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Nira
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07 Apr 2018, 4:06 am

Sometimes happened to me, that I thought about someone he is my friend. I liked him and I thought he like me similarly. Later happened something, what showed me it isn't true.

At school I had classmate. I thought she is my friend. When she sat alone, I came and sat down to her. Once I tried, if she sit to me, when I am alone and nothing. When I try to test it somehow it's not such a disappointment yet.

I tried talk with colleagues in my previous job, I gone for lunch with them, tried talk with them. Later I had problems with them, because they didn't work and I should do their work, they lied in their time sheets. But one from them was promoted as our team leader because he know talk with people.

I tried make friends between colleagues from other projects. When I met someone and I knew him, I greeted him and tried talk with him. Later I tried, if they start talk with me first and mostly not.

In my current job, I thought about someone that he is my friend and later when I asked him for help, he didn't help me.

A lot of people disappointed me, because I believed they like me as I like them. When I later realized that this isn't true, I felt long time really bad.

And now I'm afraid to try find some friends, because I expect same disappointment. This is next level of my problem. Has someone similar problem?


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HistoryGal
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07 Apr 2018, 7:19 am

Yes



alpacka
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16 Apr 2018, 7:53 am

I understand you for sure. I think this is a aspie-thing, the problem of not being able to read the subtle signs, the signs other people would feel right away. It´s not fare but I think it´s better to maybe take a step back and see who is trying to make contact with you, not the other way around ( a therapist told me that once and that was actually smart to just stop trying)



Summer_Twilight
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20 Apr 2018, 9:00 am

Nira wrote:
Sometimes happened to me, that I thought about someone he is my friend. I liked him and I thought he likes me similarly. Later happened something, what showed me it isn't true.

At school I had classmate. I thought she is my friend. When she sat alone, I came and sat down to her. Once I tried, if she sits to me, when I am alone and nothing. When I try to test it somehow it's not such a disappointment yet.

I tried talk with colleagues in my previous job, I gone for lunch with them, tried talking with them. Later I had problems with them, because they didn't work and I should do their work, they lied in their time sheets. But one from them was promoted as our team leader because he know talk with people.

I tried make friends between colleagues from other projects. When I met someone and I knew him, I greeted him and tried talk with him. Later I tried, if they start talk with me first and mostly not.

In my current job, I thought about someone that he is my friend and later when I asked him for help, he didn't help me.

A lot of people disappointed me, because I believed they like me as I like them. When I later realized that this isn't true, I felt long time really bad.

And now I'm afraid to try to find some friends because I expect same disappointment. This is next level of my problem. Has someone similar problem?


It sounds like you did your part to reach out to these people and they were not interested because they didn't understand. The truth is, there isn't anything wrong with you but something wrong with them. If you are reaching out inviting them to lunch and trying to be nice and they aren't interested then it's their loss.

I used to work in a position that "Supported employment" where the owner had a son with severe autism yet we didn't connect and she didn't seem to understand her employees with Asperger's. In fact, there were many times where she invited all the women out for lunch and shopping sprees except me. Whenever someone at work had a special event like a wedding, baby shower or housewarming party, she got gifts or cards for them. When it came to me having a housewarming party, she refused to come, respond to my invitation or even get me a gift or anything. In fact, no one from that company showed up for me. When she found out through the grapevine that she let me down, she couldn't even bother to say, "I'm sorry." Instead, she pulled me into the office and threw a hissy fit in front of the job coach because "Gossiped" about her. Yet, it was okay for her to gossip and put others down in which she did all the time. To this day, I am still very hurt about what she pulled on me and I went to their things all the time, while she doesn't seem to get it to this very day that she did me wrong.

Anyway, I have had lots of other disappointments from people but there are ones out there who you will find when you least expect it who won't. It sounds like finding a special interest group or a meet up with people who share the same passions that you do. The ones who we are talking about are people with low qualities and they aren't capable of being good friends or even very nice.



Nira
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21 Apr 2018, 3:36 am

Thank you for replies.

Quote:
The truth is, there isn't anything wrong with you but something wrong with them.
It happends to me long-term then probably I must do something wrong.

Quote:
It´s not fare but I think it´s better to maybe take a step back and see who is trying to make contact with you, not the other way around
Only few people is trying to make contact with me and if it happends I don't know much answer or express interest in him.
When it occurred to me to try it out if this person will come and start talk with me first, disappointing was lesser.

Quote:
I used to work in a position that "Supported employment"

I'm sorry. And I'm sorry even to the son that he has such a mother. It's probably hard for him. On supported employment I would expect that they will behave better to you.
In my job my boss didn't know about my AS. I didn't know it too. It was not easy, it took more than a year than he got used to, and now he has understanding for me. Now I can write him e-mail when I have some problem with him or with my job. Now finally it is good with him, but due to organizational changes I'll probably end up in another team. :( If your job was supported employment I would expect that she will have understanding from the beginning.
Once my boss asked me how I evaluate his because I wanted several times leave this job. I described him that I don't understand why he ask my colleague something what she can't know and she have to ask me, he avoided me. And they invite her on meetings, she had informations about project and me not and I felt ignored. He denied when I told him this, but later he changed his behavior in this. I had more problems in my job. For me it was hard to explain him, because this was things what was clear. I don't understand why he can't know it without telling. People maybe need explain clear things. I don't know if could help ask her why she invite other people and not you.


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Summer_Twilight
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21 Apr 2018, 9:25 pm

I don't want to get into what happened but I will tell you that the owner and a lot of the others were very immature. Thank you so much for apologizing because I was very hurt because I wanted to share my home with them but they refused.

At any rate

As far as doing something wrong goes, have you considered doing some research on practicing posture, body language and finding appropriate topics? Again, if they can't accept you then they aren't worthy of you.