OPINION: Texting and social media has screwed us over

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This is kind of long but I hope you'll take a look and let me know if you feel something similar.

I used to lump texting and social media into the "socialization" category. I recently realized that most of my "social" failures seem to revolve around those two platforms. This is partly due to the fact that they are the far preferred methods of "communication" among my peers (18-25 yr olds).

At least in all of my relationships, I've noticed that "texting" has become an extension of the way we use Facebook: it's simply to blurt things out without any expectation that it will be a real exchange, or conversation. People just text things "at" me, but it's not intended to be an actual conversation. On the contrary, people very frequently ghost me and I can't figure out if they think I'm dumb, rude, annoying, or don't think i'm worth a response. I'm stuck in permanent suspense as to whether they just haven't seen it and will eventually respond, or if I'm just lower on their "social hierarchy" than i thought. I've also realized that I've actually been conditioned to "ghost" because i think that responding to everything makes other people think I'm too "clingy" or "desperate". I would even wait to respond on purpose just to try to "fit in socially" and not to be "annoying"!

But... I think ghosting is so rude!! ! You would never completely ignore someone's comment when you're face to face - that would be the rudest thing ever! But communication has crumbled because of texting and social media. Now it's ok to totally ignore someone. It's totally normal to function on YOUR terms, respond to people whenever YOU feel like it and in the order of importance that YOU decide. It feels very selfish when you think about it. I know that you can't ALWAYS be on your phone, but most people do always have their phone or at least check it several times a day. Choosing to ignore is such a self centered way to respond to a "friend".

I think because i've worked so so hard as an aspie to understand real social rules, be a kind friend and not be rude, the rudeness of the texting and social media "communication" is so glaringly, well, RUDE, and I can't make any sense of it. I have major anxiety about phone calls, but at least it is real time and has emotion attached to it. Things make much more sense when i can at least hear the fluctuation of the voice, and I think I can get my point across so much better when I am working it out with words and tone rather than self-correcting and editing a text message for 30 minutes to try to get the wording JUST right. Now, nobody wants to call and think it's weird if I call them.

They are very noncommittal in terms of making plans, I guess because something better might come up? Or they just want to wait and see how they feel that day. Way to make me feel like garbage. If you are talking to someone in real life, it's not so easy to just brush someone off, but texting allows us to function in such a cold way and not feel bad about it. I just feel like I can't make sense of the texting culture, and I don't really want to learn these rude ways anyway! I am doing my best to respond right when I see the message, even if it's to say "I don't know, i'll get back with you". If it's just a quick blurb they want to show me, I will at least respond with "thanks, I'll check it out" or "how cool" etc. I also want to try to make more phone calls and try to foster a real connection, even if it weirds people out. My friends are worth taking a few minutes to talk to. "Me" time is important, but so are real relationships!! !! !! !! !

I can't help but agree with a lot of what you're saying here. Especially in regards to ghosting. Anyone in their right mind would think it's rude, and yet, some people don't even seem to consider the rudeness of the act before committing it.

There are plenty of messed up people who do this.

I think texting and social media has screwed us as well. I'm also prompt when someone texts me, since it barely takes anytime out the day to do so. Ghosting is a horrible thing to do to somebody and I can't think of any reason why anyone would do that to somebody, unless in extreme circumstances.

The ironic part is these devices are meant to allow you to communicate with your friends more often yet we now have people ignoring others and being rude!

I know how it feels to work hard and yet somehow end up back at square one. I have tried socializing more and I have failed to make any lasting friends. I think the world has become more selfish when it comes to communicating.

This. I can be busy and not answer, but once I'm done with whatever, I'll reply to your message. Especially if it's a quick one that should take 2 seconds. If it's a long one, I'll acknowledge it and say I'll respond to it later. But people, including my former friend, "forget" or make excuses & brush you off like you aren't that important but quickly get to their other better friends.

