Women asking guys out?

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Even though he was stronger than you, you weren't total wimp either since you were willing to take the risks that you did. Which brings me to the point that, while women don't necessarely look for tough guys, they do avoid wimps. Even though these two types of selection criteria aren't the same, they are both shallow. I think wimps deserve love just as much as anyone else, perhaps even more so. Thinking otherwise is ableist, right there with other types of ableism, including discrimination against Asperger.

Most women (except those Doms who into Subs...yet even those are very rare in bdsm groups) do a lot of such selection criteria that themselves aren't aware of (or pretend so) and don't like to admit it. What irritate me is the denial (even though it's very obvious), not the selection criteria.

In other term, confident guys...tough.

I think I totally understand what XFilesGeek means to say.

I think what XFilesGeek is talking about is more about the real toughness like 24/7 confident, never showing weakness or never complaining, never showing ANY insecurity etc.... XFG is surely not talking about the show-off toughness that little boys do like boxing each other; in real life no adult man does that.

Well, without the physical part, I think I would agree.

I am quite tough myself, likely because I hated being called emotional and hysterical as a child. I worked on it for years. Then when my 3yo got lost in a park and I found her over an hour later, when it was all dark... then I came home and told it to my husband. And I added 'you know, I'm feeling like crying right now but there are no tears, I'm so used to be tough that I can't cry when I want to, do you understand?' 'Perfectly', he replied, 'I'm a guy.'

But with this toughness I developed despite my gender, I have no problem with being taken seriously. I hear about it from ladies here but I never expirienced it in my adult life. Or maybe it's the local culture where women are very often in charge of organizing things, seen as perfectly capable of it.

Wasn't Poland Communist before? Maybe that's why.

Yeah, thats what it boils down to. Every example that "men don't have to be tough" that others provide only seem to show that men don't have to be "physically" tough, but they are still expected to be tough in other ways. Well I know perfectly well I am not being judged on my physical strength (even though I am not physically tough either); my problem is that I am being judged on how I am emotionally, and I think it is just as shallow.

Yes, there are SOME emotional things that are important -- being sensitive, caring, etc. -- but toughness is not one of them. But it seems like nobody would even consider that I have those OTHER emotional qualities all because I failed to prove that I am a human being on the first place, due to not being tough. Take good social skills for example. Women would classify it as emotional sensitivity so they would be like "hey we aren't rejecting you for not being tough, we are rejecting you for not being sensitive". But I think I am actually quite sensitive (as evident from the way I would take flower off the road so that the car won't drive across it), but I lack the necessary social skills for anyone to ever take me seriously, and lacking certain skills is precisely what not being tough is.



Well I think today's society actually prefers both genders to be tough (given the modification of the definition I just discussed) they just put higher pressure on men than on women. So I guess we have "half" of traditional gender roles -- the half that puts pressure on men -- and then combine it with the idea that being an infantile (whether infantile man or infantile woman) is a bad thing. Or at least thats how it feels to me.

I am origninally from Russia, and I was 11 when soviet union fell apart, I then moved to America when I was 14, and was exposed to liberal propaganda in American high schools. So I have both sides to compare, and I can say that the idea that American liberalism has anything in common with communism is a huge misconception. In the Soviet Union gender roles were a given: for example, it was common place to congratulate all males on Feburary 23, which is the day to celebrate the victory of World War 2; now, my dad was born in 1942, so there is no way my dad could have possibly participated in the war, yet my mom told me to congratulate my dad -- that sounds sexist by American standards doesn't it. Or another example would be if a boy cries they would tell him "why are you crying? You are supposed to be a man!" So I think they thought that teaching men to be tough is actually hand in hand with making them better communists. If there is any connection between communism and american liberalism, it would only be due to american liberals twisting communist ideas in some major ways.

Yeah, with all the downsides of Communist regime, gender equality is better in post-communist states.
I like the map showing female workforce in Germany:

as an example of it.

МальчикБродяга, where do you live? It may make some difference.

