(rant) People who talk about autism, but are all TALK

Post Reply New Topic

I have Facebook friends who post and share videos and images about autism awareness, stories of downs or other special needs folks, inclusion for all people, etc etc.

They seem all noble standing up for these causes and lots of people "like" the posts. But, the same people are rude to me in real life, overlook me, exclude me, dismiss me when i try to have a conversation so that they can talk to others instead, etc etc.

It makes me so angry but also makes me laugh and feel sorry for them, because they have no idea how hypocritical they are. I understand that it's hard not to judge and we can't be perfect, but they act like they are these great big advocates for autism and here I am, autism right under their nose and they don't even know what it is.

Granted, if I never told them that I'm autistic (i haven't), perhaps there is no reason that they would know that i am. Maybe they just think i'm awkward, childlike, and odd. BUT, if you are claiming to promote INCLUSION and COMPASSION, you are not really living these qualities as a lifestyle unless you extend them to ALL people, not just theoretically to those with severe disabilities in a video. If you know a person who is awkward, childlike, odd, antisocial, has anxiety, depression, acts weird, gets left out, ETC, you would see these as red flags and try your best to be inclusive and understanding. If you were really an advocate for those with autism or special needs, you would understand that it's a spectrum, and that you are more likely to come across someone who can blend in than someone whose autism is apparent. That's not to say that the more severe folks don't need to be understood and advocated for, but we know that the subtle ones often have a harder time getting help because no one knows there's even a problem.

Also, it's easy to agree with a trendy video, and it feels so good to get "likes" for seeming so valiant. How about reaching out to the REAL special needs folks in your life or community. Videos often feel glamorous and flattering because you don't really have to deal with what's in them. There's always tons of comments saying "omg she's so cute" and "i would love to be her bff", but you know they probably would never be that nice in real life because they wouldn't have true enough compassion to fully accept that person, including their flaws that are not shown on camera. They just like to feel good by posting a "nice" comment behind the mask of a computer.

To me, this is almost like saying, "Oh, i'm a HUGE advocate for dogs. I love dogs and I stand for them." but all you do is share photos of purebreds and adopt your own purebreds, while driving past injured strays on the street. I do think videos and images that promote awareness and inclusion can be very good, but I think they just enable people to keep being jerks in real life while feeling like they actually care about those who are different.

I think that it does make a difference if certain behaviour is the result of some condition (like autism) or not.

I use to go to High School with a girl like that. She was really rude to me and would even sometimes go out of her way to be mean to me. Then she said that she wanted to be a Special Ed teacher.

The same to my current boss. She has autistic children and an autistic husband. But she is gossiping behind my back with instances about a so-called "learning disorder", trying to avoid responsibility. I have had it with her and her boss. She lies on appraisal talks that everything would be okay. I find her a bad treacherous boss.

Her children go to a university and are not in her backyard. I am in her backyard.

Few people actually walk the talk. What people say and what they do are often not the same. Some people want to appear virtuous, so they say things they have no intention of doing. Others mean what they say, but lack the courage and fortitude to follow through. Words are easy, performance is difficult.

I've noticed a lot of people getting excluded and roasted on the internet for being autistic (this has happened to me) and NOT FITTING IN DUE TO THEIR AUTISM. Some trolls say "Being autistic doesn't give you an excuse for not understanding social rules/being different" but that's exactly what autism is... We don't fit in. We are different and they use this against us while failing to acknowledge that it is our autism that makes us hard to deal with and to understand. It's their job to learn and tolerate. We can't change ourselves entirely, although many of us try so hard. They could at least meet us half-way and be a little kinder to us.

I think people do care and mean well when it comes to the well-being of people with these types of syndromes, but when they confront them in person they are often made uncomfortable. Therefore, even though their hearts are in the right place, they act like jerks when they come across them. I have been excluded from things my whole life, and even though it isn't necessarily my fault, it speaks volumes of the society that we live in. To be honest, even as a person with Asperger's Syndrome and an advocate for it, I find that I would probably be uncomfortable around other people with even more severe disabilities and would have issues identifying with those people. I don't know, just my two cents here.

An example, I found a person with Down's Syndrome or something like that that ended up making comments about the dress I was wearing, and they made me deeply uncomfortable. This doesn't mean that we don't care about the disabilities on the whole, but human beings have a need to be around those that are similar to them, even if they're "advocating the needs" of the vastly different.

I can't stand it either when people post about autism awareness and acceptance on their social media pages, but are nasty and rude to me in person. I went to school with some bubbily, annoying popular girls that now work with special needs students as reading teachers and speech pathologists. These girls were stuck up and snobby to me back in high school. They post the autism awareness stuff on their Facebook pages. It really grinds my gears because of how they treated me in school. Further more, these girls know next to nothing about autism. They support hateful organizations like Autism Speaks.

These types of people are no better than the ones who post bible verses all over their Facebook pages, but their real life behavior contradicts the bible verses they post.

What annoys me even more than that are the people who claim to understand and know a lot about autism when all they've ever done is listen to professionals and read things written by them... I mean sure, these people know more than normal people on average and probably know the correct medical terms, but do they know what autism is really like in real life? From my experience, they don't. That's unfortunate, but still understandable. What I don't understand and can't tolerate are the people who don't even want to listen to autistic people on the matter and claim that professionals and their books know better. Like seriously? Often an autistic person in their teens has more experience on the matter than a doctor ready for retirement! I mean sure, the teen will just have his or her personal experience, but it's not like the doctor has met every autistic person either, not to mention they just deal with them a few working hours instead of 24/7.

Fireblossom, I agree with you. It really irks me to see 20 something's who just graduated college being hired as speech pathologists when they have absolutely no classroom experience and know nothing about autism. I know one guy who just graduated high school last year and is now working as an instructional assistant in the self-contained classroom that my mom works in. This guy thinks he knows everything about autism. The teacher in this classroom used to be a real estate agent. She taught gen Ed classes for a few years before becoming a teacher for the self contained classroom. This chick thinks she knows everything about autism too. My mother knows so much more about autism than her coworkers do because she is autistic ( her coworkers don't know that) and she raised two autistic children (me and my sister). My mom also volunteered for seven years in classrooms that had some autistic students. Her coworkers could learn so much from her if they'd get over their jealousy and insecurities and stop being so competitive.

Intellectual disability, in America.

Learning difficulty, in the U.K.

Kids will be kids.

Most grow up.

Yes, there are some nasty people who work with autistic people.

But there are many nice ones, too.