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I attract such messed up people

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Chronos
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29 Apr 2018, 3:47 pm

SocOfAutism wrote:
Back when I was working on research (I’m an autism researcher, not currently working on anything), another researcher and I noticed that aspies seem to be the target of user types.

I have seen you guys refer to them as toxic people, as narcissists, or as sociopaths, but generally it seems to be a person who has good “autdar” or “aspdar” and will try to trick the autistic person into some kind of social situation (friendship, relationship, whatever) with the goal of exploiting them. This could be as minor as just getting you to drive them around or dumping their emotions on you, or it could be getting you to pay for them, or pressuring you into sex. Autistic people seem to pretty much universally learn (the hard way) to recognize this behavior and cut off the person, but it varies on how long it takes. Sometimes people seem to get wise to it in their teens, but sometimes it takes a person into their elderly years to recognize the pattern and start protecting themselves.

I found it profoundly interesting. There has been some stuff written about user types, but as of last year I couldn’t find anything about a target population (such as autistics) adapting to the user and how they deal with them defensively and proactively.


This may be the case. I notice that out of the many people who walk by, pan handlers tend to choose me to ask for money. In actuality, they probably have a better chance with someone else but I guess I look like the type to say “Oh you poor thing, here is some money”.

I’m not. I do give charity but typically to other people in other forms.

They don’t as often explicitly solicit the people who drive nice cars and wear expensive looking clothes. They have likely discovered an interesting aspect of human nature. The more wealth someone has, the less empathetic they tend to be and the less they are inclined to help another person. So these pan handlers have probably realized that those who are more needy are more willing to help others.

The same may be true for social situations. Toxic people may realize that socially awkward people have less friends and so therefor may be less selective.



DancingQueen
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29 Apr 2018, 4:22 pm

You befriend people like you/like people you've known/know because you recognise something in them and that a) draws your attention to them and b) makes you feel comfortable because it's something you're familiar with. It happens subconsciously.


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maradebaca
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30 Apr 2018, 7:31 pm

SocOfAutism wrote:
Back when I was working on research (I’m an autism researcher, not currently working on anything), another researcher and I noticed that aspies seem to be the target of user types.

I have seen you guys refer to them as toxic people, as narcissists, or as sociopaths, but generally it seems to be a person who has good “autdar” or “aspdar” and will try to trick the autistic person into some kind of social situation (friendship, relationship, whatever) with the goal of exploiting them. This could be as minor as just getting you to drive them around or dumping their emotions on you, or it could be getting you to pay for them, or pressuring you into sex. Autistic people seem to pretty much universally learn (the hard way) to recognize this behavior and cut off the person, but it varies on how long it takes. Sometimes people seem to get wise to it in their teens, but sometimes it takes a person into their elderly years to recognize the pattern and start protecting themselves.

I found it profoundly interesting. There has been some stuff written about user types, but as of last year I couldn’t find anything about a target population (such as autistics) adapting to the user and how they deal with them defensively and proactively.


This is really interesting.
Do you have any links that I can read further on this information, or book suggestions?
Would you happen to know why people with AS/ASD seem to be targets?
Also, are these people actually narcissists sociopaths, etc? Or do they just have “autdar” or “aspdar”?

Sorry for all the questions, I'm just wondering if you have anymore insights on this topic. I also think it's interesting.

(I've definitely been on the receiving end of every single instance of exploitation you mentioned lol).



BeaArthur
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30 Apr 2018, 7:59 pm

I'll bet that user type people don't only target autistic folks. I bet they are also going after anyone who seems naive, for whatever reason. It could be low intelligence, it could be someone that just moved out on their own for the first time, lack of sophistication, lonely elderly widows, immigrants who don't know the culture, whatever.

SocOfAutism, you were noticing this from your study of autistic people. I bet if you look at it from the standpoint of user types, you will find they exploit whatever comes down the pike.


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superaliengirl
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01 May 2018, 12:51 pm

Omg me too.

Every person I attract have some kind of issue (narcissism, bipolar, depression...) and they always seem to think I can "fix" them but they give me nothing good in return only treat me badly and it's just exhausting so I try really hard to avoid the people i'd usually connect with now and making myself give "better" people an honest chance.

I think this has a lot to do with how you view yourself! You attract those on the same level as you... If you see yourself as very troubled and miserable you attract people like that and if you're content and confident with yourself you'll attract the people who are as well and those people are usually more stable emotionally. It can also have to do with other things though, like the people you're used to being surronded by and if they are a certain way you'll keep attracting others like them because it feels familiar to you, remember though that just because they feel familiar and you instantly connect with them doesn't mean they're good for you.

So bottom line regardless of the reason it's about breaking some kind of pattern and as with everything else it starts within you. And you could also do as I do and NOT talk to the people you are instinctly "attracted" to but instead choose talking to the people you feel no instant desire to get to know and see if they turn out to be "better" people for you.