I used tp bang my head against the wall, sometimes against my pillow. it would make everything right. I would feel okay. A few days ago I felt like that so I did V ups and knee \ins wildly (they are gymnastics ab exercises) and it really really helped. It made me feel free. Throwing back handsprings and front handsprings does too.
At the gym I would sense all the people not wanting to be there, all of them wanting to be cool, so I felt their apathy towards exercise. SO now I do weightlifting at home and at the gymnastics training center.
I can see myself maybe being a coach someday, idk. Gymnastics and figure skating and pretty much all artistic sports, are my "special interests"....obsession, passion, intrical part of the fabric of my being. Just finished a small gymnasticsw workout. Ate badly today so I'm going to do V ups.
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Change: sometimes it's painful, sometimes it's beautiful, but most of the times its both.
"Someday you might see who I really am, and it will change the way you feel about me." "Nothing could ever do that."
Made different to make a difference
whether as victor or vanquished, isn't it better than sullen resignation?