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HughDYork
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10 Mar 2018, 3:31 am

Usualy I dont understand people's emotions. Or at least it is too hard. Do you have the same problem? Share you experiance.



Kiprobalhato
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10 Mar 2018, 3:33 am

i don't feel other people's emotions because i'm not those people.


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HughDYork
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10 Mar 2018, 3:35 am

Kiprobalhato wrote:
i don't feel other people's emotions because i'm not those people.

I mean i have no emphaty enough.



Yokokurama
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11 Mar 2018, 2:53 pm

Fake it till you make it is usually horrible advice but with empathy, it's always what I've had to do. 90% of empathy I've ever felt in my life is towards animals and older people who are aging and going towards death. I don't know why I have such strong empathy for those groups but not others. Just keep practicing and convincing yourself that you can feel empathy, but it's definitely a long term battle.



justRob
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11 Mar 2018, 8:00 pm

What specific sorts of trouble do you have with others' emotions?

- Trouble identifying which emotions others are feeling?

- Trouble understanding why people are feeling what they are?

- Trouble relating their emotions in yourself (imagining yourself feeling these emotions)?

- Trouble feeling emotions in response to others feeling them?

- All of the above?

Emotions are tricky to learn, and there's not much help out there. You can't listen to much of what NTs have to say on the subject. It took me until age 28 to get any sort of concept in my mind of how emotions work in other people. What sort of situations in life do you have where you struggle with understanding people's emotions?



Joe90
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12 Mar 2018, 6:41 am

Ugh. It's threads like this that get the general population to tar us all with the same brush and think we are all capable of murder. For some stupid reason people think that if you lack empathy you are a coldhearted evil person capable of murder. Lack of empathy does NOT mean that, but unfortunately a lot of people do believe it means that.

And are you all really blaming your ASD on your 'lack of empathy'? I assume most people here were severely bullied before. Did your bullies have emotional empathy towards you? Did they care what you were feeling? Did they actually feel what you were feeling? Did they feel guilty? Did they understand how it is to be in your shoes? I think not. That is why people bully, it's because they don't understand how it really feels to be you. Your feelings don't matter to them. And often bullies get so carried away with themselves, that they no longer believe you have feelings. They just think it's funny, or fun, or a game, with no shame.


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George9
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13 Mar 2018, 3:57 am

I would recommend reading the book "Against Empathy" by Paul Bloom.

Compassion and empathy are not the same. Bloom points out just how overrated empathy is.

Also, I think a lot of NTs who claim that they have a lot of empathy really don't. They just wish they did.



Indominus
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14 Mar 2018, 4:50 pm

Yokokurama wrote:
Fake it till you make it is usually horrible advice but with empathy, it's always what I've had to do. 90% of empathy I've ever felt in my life is towards animals and older people who are aging and going towards death. I don't know why I have such strong empathy for those groups but not others. Just keep practicing and convincing yourself that you can feel empathy, but it's definitely a long term battle.


Practically because animals are hardwired to feeling tons of happiness towards those who care for them. Though specific animals may regulate different forms of empathy, specifically dogs and cats, so to speak, with dogs being more outgoing and energetic compared to cats.

as for older people, I can see why. Having worked with older people myself, I can see that they're generally fascinated whenever a passing face comes by. Maybe it's due to them being reluctant to at least make some good out of their lives before they die.

Faking till you make it is kind of hard for me. Mostly because I keep a straight face and have nothing to hide or show. So I'm generally stoic at all times when I come out. This was due to me realizing that nobody cared about compliments and after experiencing with people, particularly those my age, I realized that college was a grown up version of high school and it didn't matter if I faked it or not. all it mattered was how often I revealed or expressed myself and once you realize that people can take advantage of your emotions, there's no going back.

It's helped me for the most part to say the least, but after being distant and aloof for so long, I just don't feel like talking anymore. My heart feels like it's made out of iron now, especially how heavy it feels whenever I talk. It's not a medical issue, but chapped lips can get to you sometimes and it makes it hard to talk because of that, especially after having to deal with weed smokers as roommates in my previous semester.

I figured that if I make a habit of going here often or get a new PC, then I might be able to resolve my innermost frustrations. But nothing seems to work. It feels so dead inside.



Joe90
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16 Mar 2018, 1:05 pm

Once I was in a room with NTs and they were talking about empathy (nobody knew I was Aspie by the way). They were saying that it's often awkward when someone is crying and that they're not always sure how to act appropriately, unless it's a really close friend or relative. Everybody in the whole room agreed and related to that. And no these people weren't psychopaths or Aspies in disguise. They were just NT work colleagues, all women.

See, you can still have high/average empathy levels but still often feel awkward in certain emotional situations. It's a normal human thing.

I do think this empathy and Aspies s**t is overrated.


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Empathy score: 61 out of a possible 80. (High)