Up until I was 14, I lived in Moscow, Russia. When I was 12 my mom found a job in America (more precisely, her job was in Palo Alto, and she was living in Berkeley -- both in California, in bay area San Francisco) and I joined her with my dad when I was 14. So I did high school and also I did my undergraduate university in Berkeley. Then, when I was 21 I moved to Minneapolis, Minnesota to do my Master's. After living in Minnesota for 3 years I moved to Ann Arbor, Michigan, at 24, to do my Ph.D. Then I spent 5 years in Michigan and after completing my Ph.D., at 29, I moved to India to do postdocs. I spent 5 years in India (two years in Bangalore, one year in Chennai and two years in Chandigarh) doing three postdocs, and then at the age of 34 I returned back to America, and I was in Missisippi for two years (first year I did visiting position and during the second year I started doing my second ph.d. -- first ph.d. that I completted in Michigan was in Physics and second ph.d. that I started in Mississippi was in math). Then after spending 2 years in Mississippi I decided to transfer to New Mexico to finish my math ph.D. over there, so right now I am in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

Last edited by MalchikBrodyaga on 24 Apr 2018, 7:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

And what do you think about cultural differences between the countries you lived in? (If you tend to notice them)

In Russia they just have higher standards in general, whether that be higher standards in education, or in sport, or in morality. So, for example, despite the fact that soviet union was atheist country, they didn't approve of homosexuality since they wanted high moral standards in order to make people into better communists. And the same goes for other issues as well -- in fact one of the things that communists accused the west of are things like music and other types of entertainment industry that made them less moral. Yet, soviets didn't believe in God. Thats why its really hard to put them in the American political spectrum. Also, what I tend to see in America is that more liberal states (such as California) have higher educational standards than conservative states (such as Mississippi). Well Russian educational standards are, by far, higher than ANY American state you will find, yet Russia is more conservative than America morally. Thats why I said that Russia just takes the best of both worlds so to speak which makes it hard to put it on American spectrum.

As far as different parts of US are concerned, they say in the north that Mississippi people are "supposed" to be racist, but I really didn't see it: the only "supposed" racism I really saw was that they were waving confederate flags, but contrary to allegations its not coupled with racism since I saw plenty of people waving confederate flags who were good friends with blacks. Its true however that "if" someone happens to be racist they would be better tolerated in mississippi than in california, but I think that just makes californians more judgemental not mississipians.

On the other hand, what I like about california better is that the girls over there are more likely to start conversation with me. I haven't thought about it until I complained to the counselor in Mississipp that girls won't approach me and he said that in Mississippi males are supposed to approach women, and I told him that I had that same problem in Minnesota and Michigan and then he said that maybe California is where women would approach and I was like oh yeah, when I was in California women did talk to me.

As far as India, it seems like a mismash of different things depending on people's education level. Less educated people typically don't understand English well, if at all, and they are just constantly trying to get your money if you are White. More educated Indians speak English even to each other and are more westernized. One of the more annoying things about Indians (other than the money thing of course) is that they are very prying. Like one day I was typing email to someone in the computer room at my institute and some Indian guy was sitting at the computer next to me and was openly staring at what I was typing. Also that prying thing seems to have made it to the way their airports work: they would ask me to show my itinerary before letting me into the airport and I never understood the point of it: if I don't have a ticket, I won't be able to fly anyway, so who cares if I just waste my time by hanging around the airport? As far as Indian girls go, I never wanted to date them because I only date White girls, but at some point I wanted to be friends with them and I noticed that they just won't approach me. But that is due to the fact that I made myself a reputation of being antisocial due to the way I responded to the prying behavior I just described so they basically made 180 turn from being super-prying to avoiding me altogether because they didn't understand I didn't like them being prying they thought I didn't like them talking to me. In any case, when I first came to the institute a few girls DID approach me, but it changed once they decided I am antisocial (incidentally it was the guys that were prying, not girls; I didn't find the girls intimidating at all).

That was quite insightful!
Am I allowed to store this knowledge in my brain to improve my worldview?

Yeah.

So do you still live in Poland?

Yes. I've travelled a bit and talked to people from different places but never actually lived aboard.

Значит я могу говорить с тобой по русски?

я все понимаю только пишем тяжело