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starcats
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28 Mar 2018, 8:49 pm

Does anyone else have an extreme aversion to gossip? I get really agitated and sometimes physically sick when people around me are gossiping. Earlier today two people in my house were speaking in another language to each other and I felt myself getting very angry but couldn't figure out why. When one person left the other told me they had been talking about a third person. I guess I don't even have to understand the words...is it the tone? The fakeness?



SaveFerris
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28 Mar 2018, 8:58 pm

The problem I have with gossip is being told not to tell someone e.g. my GF , It gives me a real dilemma coz I have a problem lying ( although can do ). The secrecy of it and the thought that I might put my foot in my mouth eats me up , I don't deal with guilt well. I'm the type of person you should not tell about a surprise party unless you want it spoiled :roll: .


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28 Mar 2018, 9:34 pm

I despise gossip and when I've been around friends doing it, I've either excused myself from the conversation or told them I don't like talking about people who aren't present. I can't share the good feelings they (NTs) seem to get from bad-mouthing someone and making them in the social out-group. I also can't share the strengthening the in-group bonds of the people doing the gossip derive from it. On top of that I learned long ago that people who will gossip about another person to you will in turn gossip about you to other people. And being autistic there are probably quite a few differences that a person could criticize me over, or point out how weird I am, etc. And people I respect told me that gossip is just a form of character assassination anyway. When I've been sitting at a group dinner and people start gossiping about someone who isn't there or criticizing them, I become just incredibly uncomfortable - like I expect their hostility to turn on me. Maybe some of that comes from verbal bullying when I was a kid...



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28 Mar 2018, 10:03 pm

I also don't like gossip. I don't like people making others out to be the scapegoat. I think it's senseless and pointless and I put it in the same class as small talk. It's just plain annoying.


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29 Mar 2018, 3:39 am

CockneyRebel wrote:
I also don't like gossip. I don't like people making others out to be the scapegoat. I think it's senseless and pointless and I put it in the same class as small talk. It's just plain annoying.


I agree it's like small talk but even worse.


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29 Mar 2018, 6:16 am

I had an aversion to it when I was a kid, but I grew out of it in my early teens. I'm not much one for spreading it, since I'm not much of a talker, but I do indeed listen if I hear it, because I'm curious. That's not to say that I necessarily believe it, just that I want to know what they're saying.

I've even over heard classmates gossiping about another classmate while I was nearby reading, and I pricked up my ears to hear what he said. Had I been less attentive, I might have fallen off my chair! :lol:


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EzraS
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29 Mar 2018, 6:59 am

I'm pretty much totally disinterested in it.



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29 Mar 2018, 11:09 am

Yes I'm fairly extremely averse to it. Character assassination annoys me. I tend to let it go if it's about leaders or celebrities, but not if it's about real-life (so-called) friends and workmates. The groups I've felt most at home with haven't like gossip either. It does seem quite normal in certain sectors of society. People have to let off steam and it's not easy to try to directly resolve conflicts and suspicions between individuals, but if it's part of the culture to just bad-mouth each other in secret, then I lose my patience.



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29 Mar 2018, 11:50 am

I can't stand it when people to try to drag me into their gossiping. This girl that I used to work with keeps trying to get me to badmouth my boss to her. I refuse to because I like my boss and I don't want any drama at my work. My former coworker quit last year because my boss got the job( director of after school care)-- that my former coworker wanted. One of my current coworkers still talks to this girl and has said things about our boss to her. My coworker doesn't know my former coworker like I do. I have known my former coworker for almost 13 years(Her mom was a teacher at my old middle school and sponsored a club I was in) and worked with her for almost a year and a half. My current coworker only worked with her for 3 weeks and they only saw each other once a week when their hours overlapped. She seems to not realize that my former coworker is just using her for gossip about our boss. My former coworker basically pitches a fit when things don't go her way. She was ticked off when I came back to work after being in the hospital. She wanted my hours all to herself for the rest of the school year. My former coworker still hasn't found another job. If she didn't burn so many bridges, she could have had another job.

Basically, I can't stand gossip. I especially can't stand it when people try to use me or others to get gossip on their enemies so they can feel better about themselves. I know these people gossip about me behind my back and I don't appreciate it.



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29 Mar 2018, 11:55 am

I would say indifferent rather than averse mostly. However, I detest being expected to collude with plotting or covering up for what is being said behind another person's back. This is especially so when the expectation of secrecy isn't announced until after the tale has been told - that is making a person feel obliged to do something without giving them the opportunity to opt out, and is very wrong IMHO.


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29 Mar 2018, 12:13 pm

I have mixed feelings about gossip. I find it interesting, but I also hate it, especially if they're talking about someone I know and/or being nasty and judgmental.



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29 Mar 2018, 12:15 pm

I like gossip, and gossiping isn't always badmouthing. But if people are badmouthing someone, I do feel bad for that person, but I kind of play along anyway, just to be in with the group. People probably badmouth me sometimes anyway. You can't do much about it except think "what the ears don't hear the heart doesn't feel". Hearing people talk bad about me behind my back (and them thinking I can't hear) may make me more upset, but not when I'm not there.

Gossip does interest me. I love to be in with the gossip of the people in my life. It's fun to know who's pregnant, who's split up, who's had an argument, who's moving house, who's depressed, who's passed their driving test, the list goes on. It's what I enjoy writing stories about; a group of fictional people who live mundane lives but get into social scrapes and stuff. It seems to interest me.


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29 Mar 2018, 4:51 pm

EyeDash wrote:
I can't share the good feelings they (NTs) seem to get from bad-mouthing someone and making them in the social out-group. I also can't share the strengthening the in-group bonds of the people doing the gossip derive from it. On top of that I learned long ago that people who will gossip about another person to you will in turn gossip about you to other people. And being autistic there are probably quite a few differences that a person could criticize me over, or point out how weird I am, etc. And people I respect told me that gossip is just a form of character assassination anyway. When I've been sitting at a group dinner and people start gossiping about someone who isn't there or criticizing them, I become just incredibly uncomfortable - like I expect their hostility to turn on me. Maybe some of that comes from verbal bullying when I was a kid...


Exactly.



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29 Mar 2018, 4:55 pm

I find it disgusting and mean-spirited.



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29 Mar 2018, 5:37 pm

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starcats
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29 Mar 2018, 7:20 pm

nice cartoon!