Self improvement to attract others

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Spiderpig
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15 Apr 2018, 4:50 pm

Attracting others may be a good motivation for self-improvement if you actually have a realistic chance of ever attracting someone. If that were my approach, I for one would have no motivation at all. I’d better do it just for my own sake, without expecting any reward beyond the self-improvement itself.


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RetroGamer87
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15 Apr 2018, 5:41 pm

Health and fitness is a great way to make yourself more attractive so you can attract a partner but once you have one you might get less fit.

I find that every time I have a girlfriend I gain 5 kilos. First, there's the dating. Trips to restaurants every weekend. Decadent food you wouldn't eat at home. Second, they start cooking for you.

Sometimes I skip dinner ti lose weight but that's very difficult when your partner just cooked you dinner and you don't want to upset you by refusing.

It can be hard for then to understand if they're naturally thin with a naturally fast metabolism. After you get into a relationship, expect to gain weight. If you want to stay thin, stay single.


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goldfish21
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15 Apr 2018, 9:33 pm

Or just learn to have some self control and discipline.

Aim for quality over quantity when dining out or cooking each other meals. Keep active, too.

Probably works best when both partners are committed to health & fitness for themselves and each other.


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Loner269
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15 Apr 2018, 10:27 pm

So err goldfish, even you gay people don't like man boobs?



goldfish21
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15 Apr 2018, 10:42 pm

Loner269 wrote:
So err goldfish, even you gay people don't like man boobs?


In general, you would be correct.
But not all gay people don't like man boobs.
There are some who specifically like man boobs/very chubby gay guys.
It's not my thing at all. Neither are big muscles, for that matter.
And in general, I find that there are a LOT of gay guys who are very appearance, health, and fitness focused.
BUT, that's mainly the "scene," ones. Out there in the regular world away from the gay village, clubs, and parties, there are far more "regular," looking gay people vs. stereotypically fit, or thin, or muscular, or underwear models etc.
But there are still gay guys who LIKE fat gay guys, just like there are some straight guys who like fat women, and some women who like fat men etc.

But, in general, no matter who you are and what your sexual orientation is, the fitter you are, the better your chances. Simple fact - even IF there's a "all bodies are equal," sort of acceptance movement going on. Hands down, the fitter you are, the more attention you're going to get from others. That's been my personal experience as well as observation of others, and IMO it's undeniable fact.

Besides, being more attractive to others by being in shape is a nice secondary benefit to me. I do it for myself, my own goals, my own health, fitness, functional strength and so on. If it gets me laid more often by the types I want to hookup with, bonus.


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Loner269
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16 Apr 2018, 7:01 pm

Well I've come to the conclusion getting rid of my moobs, aka getting to low fat levels is my major goal if I want to improve my game.. They limit quite a bit of potential good looking clothes on me cause I don't wanna wear anything that makes them show. I'm just curious how long it would take to get rid of them, I don't think I have gyno and my fat percent hovers somewhere around 35 maybe.



RetroGamer87
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16 Apr 2018, 7:29 pm

Loner269 wrote:
Well I've come to the conclusion getting rid of my moobs, aka getting to low fat levels is my major goal if I want to improve my game.. They limit quite a bit of potential good looking clothes on me cause I don't wanna wear anything that makes them show. I'm just curious how long it would take to get rid of them, I don't think I have gyno and my fat percent hovers somewhere around 35 maybe.

If you want to lose weight I suggest you try Phentermine. It helped me lose 120 pounds.


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goldfish21
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16 Apr 2018, 9:01 pm

Loner269 wrote:
Well I've come to the conclusion getting rid of my moobs, aka getting to low fat levels is my major goal if I want to improve my game.. They limit quite a bit of potential good looking clothes on me cause I don't wanna wear anything that makes them show. I'm just curious how long it would take to get rid of them, I don't think I have gyno and my fat percent hovers somewhere around 35 maybe.


