Posting in L&D that L&D is not for you

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I also suspect this is the case. I never know what to do with figurative language though. As fluffy suggested, they may just want to know they are not alone. Well, my rigid brain asks "Why don't they say that then? Why don't they ask 'anyone else feel the same?' at the end of their post rather than leaving it as a statement?"

I guess because I dislike being misinterpreted and prefer my words to be taken literally (and to be called out when I use poor language), it's hard to remember others don't feel the same, especially on an aspie forum where I expect more literal-mindedness!

Still, if someone is engaging with me in a thread and replies to my post with something akin to "there is no hope for me", I still won't know how to respond. Sympathy? The Haven is for that...I'm no good at validating feelings or providing a shoulder...I only know how to attempt to solve problems, play devil's advocate, or try to challenge people's negative beliefs. Which is why I almost never go into the Haven!

People who are depressed and actually some Aspies too are prone to absolutist statements. It either is or it isn't. Black or white with no room for grey.

As for how to handle a 'there is no hope for me' post, my approach would be to figure out the reasoning behind why they think that and either refute it or validate it based on how much truth there seems to be to it. Generally I'd say there's always hope, but sometimes the poster in question will have to put in a fair bit of effort and self-investment before that hope can be realised, and some aren't willing to do that/aren't willing to see it that way as they don't feel like they should have to change anything in order to be successful in love.

It seems that some will look around and see happy couples in relationships and just think they should have that by default. What they fail to do is look at WHY those people have managed to get into relationships while they fail to do so. More often than not there are distinguishing factors between the poster and people in relationships that the poster either neglects to take into account, tries to ignore completely or refuses to acknowledge that they should matter when in fact they clearly do.

It's a place for people to vent. A lot of these threads are started by people who are busting their tails trying to get attention from the opposite sex. If they're already in a relationship, their busting their tails to make it a perfect relationship, so I'm all for those types of people having their threads here. The threads that get me hot are the threads where people fight over whether men or women have it easier.

Yeah, they're not conducive of much. Even if we were to concede that one sex generally has it harder, there are some members of the other sex who would have a harder time than some members of the so-called hard-done-by sex.

I wish I had a switch off option for my crushes for I fall in love very easily and that's kinda useless + it makes me childish.

I haven't had a crush on anyone in years, so that's fun.

This is a sign of maturity.

It doesn't make life happier though.

I thought that too, hadn't had crushes in years, then got all silly giddy over someone I met one day. Either I was wrong about having matured, or wrong about mature people not getting crushes.

Being an aspie, it's probably the former...or both...

I wish there was one for emotions. Like data, he can just turn them on and off. We need s drug thst eleminates emotions while keeping morals in tack

I get crushes on people really easily, too.

Even today, at age 57.

This thread however seems to suggest that none of us have it as tough as we think. While yellowtamarin could well be right about that, we might as well humour everybody instead of questioning individual perception. I find I'm way too pragmatic to really find enough reason for optimism in here, it also regularly passes many of us by IRL.

imho - this forum is not just for advice.
Something I read as my children were growing up helped me - when someone comes to you to share their sadness they are usually not looking for a solution. They are looking for someone to listen.

Having a place to unburden your soul can lighten the load just enough to get through the day.

When all else fails, send hugs.

That's interesting, because generally when I share my sadness with someone, being offered a viable solution is the most desirable outcome. Having someone hear me out is all well and good but I want to put an end to my problems more than I want to just sit around and talk about them.

Same here. I was going to post something similar.

Yeah me too. But I know that what beady says is true for many people. It just doesn't make sense to me, though.

And in terms of here in the forum, if I just listen, that means I won't respond, as I'm only listening (or reading, in this case). So is that what they want, no reply? They won't know that I was listening so I don't think that would work.

Gee, not sure how to take that; excuse my AS. I was only trying to answer the origional question asked, with my own input.

There's no chance of your reply to my post making any difference. You were making a post to be a _____ . I'm trying to fill in the blank.