he sounds rather like my Father who isn't autistic, he's just an A####hole with a capital A. I got my autism from my Mum.


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xatrix26
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27 Dec 2017, 6:11 am

This was an exact scenario for me as well. I have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and as I look back on it now I realize that my father was also an undiagnosed Aspie too. He was extremely cold, angry, mean-spirited and very quick to anger with us in the house all the time but whenever strangers came over he was Mr. Charming.

It was actually pretty revolting. I used to spend my days daydreaming that I was a stranger and came over to see my father because it would be the only time he'd be nice to me. But in my reality there was a great deal of fear, anger and hatred as well as physical and emotional abuse in our household. Essentially the worst environment imaginable for an Autistic child.


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Missworry
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27 Dec 2017, 6:18 am

xatrix26 wrote:
This was an exact scenario for me as well. I have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and as I look back on it now I realize that my father was also an Aspie too. He was extremely cold, angry, mean-spirited and very quick to anger with us in the house all the time but whenever strangers came over he was Mr. Charming.

It was actually pretty revolting. I used to spend my days daydreaming that I was a stranger and came over to see my father because it would be the only time he'd be nice to me. But in my reality there was a great deal of fear, anger and hatred as well as physical and emotional abuse in our household. Essentially the worst environment imaginable for an Autistic child.


Thank you for your answer! Are you recently diagnosed ? And you suspect your father to be on the spectrum (just like me) but you don’t suspect your mom? I see many similarities between me and my father but the thing that threw me of was his “niceness “ to others. He greets them etc. But he doesn’t always greet us and if you are sick, he won’t really ask. He doesn’t say he cares. But in extreme crisis situations you do see some emotions but he doesn’t know how to show it . He tries sometimes but it comes of very negative and counterproductive. But you do see he tries. He also sees things his way and hides things from us (aka just doesn’t tell) and is extremely naive with others.

I don’t know. I just got confused cause I know that Asperger is genetic and if my father doesn’t have it (like my siblings think) and my mom also doesn’t, then why am I diagnosed ? Isn’t it always genetic? I don’t know. :/



MagicKnight
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27 Dec 2017, 7:57 am

Missworry wrote:
I was wondering if it’s possible that someone has autism and be nice to others and not to his children.


Missworry wrote:
I was wondering if it’s possible that someone has autism and be nice to others and not to his children.


Hi.

I think there's nothing that relates autism with disrespect towards family. Maybe you're trying to find a logical explanation to the fact that everybody loves your father except the ones who know him quite well. Turns out, that's how most of jerks are, they don't show as a bad person to everyone 24/7.

My father is undiagnosed but I suspect he's Asperger's too. He's exactly like that. People who know him on the surface regard him as a very nice person. Nevertheless, he's always been somewhat mean to his wife and children. I don't think that's autism related, though. That is so because he's a jerk, simple as that.



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28 Dec 2017, 2:05 pm

Missworry wrote:
Hi

I was wondering if it’s possible that someone has autism and be nice to others and not to his children.

I have aspergers and I think my father has it too. But he is undiagnosed. He has a lot of traits but he can look us in the eye. But that’s all. He shows no affection to us, not even noticing us etc. But to other people outside the family (children and wife) he is very nice. My siblings say that he can’t have autism because he can be social and nice to others.

What do you all think? If I may ask?



Most psychologists will say if he can do that to others, he is in control of his behavior and is choosing to act that way towards you guys.

It's possible he puts on an act towards everyone but at home he is himself and himself to anyone who is real close to him.


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