Meltdowns in SO's parents house

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My partner and I have been having communication issues for awhile (still trying to ethically balance his needs and my needs as someone with a disability) and while I try to stay calm and have a discussion I eventually get frustrated enough to have a meltdown (sometimes three) and it's so humiliating to know that his parents hear me repeating myself and getting hysterical and crying.

We live on the bottom half of thier 2,000sqft home so we have some separation thankfully. But dear God I hate having a partner that pushes me to have meltdowns that make me look crazy. I'm not crazy, I'm just autistic and their son is one of the most equally stubborn and ridgid people I've ever had the privilege to know. Something similar happened when we had a bunch of roommates and now I'm paranoid it's going to happen again when we move out in February and in with a close friend.

I'm tired of letting someone frustrate me and enrage me enough to be an easy scapegoat. To some degree they know know how rebellious and stubborn their son is but at the end of the day who is going to think highly of me?

I need these people to like me as I want to make them part of my family and in someways they already are so it's devastating to think about what will happen when I run into them the next day. I'll likely hunker down and avoid going up to use the kitchen because I feel so much humiliation. Thanks for listening to my rant, I'm pretty sad tonight.

It doesn’t sound like it’s a very happy relationship.

Also living in such close proximity to the in laws can’t be that healthy.

Yeah, this sounds like a very bad relationship to be in. I've been in a similar one before - my ex knew I had triggers and would eventually melt down, and he would literally taunt me when I started showing signs of distress (he was 30 at the time, too.. I was 23). I think he liked pushing me all the way because it made him feel less guilty about his verbal abuse if he could say, "well she flew into a spin and started sobbing uncontrollably, so who's the unstable one now? My behaviour was justified and she played an equal part" etc. But anyone who observed our arguments could tell he was the one who was pushing them

You have it hard enough with autism being in relationships without having someone who is so selfish and unsupportive that they will push your buttons. You can't really stop yourself once you get to the point of meltdown. They CAN stop themselves before it gets to that point, but they choose not to... That's an awful realisation when you consider what it says about the way this person thinks and feels about you

It's unlikely that this will get better in my honest opinion. It shows a serious lack of respect on your partner's behalf