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structrix
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22 Jan 2018, 12:36 pm

So my best friend just moved back to where I live after having been gone for almost 8 years. I am super happy. I really am. She was my locus to other friends. She is very social and always was dragging me out and planning things and doing things and having parties. When she left my social life disappeared. I hung out with no one except for my husband and son. It made me sad and I felt lonely that I had no close friends.

So when she moved back I was jumping for joy. I was so happy. Finally, I was going to have a social life again and it's been great, sort of. I like going out more and doing things. She even has taken out my son to do things that I had never even thought of doing before. But, now I am starting to get irked. I don't WANT to go and hang out every day on the weekend. I don't have time now to do my special interests. Like, the weekend just passed and I BARELY go to play any video games because I was out and about with her at dinner and having reciprocal dinner at my house the next evening. Yesterday, she wanted to go out and shop with her and I was like NO, I am tired. She's like, you are always tired. But, seriously, I did not want to socialize AGAIN. It's making me mad.

On one hand I know I have to be social and keep my social obligations to have a friend. Luckily my husband is a homebody like me. On the other hand it's driving me insane.

My college life would have been absolutely dismal without my friend. She would call me (I never would initiate calls) and BEG me to go out. Finally, after lots of begging I would go out and have fun. She is a psychologist too and knows about my aspergers. But, gee golly, I want to be left alone sometimes! :x


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I am an Aspie!
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MidnightMoon
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28 Jan 2018, 7:41 pm

I hear you. This is why I hate going to family events. There are just too many people there, and I get very tired of being social, sometimes after only ten minutes of being there. That's why I bring books along with me whenever I go places.


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banana247
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18 Feb 2018, 2:51 pm

I feel like even NT's/non-aspies would get tired out from having so many constant commitments every single weekend.

Maybe some extroverts (like your friend, apparently) like filling their days to bursting with social events, but most people I know need "me" time for cleaning the house, netflix binging, reading, napping, or any other various hobbies or activities...

I get turned down all the time by friends for much ruder reasons (i.e. FOMO). LOL :-(( So I'm pretty sure you're not a rude friend. If you've already said yes to a few things for that week or weekend, i feel like it's totally NOT unreasonable to say no on the premise that you need some downtime to yourself!!



structrix
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19 Feb 2018, 10:24 am

We had hung out on Friday and kind of had an impromptu dinner, chat hangout. It was a lot of fun. We made plans to hang out the next evening. When that time came I was done. I had already been out on the road all day doing errands and the last thing I wanted to do was hang out again so I backed out. I am sure she was not happy.


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Your Aspie score: 144 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 66 of 200
I am an Aspie!
Diagnosed as an adult


kraftiekortie
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19 Feb 2018, 10:30 am

If nothing else, this friend is pretty persistent.....



Embla
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19 Feb 2018, 1:54 pm

My dad was really helpful on this subject the other day.
I've been visiting my home-town for the first time in two years, and I had a lot of people to see in a very short time. I was completely exhausted after just one day, and I was almost crying from the stress of trying to squeeze all the meetings into my schedule. Then my dad came with the simplest and most obvious solution that I hadn't given any thought at all: "You can just say no".
I still didn't quite get it, but he managed to remind me that when someone cancels or turns down a plan with me, I don't get that disappointed. In fact, I usually forget about it a few minutes after I get that "No".
I cancelled a few plans, no one got upset, and I got through the week more happy than stressed, and didn't get a (otherwise expected) meltdown.

It's hard when it's a friend that you really want to see, but if it's stressing you out, it's not worth it. Your friend should be able understand that, and it's not like you won't be seeing each other again soon anyway. It's of course a bummer when someone backs out the last minute, and I would get frustrated too if my friend did it all the time. My solution for that is simply to make fewer plans to begin with, so I don't have to cancel the ones that I make.