Dating somebody long distance with aspergers???

Page 1 of 1 [ 6 posts ] 

girlpearl
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 26 Dec 2017
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 12

26 Dec 2017, 7:38 pm

Hello I am a girl with undiagnosed aspergers but I am going to go through a diagnostisation for aspergers very soon.
I have known a boy with diagnosed aspergers for quite a long time now but we live far away from each other and we are going to finally meet each other in January, he is bringing his mother along who will drive him all the way but keep out of sight for us when we meet. We are in our early 20s. Apart from his issue travelling and a lot of other social things he is a very normal and good looking, active guy and I have never spoken to someone who understands me as well as him but I now worry about the possibility of love and how his diagnose (I say his because I don't have one yet) would be a problem. Of course a relationship from a distance is always a task and not simple but in "usual" cases neither parties have any issue travelling alone and it's pretty tough if you can only travel to the other person when a friend or family member is able to tag along. I also have a huge issue with this and travelling/leaving home in general ever since I was little and just leaving the house to go to school would make me physically sick and I couldn't even eat in public but it's much better now and I only get physically sick/panic attacks before long trips unless I am in a period where its worse.
I feel very concerned because of this particular thing and wondering if there is any hope... if anyone has ever been in this situation and it worked out fine?

Edit:We both CAN travel alone but the distance between us is soo far it's like 12 hours and that is a lot more than any of us are used to travelling both with family, friends or alone.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

26 Dec 2017, 8:58 pm

I've never been in this sort of situation.

But I am sure there is hope. It sounds like you two really understand each other. That's an excellent basis for a successful relationship.



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,125
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA

27 Dec 2017, 5:34 am

Me & my 1st girlfriend are both on the spectrum & cant drive. I cant drive because my vision is too bad & she cant drive because of anxiety; there's other reasons why we both cant but those are the biggest. I lived in Louisiana my whole life before I moved in with her & she lived in Vermont her whole life. Neither of us has ever really traveled alone before we got together & neither of us has traveled anywhere close to that far of a distance before either. She took a Greyhound bus down with her sister who wanted to tour New Orleans. I lived about an hour away from there so Cass stayed with me & my parents while her sister stayed at a hotel in NO. I traveled back up to Vermont with them & I traveled back by myself. I took a couple other trips up there in a 6 month period before we moved in together. I travel by bus 2wice a year to visit my family & Cass goes with me for one of the trips & the other trip I take by myself. We go by bus because it's cheaper than flying & we're both kind of afraid to fly.
Try not to worry too much about the traveling & distance rite now girlpearl. Focus on getting through the meetup & enjoying yourselves & getting to know each other in person & all. If you both like each other & decide you want to continue the relationship & meetup again, just focus on planning the next meetup & finding a way that will work for both of you & take it things from there. I wish you the best of luck with the meetup & all :D


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


MagicKnight
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

Joined: 14 Mar 2016
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 460

27 Dec 2017, 8:28 am

girlpearl wrote:
I have known a boy with diagnosed aspergers for quite a long time now but we live far away from each other and we are going to finally meet each other in January


I am glad to know that this still happens! Congratulations.

I think all the answers you are looking for are in the question itself: there are no guarantees. It's a 12h gap between you both. Luckily these days we have Skype and everything, but you know how this relationship will play. To make matters worse, you seem to have a condition that prevents you from travelling. It's a very complicated issue really. I don't think anybody will have prompt answers to what will happen.

If you like each other, you both will have to give up a little to win a little. Both. Now, I can assure you that if you keep focusing on "I have a condition" side of things, this will never move forward, really. You'll have to approach this with huge maturity to make it worl.

I've had some relationships that started off the internet. The one which lasted the longest went for 5 years. She was my best girlfriend ever. Prior to meeting in person for the first time we talked for about ten months through online chat as just friends. We never saw that coming.

Everything is possible.



girlpearl
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 26 Dec 2017
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 12

27 Dec 2017, 7:12 pm

Thanks for the replies they're really good. :heart:



hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

27 Dec 2017, 7:16 pm

Hope it works out for you both. If you hit it off, it's no reason the other obstacles like distance can't be worked through.