I only ever had 1 friend I felt I made a deeper connection with (the same former friend). Most other friends were simply school friends. Though I had a few people in Middle & HS that probably would have liked to know me more but I seemed to push them away in terms of hanging out outside school out of nervousness. Despite dreaming about having friends or someone over to play Nintendo games with, etc.

I didn't even have a cell phone until I was 17 so my only option would have been actually chatting on the home phone which would suck. I hate how I sound on the phone. I also didn't use facebook, myspace, etc. Just my youtube account which I was afraid of showing people at school to see the videos I make.

I will be going to my school club meeting all weekend so it'll be fun. Hopefully some new connections.

100% this! They're saying this is the loneliest generation. Theoretically we are more "connected" now with all the tech but we're actually getting torn apart and more miserable.

I was recently reading an article that claimed that millennials have become obsessed with "byte-size" information, and they can't handle things that require full attention for longer than a few seconds. That's why we like twitter that condenses ideas into tiny bursts, memes (basically single frame comics), instagram (an entire event or achievement condensed into a photo... no reading even required) etc, etc. This makes sense. Phone conversations or even just synchronous text-based conversations require your attention for more than a few seconds, so no wonder this generation can't handle it.

This isn't an opinion, it is a fact

Agreed 100%.

I don't bother with facebook anymore unless I have some specific reason to want to contact somebody. It's like somewhat more convenient email to me.

I would feel self-centered if I'd actually post anything on my timeline.

Everyone is moving away from FB in a hurry, right now. Better get those email addresses while you still can

where are they going?

yeah I don't get why they'd leave. FB useful for contacts and stuff. Can find contractors or use buy and sell. I just don't really use it socially that much

I agree.

I didn’t start to get depression and grief from really nasty people before finding the internet. I don’t like it, but someone my age can’t avoid it without losing touch. I will always choose face to face over phones and emails. They make me uncomfortable. It’s so easy to be misunderstood.

I miss being a kid and drawing, cardmaking and listening to the radio.

The social complexity of online is too hard for me.

Unfortunately, we are alive during the start of an era, which implies we have not really evolved to cope with it yet. If social media is around for thousands of years, eventually natural selection will kick in and only the resiliant will survive.

I couldn't agree with you more! It's sad it's been going in that direction of lazyness, respond IF I FEEL LIKE IT. That is just so damn rude!

You have clued in to the reasons I have against social media (including, sometimes, on Wrong Planet). For your age, you have had an epiphany. I simply don't do social media writ large. I prefer e-mail messages to tweets precisely because conversations used to involve more then tossing verbal slogans at each other. During the age of enlightenment, people would often write pages (plural) to each other because it could take days or weeks to receive replies. That kind of delay allowed for consideration and deliberation.

The problem for me now is that my ex-partners, ex-friends, ex-coworkers and ex-classmates (in other words, anybody who has meant anything to me) communicate nothing with me. I see the whole world addicted to constant texting, but I receive none of it. During rare moments, someone will ask me to join them for a meal or coffee only to bombard me with verbal download after verbal download. I end up replying with half-word utterances like "yep," "okay," "well, I thought--" and "uh-uh." Anywhere from five minutes to two hours later, they disconnect or leave.

I guess I am an 18th-century social construct.

What annoys me is when people say they've been busy and haven't had time to respond to your message, although it says "read" underneath it so they've clearly opened it. It takes 30 seconds to respond to a message, how can somebody not have 30 seconds?! If you think it's rude to text when you're hanging out with other people, fair enough, but don't open the message in the first place then!

Yep, I struggle to read long walls of text nowadays which I'm sure I didn't as a child.

I used to love the Internet back in the late 90s; for almost a decade, it was a cool place for us geeks to get together, hang out, chat, play games, and just generally be super geeky together. It was our refuge from the drama-filled popularity contest that was high school.

Today, the Internet is the drama-filled popularity contest that I seek refuge from

There are still some safe havens here and there, if you know where to look, but most friends have long gone, leaving only dust and cobwebs behind.