Healthy weight loss goals are 1-2lbs net loss per week. So, you might gain 0.25lb of muscle and lose 2.25lbs of fat. How many weeks it takes depends on how many lbs you need to lose. Regular exercise and a healthy diet + plenty of water = slowly but surely get in better shape.

Remember: It took a long time to get out of shape so you should expect that it’s going to take a long time to get into shape. Just be patient and persistent.

When I started doing daily pushups over 4 years ago I could barely manage 20 or 30. Now I do at least 111 every day and I’ve done more than 200,000 of them since I started. It takes less than 2 minutes and my upper body strength is WAY better. I do other exercises and running, too. Same with running.. started out very slow and short distances, but now after several 7km runs into a season I can go run 16km around a blueberry farm dyke down the road.

While retro did in fact lose a lot of weight by taking amphetamines, it is not a healthy option and should be avoided in all but the most extreme cases. Diet, exercise, and time will get you into shape - all you have to do is Do it!

FYI 6 years ago I was 242lbs with a 38” waist and now I’m 202.5 at 12.5%bf and approx a 33 or so waist.

Oh, and fast walking burns more fat than running. Faster pace is for cardiovascular health, slower is for fat burning. So no need to punish yourself running when nice long brisk paced walks will do the trick.


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goldfish21
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24 Apr 2018, 11:07 am

Did a little work & went and hiked the ~480 stairs yesterday at least. Likely the same today, but I might also take a long walk or jog.. been feeling sluggish lately & want to be a lot swifter on my feet in less than 2 months, so time to put in the time to get there!

That's the thing about good advice & knowing what to do.. it doesn't work if you don't DO it. The weather's getting nicer now, time for a lot more evening runs. 8)


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Spiderpig
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24 Apr 2018, 1:55 pm

Almost everything in life is a virtuous cycle for those doing well and a vicious one for those doing badly. Natural selection, in other words. I’ve never been in the habit of running when I wasn’t told to, and never learned when, where and how it was appropriate as mere exercise. Then I got really fat quickly in my mid twenties, and ever since have felt I have no business running anywhere people can see my grotesque figure, and the best I’d expect if I did it is to be heartily laughed at.

Unlike running, I have actually been in the habit of cycling of my own accord, and so it feels like it’d be easier for me to start doing it again if I were to get myself a bike. Unfortunately, before I could ride one compatible with my other practical constraints, I’d need to have lost already a considerable part of my surplus weight.

EDIT – Missing word.


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Last edited by Spiderpig on 24 Apr 2018, 4:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

goldfish21
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24 Apr 2018, 2:22 pm

Walk, jog, run, cycle, swim.. whatever! People just need to keep moving forward! 8)


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Spiderpig
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24 Apr 2018, 4:52 pm

Hrm…, one of the few things I do is to walk as fast as possible without bumping into people or doing anything else dangerous. I walk on my own most of the time and am more interested in getting to my destination than enjoying the trip, which is seldom particularly enjoyable or novel. Unfortunately, when someone I know sees me, they sooner or later tell me to slow down. Not necessarily when they’re walking with me, mind you. In my experience, people will always find a way to oppose any effort at self-improvement on your part, in addition to pushing you to behave in downright irrational ways. And since I barely interact with peers, those other people are almost always in a position of power and authority over me.

Another thing I’ve begun to make a habit of is climbing stairs even if there are less sweaty alternatives. This hasn’t caught any naysayer’s eye yet.

Swimming isn’t really a good idea if you’re alone, so I’m unlikely to do it anytime soon.

The one easy thing when you’re ludicrously fat is to exercise your legs for strength. Sometimes people seem surprised that, contrary to their first impression, I’m more than barely able to move on my feet. I’d probably be in much better overall shape if I had a similarly pervasive excuse to exercise my arms. I must look a bit like a T-rex. Oh, wait, what do you call a human being with a generous amount of body fat, curves and whose strength is concentrated in their legs? A woman—dammit!


