Friendships with NTs aware of Aspergers? It's doable!

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JustFoundHere
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16 Feb 2018, 6:46 pm

Anybody boost social skills by becoming acquainted with an NT aware of Aspergers?

The goals of developing friendships with NTs aware of Aspergers i.e., those quality people we all would like to know present healthy (doable) opportunities for people experiencing difficulties with social-skills!

"And, yes, we all know that quality people are hard to come-by" - yet, we can't let doubts become a self-fulfilling prophecy!

For starters, reconsider meetup groups in your area http://www.meetup.com (or a nearby major metro-region) that are aware of Aspergers.

I strongly feel that long-established groups having large memberships (I've noted membership in the hundreds) have survived precisely because thoughtful NTs remain in the loop! Consider becoming acquainted with these NTs.

How many people actually feel more uncomfortable in a room full of others on the Autism Spectrum, than in a room full of mostly thoughtful NTs?? Many of us (including myself) here on WP feel the same ways!



whatamievendoing
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16 Feb 2018, 10:04 pm

I don't have many acquaintances who seem to understand what AS exactly is, but one particular acquaintance who does understand what it is comes to mind. She's told me she has other Aspie acquaintances, and given that she's done actual research on the subject, I have no reason to doubt her. And of course, my best friend knows about my AS, but that's a slightly different story. And both of them are NTs.

I just wish people stopped leaning towards stereotypes and other false beliefs when it comes to AS. There's still too much of an evil stigma attached to it to this day. That's why I'm extremely careful about the people I do tell my AS about.


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Embla
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17 Feb 2018, 7:13 pm

I don't know anyone (NT) who actually knows what ASDs are all about, but I am very grateful for the friends that I have that are understanding of me being different from them. My boyfriend and one close friend are very helpful in letting me know when I do something that probably wouldn't be too popular with other people - things like talking too loud/long, straying from the subject, correcting others or fact-dropping. They give helpful constructive criticism, and I trust their advice. Because they're not doing it because they're annoyed with me or anything. They're kindly helping me improve social skills, like I have asked them to.
I am also very happy that the group of friends I was with today was so very accepting when I needed a break. I was visiting them for the first time in two years, and they were all there because of me. It was very flattering and it was nice to see them, but I were not used to that amount of people and sounds, and I got so exhausted I was about to throw up. I excused myself to go take a nap in a different room, and it was completely OK. I said sorry about it many times, but they all seemed happy about me being able to accommodate my own needs, and they could understand that me napping for 30 mins was a lot nicer for everyone than a meltdown would be.
There are some great people out there, and as long as you're with the right crew, it doesn't matter who's NT and who's not. As long as everyone can accept each other.



JustFoundHere
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18 Feb 2018, 5:24 pm

Thank-you for sharing your experiences. The notions of more or less, informal experiences in successful friendships with NTs may be seen as more of an exception, and less of the rule.

Basically (like many of us on WP), it may be best to improve social skills/friendships with NTs through a blend of informal and formal approaches.

As mentioned in original post, contact meetup groups in your area http://www.meetup.com (or a nearby major metro-region) that are aware of Aspergers; who likely have dedicated NTs in the loop!



Embla
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19 Feb 2018, 1:54 am

JustFoundHere wrote:
Thank-you for sharing your experiences. The notions of more or less, informal experiences in successful friendships with NTs may be seen as more of an exception, and less of the rule.

Basically (like many of us on WP), it may be best to improve social skills/friendships with NTs through a blend of informal and formal approaches.

As mentioned in original post, contact meetup groups in your area http://www.meetup.com (or a nearby major metro-region) that are aware of Aspergers; who likely have dedicated NTs in the loop!


I think you're right. Successful friendships has been very rare in my life too, but I seem to have hit the jackpot here. I think the secret to my friendships is that I've been spending my time in unusual environments, more precisely the circus community. It's a place where all the weirdos gather, and everyone is a bit of an outsider (you have to be to run off with the circus). Many come from alternative backgrounds, or rough childhoods, or are just the kinds of people who don't really fit in to the standard society. Which makes everyone very accepting and open to the fact that everyone is different.
So, fo me, the alternative communities has been the place to be.

I really like the idea of these meetup-groups. It's almost the same concept as the language-cafes, where locals meet up with immigrants to chat and have a coffee, with the purpose of helping the immigrants learn the language and the culture. Just like many of us could have great use of learning the NT language and culture.



mind_my_palace
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19 Feb 2018, 2:53 pm

JustFoundHere wrote:
Anybody boost social skills by becoming acquainted with an NT aware of Aspergers?

The goals of developing friendships with NTs aware of Aspergers i.e., those quality people we all would like to know present healthy (doable) opportunities for people experiencing difficulties with social-skills!

"And, yes, we all know that quality people are hard to come-by" - yet, we can't let doubts become a self-fulfilling prophecy!

For starters, reconsider meetup groups in your area http://www.meetup.com (or a nearby major metro-region) that are aware of Aspergers.

I strongly feel that long-established groups having large memberships (I've noted membership in the hundreds) have survived precisely because thoughtful NTs remain in the loop! Consider becoming acquainted with these NTs.

How many people actually feel more uncomfortable in a room full of others on the Autism Spectrum, than in a room full of mostly thoughtful NTs?? Many of us (including myself) here on WP feel the same ways!


Okay, very interesting stuff. Never been in a room full of Aspies. Would it be weird? My social skills are rank. I'm brilliant at set roles, but double over at the faintest hint of "spontaneity". My friend is a NT, though. He is beyond amazing; being both a bridge and a bumper between me and "real life".



JustFoundHere
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19 Feb 2018, 3:27 pm

An example of an Asperger meetup group is the 'San Francisco Adult Asperger Self Help Meetup' (AASHM).

A meetup group with almost 600 members, and established over the last few years (a rarity as many groups too often discontinue meetings due to lack of interest) invites further interest.

AASHM is likely that six-degrees of separation from dedicated NTs. After all, meetup groups with robust membership, and involvement must have that blend of dedicated NTs, and people on the Spectrum in the loop. Right??