Daydreaming

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Hello. Don't exactly know how to start this but... My name is Diane and I'm new to this community. I've just recently toyed with the idea that I might have AS. I've always known in a way, but my fiancee has begun to reinforce the idea lately. I'm not really taking it well. Usually when i'm acting asocial or make strange comments I'm like, "Yeah, sorry. I'm autistic.." and it would be a joke and we would all laugh. Now after I say that, people start laughing, my fiancee adds, "No, she really is. She has Asperger's" and then start describing all the little quirks to my personality. People stop laughing then. What makes it even worse is that he's a doctor. People take him seriously when he says that crap. I mean, I know I am, I just don't want everyone to know about it. I just want people to think I'm weird. That's it! Is that bad?? I feel like he's too explanitory for me.

Oh and daydreaming. How often do you? It's getting in the way of my normal activites. How do you deal? It's been a problem since I turned 10 yrs. old.

Thanks.

Welcome to WP, Diane
I think if it bothers you that much then you should probably talk to your fiance and explain to him why you don't want people knowing about it all the time. Although there's nothing wrong with it, so you shouldn't feel bad about people knowing. But I understand why you don't though.

I daydream a lot. It is a major problem for me and stopped me concentratign a lot in school. The only time I don't daydream really is when I'm doing something really interesting, ie. in a lecture at university. But even then I sometimes start daydreaming about Stalingrad or something.I really don't know how to deal with it though. I find ways of doing things that are important, in a way that prevents me daydreaming too much. So I've found ways of doing thigns which makes it easier to concentrate; I find that I don't daydream so much when I'm writing. So I find it easier to concentrate in university now than school, because lectures involve note-taking more so that lessons in school.

Sorry I haven't got very good advice. I think it depends on what kind of activities you are having problems with doing because of it.

Nothingmore, what your fiancee is doing sounds appauling. Have you told him to stop it? Yes you should not have to feel awkward about AS, but its not right for another person to dissect your personality, live, without your permission or specification of boundaries. Have you talked at all about this with him?

And yeah daydreaming, was doing that typing this, just enjoy them

Hi Diane

Daydreaming is great but it can get in the way of more important things.

I daydream all the time. I will suddenly think of something like what makes me itch? Then I go though all the logical reasons for what could cause an itch and analyse each conclusion. If I am near a computer I can spend hours trying to learn all about itching... or anything else I am thinking about.

If I'm not near my PC then I often just lose myself in my thoughts and most times end up thinking about something completely different to what I started with.

Daydreaming can also be a help in that when you need to think about something you can lose yourself in the thought process and achieve more than any NT can.

Its about perspective I guess and also about control. Look into concentration exercises like the candle technique PM me if you want to know more).

As for not liking people knowing you have AS thats a personal issue but at the end of the day... don't be ashamed of WHO you are. Your mind actually works better than NT's! Don't forget that.

Welcome, Diane!

I also would be appalled if my husband went around telling people that I have Asperger's/Autism. It's not so much that I'm not proud of who I am, but more about people having preconceived notions about what it means. They may have read a list of symptoms and think they understand me, and tell everyone else who they think I am. I refuse to be defined by a list of symptoms. Take the symptom of us not having empathy, for an example. I don't care what any doctor says, I feel empathy, just not in the way they recognize it. It's that way with a lot of the symptoms. I haven't even told my husband that I'm fairly certain I have it. He knows I come on this forum, but he thinks it's for a different reason, related to a family member.

Daydreaming has always been a big part of my life. I remember being in school and daydreaming the day away. While the rest of the class listened to the teacher drone on and on about a subject, I was in another world. I always seemed to tune in around the time she was giving her summary of everything she had been discussing. Luckily, with my Aspie intelligence, that was usually enough for me to get A's in school.

Over the years, I've learned to keep my daydreaming at a minimum. I generally make up stories when I'm in bed for the night. Sometimes, it translates into me not wanting to get up and face the real world, when my imaginary life is so much more pleasing, but I have to get up and take care of my kids, so I snap myself out of it, with a promise that I'll return at night. Even so, there are days when I can't resist visting during my free time. It's too bad I can never stick with anything long enough to make use out of the daydreaming. I could have written several novels or movie scripts by now. I always think about how it would translate, as I'm daydreaming, but I just haven't been able to make myself write more than a few pages.

Let him know that it does bother you, and that if you wanted them to know all of the nitty gritty details, you would tell them yourself, then ask him politely to stop. Nothing is more irritating than having someone trying to explain things about you to other people-especially things that really just aren't anybody else's business. It's also not his job to explain and try to get people to understand. If being considered "weird" does not bother you, it shouldn't bother him either

My boyfriend occasionally will tell his family things about me such as this, but he often leaves some things out-for the longest time they thought I was just kind of crazy and controlling because he ONLY told them about events in which I had gotten really upset over schedule changes, and he tends to feel as if I'm taking it out on him, when I'm stressing over and over that it's not him, it's the situation entirely and has nothing to do with him. So all they were hearing about is how strange I am, how I lash out at him when upset, etc., and they never heard the whole story or took into account that it's all his perception and he has some insecurities anyway, so me being upset and yelling about something always becomes misconstrued and somehow it's a story about me just griping at him over everything.

I finally told his family a bit about myself, and flat out told him to stop relaying things about me to them, because it's all his perspective, not necessarily what is going on, and as far as my quirks-I don't want people who don't live with me and aren't around me all of the time to know how particular I am about things and whatnot, if I did, I'd tell them myself.

He has backed off a LOT about things, and realizes now that just because he feels bad about something does not mean that I caused it and he's noticed I never blame things on him, I just get upset and react to changes in general. He no longer tells everyone about every little odd thing that I do, and he is starting to get better about pointing it out every time I do something in an unusual way.

It is also nice because it leaves room for questions now if someone finds out about it or overhears he and I talking about it, because he isn't just taking the opportunity to explain everything to them, and it's up to me whether I tell them or not. It's nice to be able to explain certain things for yourself if someone asks, and not have it blurted out anyway if they don't

As far as daydreaming goes, I'm still a bit uncertain how this counts, but I think in pictures, so that has to be something right there. Usually when my teachers are talking, I'm analyzing something that has happened, or what they are talking about, etc. I do miss huge chunks of what they are saying sometimes, and I get preoccupied easily counting ceiling tiles It interferes with just about everything that I do, but I can catch up fairly easily if I miss that much of what is going on.