Suffering from Broad Autism Phenotype

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asdmayb26
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21 Jan 2018, 6:56 pm

I often reply with scripted one word answers like "good" and "alright" when I know I can elaborate more. The details usually come later when I feel like they should be coming sooner. My social skills are terrible in this respect. I'm extremely boring. How do you guys improve your conversational skills?



starcats
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21 Jan 2018, 8:30 pm

The only way that I am not like this is if I can anticipate a conversation ahead of time. That way I have time to talk it out in my head and think of 30 different things I should say depending on what is actually asked. Agendas sent at work before meetings really help, too. I can only manage one worders for spontaneous conversations.



SplendidSnail
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21 Jan 2018, 11:23 pm

Learning what kind of response people expect in what circumstance.

If someone asks, "How's it going?", people don't want a long response. But they do want to be asked how they are doing to keep the conversion going. The appropriate response (regardless of how it's going) is therefore, "Not to bad, how are you?"

If you just said, "Good", then it's end of conversation. But by adding asking them "How are you?" at the end of it, you give a chance for the conversation to continue.

A good deal of what skill I do have is essentially from learning scripts. That said, I'm not very good at conversation - when someone greets me, my immediate response tends to be a brief moment of inner panic.


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Level 1 Autism Spectrum Disorder / Asperger's Syndrome.


AntisocialButterfly
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22 Jan 2018, 6:33 am

Easiest way to have a conversation with someone is to ask them questions about themselves. They get to talk about themselves which makes them happy and you don't have to speak much except for to nod, look enthusiastic and then ask them another question regarding something they just said. Huzzar, a conversation. The fact I needed a book to figure this out always minorly amuses me.

Example:
Person: Hey, how are you?
You: I am doing okay thanks, how about you?
Person: Yer I am doing well
You: That's good, you have any plans for the weekend?
Person: Yer going to see blah blah band, and do blah blah activities etc. I am looking forward to it.
You: I didn't know you liked blah blah band, when did you book the tickets?
Person: Speaks more about themself
You: Keeps asking a question regarding what they just said, or sharing an opinion.

.. Eventually you run out of things to say or question and so you just go 'Nice to see you, I've got to go but nice to chat' and away you run xD ahah.



strings
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23 Jan 2018, 8:43 am

asdmayb26 wrote:
I often reply with scripted one word answers like "good" and "alright" when I know I can elaborate more. The details usually come later when I feel like they should be coming sooner. My social skills are terrible in this respect. I'm extremely boring. How do you guys improve your conversational skills?


I have two very good NT friends (twin brothers, in fact), and they have been trying, very patiently, to coach me on how to hold a casual conversation. Left to myself, I answer the "How are you today?" question with a polite "Fine, thank you," and then the conversation dies. They have been trying to teach me not only that one is supposed to respond with "And how about you?", but that one is supposed to sound sincere and interested as one asks that question. That seems to be the sticking point, for me, in learning how to continue. And actually, I think in my case it's not so much that I am not interested in how the person is doing, but more that I simply cannot believe that the person is interested in continuing the conversation with me, because I feel that I have nothing interesting to say to them.

Anyway, my attempts in our coaching sessions at continuing the conversation with "And how about you?" apparently sound very stilted and insincere. We have great fun in the coaching sessions, and lots of laughs, but I think my friends have more or less concluded that I am a hopeless case as a casual conversationalist!

The great thing about true friends, though, as opposed to casual acquaintances, is that they don't care if one is a bit odd. That is the real lesson I have learned from these two friends of mine.



P192
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23 Jan 2018, 12:21 pm

All the above are good ways to learn conversational skills. Also, not to discredit your diagnosis or imply that you don't have the disorder, but poor conversational skills aren't always an indicator of BAP.



kraftiekortie
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23 Jan 2018, 12:23 pm

One doesn't "suffer" from being within the Broad Autism Phenotype, in and of itself.

One is just "within it."

Just like one doesn't necessarily suffer from being a Jew, though some suffer because of being a Jew.