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RetroGamer87
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24 Apr 2018, 8:10 pm

Spiderpig wrote:
Almost everything in life is a virtuous cycle for those doing well and a vicious one for those doing badly.

Very true. Everything in life is a feedback loop. Either a success spiral or a failure spiral. The good news is, once you start to see the patterns, you can make them work for you.

Once you see the structure of the spiral, you can jump from the failure spiral to the success spiral and then get into a positive feedback loop where your previous success gives you enough confidence for your next success. Even a small victory could be enough to start the cycle.


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RetroGamer87
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24 Apr 2018, 8:18 pm

Spiderpig wrote:
Hrm…, one of the few things I do is to walk as fast as possible without bumping into people or doing anything else dangerous.
I used to love doing that but for the last six months I've been having a lot of pain in my feet. The podiatrist says it's because my flat feed keep rolling inwards and my kung fu instructor says it's because I'm no longer an indestructible young man it means the muscles in my feet can't heal as rapidly as they used to. I have to find a way to stop my feet rolling.
Spiderpig wrote:
Swimming isn’t really a good idea if you’re alone, so I’m unlikely to do it anytime soon.
Really? All of the people I see swimming laps at the pool do it alone.

The people who go swimming with other people aren't doing it for exercise. They people doing it for exercise are by themselves.
Spiderpig wrote:
The one easy thing when you’re ludicrously fat is to exercise your legs for strength. Sometimes people seem surprised that, contrary to their first impression, I’m more than barely able to move on my feet.
This is true. I had strong legs when I was fat. The trouble is, when you get to be about 50 you lose the strength in your legs but you're still overweight. This happened to my mum and now she walks at about one mile per hour.

I don't want to be negative but you can't count on your youthful strength and vigour for your whole life. Eventually you'll have to find other strategies such as not being as heavy.

Exercise helps but it's not the panacea. My kung fu instructor does a lot of exercise yet, at 60, he still finds it difficult to stand up after sitting on the floor.


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goldfish21
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25 Apr 2018, 12:25 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Spiderpig wrote:
Almost everything in life is a virtuous cycle for those doing well and a vicious one for those doing badly.

Very true. Everything in life is a feedback loop. Either a success spiral or a failure spiral. The good news is, once you start to see the patterns, you can make them work for you.

Once you see the structure of the spiral, you can jump from the failure spiral to the success spiral and then get into a positive feedback loop where your previous success gives you enough confidence for your next success. Even a small victory could be enough to start the cycle.


:heart: 8)


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TheSpectrum
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25 Apr 2018, 4:30 am

goldfish one thing we do have in common is how much we value the results of self improvement.

I was in a toxic relationship and I began to question what I was worth to other people because of how I felt treated. I concluded halfway through it that there were lots of people in my life who really did appreciate me, and that a lot more out there would as well if I made just a few minor changes to my life style.

I stopped sleeping in. I cut out a lot of the drinking, including most soft drinks. I have reduced my sugar intake. I walk a couple of miles a day at least when before I would get the bus everywhere as I was too run down. As a chef I decided not to cook just at work but at home and make an effort on at least 1 meal a day, no processed junk. I sold and part exchanged things I wasn't using any more to get better clothes and CD's/LP's I genuinely wanted to listen to in my free time.

These were all things that over the course of 3 months did not really take a lot of effort or willpower but were gradual changes in behaviour, with the mindset of "well....I only have to do this" each time a new change came into place. The results were mostly positive. I lost weight, clothes fit/look better than they did on me now. I have more energy. My mind feels fresher than it did. I'm managing money better and have become more responsible.

My ex wasn't very supportive about any changes that didn't benefit or involve her, and I can imagine she felt left out of the loop. It's for the best that this happened. We have remained friends and she is much happier in her own pursuits, and my life in all aspects has improved a lot since. I'm finally getting prospects on the dating scene which hasn't happened in YEARS. Like 3-4 years. And even if you take that part away, life has been more rewarding as of late.

Make small changes, over time.


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