Will I ever find a boyfriend?

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Kayleigh
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01 Mar 2018, 3:53 am

I am a teenage girl with Asperger's syndrome and PTSD. I am home-schooled and I do not have any friends. I struggle with social interaction and I have trust issues.

I have a desire to find a boyfriend, but I don't know how to.

I have been told that I am an attractive girl and that I look like Vivien Leigh. My looks are not a problem and, as far as I am aware, my personality is not either. I am highly intelligent and I am caring.

My problem is that I am cripplingly shy.

Does anyone have any tips or ideas which may help me? Or - is there anyone who is willing to be the boyfriend of a nice but demanding girl?



Kiprobalhato
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01 Mar 2018, 3:58 am

being home schooled, it sounds like you have less opportunities to meet others than others your age who attend public schools which i suppose is an obstacle. i guess you don't go out much, either because of shyness?

just looked her up, vivien leigh is stunning. i'm sure you wouldn't have problems getting attention from guys if you were around them, but i don't know how often that happens.


you say you're "demanding", can you elaborate?


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Tequila
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01 Mar 2018, 4:00 am

Kayleigh wrote:
I am a teenage girl with Asperger's syndrome and PTSD. I am home-schooled and I do not have any friends. I struggle with social interaction and I have trust issues.

I have a desire to find a boyfriend, but I don't know how to.

I have been told that I am an attractive girl and that I look like Vivien Leigh. My looks are not a problem and, as far as I am aware, my personality is not either. I am highly intelligent and I am caring.

My problem is that I am cripplingly shy.

Does anyone have any tips or ideas which may help me? Or - is there anyone who is willing to be the boyfriend of a nice but demanding girl?


I was also home educated - more of an autodidact than anything.

Internet. Reading. I use Reddit. Then apply the knowledge.

Also, ignore other people.



nick007
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01 Mar 2018, 6:40 am

You could try meeting a guy online but I'd highly recommend staying off dating sites & hook up sites until your18 & done with homeskewling. The way I got the 3 girlfriends I did was by posting on forums aLOT. One good thing about the forums is that you can get a better feel of someone's personality by following & checking their post history than just meeting a stranger offline or reading a few paragraphs on a dating site. One major downside with the forums thou is that you may not meet anyone in your area unless it's a forum for local things around where you live. I did the long distance thing with all 3 of my girlfriends before I moved in with my current.
Another option you could try is joining clubs, groups, organizations, & activities that you might would possibly like to be involved with. One good thing about that is you can get out of the house more. Some people have suggested MeetUp.com to find stuff in your area.


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Tequila
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01 Mar 2018, 7:00 am

nick007 wrote:
You could try meeting a guy online but I'd highly recommend staying off dating sites & hook up sites until your18 & done with homeskewling. The way I got the 3 girlfriends I did was by posting on forums aLOT. One good thing about the forums is that you can get a better feel of someone's personality by following & checking their post history than just meeting a stranger offline or reading a few paragraphs on a dating site. One major downside with the forums thou is that you may not meet anyone in your area unless it's a forum for local things around where you live. I did the long distance thing with all 3 of my girlfriends before I moved in with my current.
Another option you could try is joining clubs, groups, organizations, & activities that you might would possibly like to be involved with. One good thing about that is you can get out of the house more. Some people have suggested MeetUp.com to find stuff in your area.


If they aren't in your local area there's always rail links if you live in a large town or city.

That's a point about the dating site - men will letch. You won't want that. Play to your strengths.



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01 Mar 2018, 7:49 am

Tinder.



TheSpectrum
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01 Mar 2018, 8:42 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Tinder.

8O dude, no!!

Hmm. Kayleigh, why not try online communities which cater to your interests :) or meetup.com?
Worked for a few I know.
You'll find a boyfriend, don't worry.


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Tequila
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01 Mar 2018, 8:47 am

It depends what is desired.

You could have a boyfriend but he's a bellend. Sack that if it happens.



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01 Mar 2018, 8:56 am

I didn't date any of the boys at my highschool. The two places I found boys to date at that age were online (chat rooms) and at my sports training and comps.

Chat rooms aren't really a thing anymore, so I think the younger folk would have to advise what is the equivalent these days. But starting off talking online could be a good strategy.

The shyness makes it tricky for in-person interactions. I was awkward and quiet, but bold when I really wanted someone. I saw a boy I liked at comp once so I got his phone number from the sports centre after the games, and asked him out. We hadn't even spoken before that. That's probably pretty ballsy but my point is that I didn't have to go up to the guy and make conversation. I just cut to the chase, did things my way, how I felt most comfortable. Your way might be to send a private message on Meetup after meeting someone at an event. Find your groove and go with it.



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01 Mar 2018, 9:32 am

Definitely stay away from dating sites, you will get hurt or scammed even. Maybe try to get a friend to hook you up, that would be wiser than just putting yourself out there.



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01 Mar 2018, 9:42 am

For her age I should have recommended snapchat tho.



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01 Mar 2018, 10:35 am

andyfzr wrote:
Definitely stay away from dating sites, you will get hurt or scammed even. Maybe try to get a friend to hook you up, that would be wiser than just putting yourself out there.

Really only applies to men using dating sites
But besides she’s too young OkCupid and pof require one be 18 to sign up. I bet tinder is the same.
She could use Facebook but should be wary of older men trying to predator on underage girls by faking being younger. Though that goes with anywhere in the internet. There’s a few teen aspie boys in wp i dont know if they are in uk or near her but might be worth looking into.
As a woman you’re fine being single til your 18 though especially if your attractive. Men won’t hold it against you. I wouldn’t begin to know where a homeschool kid would go to meet boys in the uk. Good luck



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01 Mar 2018, 11:47 am

Be careful.
You can see that you mention youth and good looks and some are already throwing you to the wolves. No offense other posters but this is a young person and being of legal age should not invite any lewd suggestions.
Slow down, your urgency sounds a bit more like just plain loneliness that might be better filled by a friend.
If you are at all good looking, relatively easy to get along with, and an average body type you will find enough interested suitors.
Stop and work on overcoming your shyness enough to step out into the world or you will end up shy with only one other person that is close to you and that may be a too heavy burden for that other person.
I know each day seems an eternity and suggestions to slow down are meaningless but many of us have been down that same path and are hoping you don't repeat our mistakes.
:heart:



kraftiekortie
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01 Mar 2018, 12:18 pm

Why WOULDN’T you be able to find a boyfriend?

Being Aspie, autistic, or whatever doesn’t stop people from finding love and companionship.

As for sex, I would wait until you REALLY love somebody, and perhaps till you’re older.



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01 Mar 2018, 12:20 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Being Aspie, autistic, or whatever doesn’t stop people from finding love and companionship.


This caused bitter mirth.



kraftiekortie
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01 Mar 2018, 12:53 pm

Mirthful though it may be, it's still a fact that neurodivergent people frequently find love---many times when they "least expect it."