Why them and not me? Wearing cool shirts in the Bible Belt

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One of my own posts made me think on this.

I just wonder why things worked out for them but not for me.

Stop comparing yourself to other people. It's not worth it. It doesn't help you; it hurts you.

Maybe being in bands helped them meet/appeal to people who are interested in band shirts?

That's another thing that didn't work out for me. Most of my male peers weren't interested in music; they preferred talking about football, cars, guns, and violent movies as well as video games. Admittedly, I wasn't interested in music until about my preteens but even then, most of my male peers weren't interested in music the way I was. I knew a guy who did want to start a band but we didn't live close by nor did the people he had in mind did either, and we eventually lost contact for various reasons. Generally throughout my developmental years, I didn't have any lasting neighborhood friends and stayed in my own bubble. I would actually constantly visualize what I wanted my future to be but when things didn't change, I started to become truly depressed.

clothes does not maketh the man imo

Yeah, I had something of a similar experience. I did have friends, even a couple of close friends who I still keep in contact with today, but in spite of that I didn't get out all that much. Now I'm probably propositioned with going out and doing stuff about the same amount (not all that much). The difference is now I've lost a lot of interest in it.

The whole depression thing is rough. You have this kind of image about how you would like life to be and time flies by and you feel no closer to it. The idea that depression is 'all in your head' is ridiculous imo. Some people's psychological needs are just not met through their life and experiences, and when you feel like prospects you strongly desire, especially those you desire most are just not viable for you, you start to wonder why even bother at all

Well how often do you wear metal t-shirts that would indicate you are interested in that? I mean it can certainly help to attract potential friends/relationship partners if you sort of dress the part as what you are after. I am sure plenty of these guys had struggles before finding someone, and some of the people you see together are in relationships that wont last.

Also, though where on earth do people have sex at shows, I don't see how anyone would get enough privacy at any point to have sex.

maybe try a few subversive t-shirts e.g.

Well no sense living in the past tense...I mean sure I understand its effected you negatively not fitting in and being unable to pursue some things you wanted to do but that is the past, its irrelevant as far as where to go here. What do you want to do now?...should be your focus.

I understand you can't just forget about your past experiences, but if you dwell in them too much it can drag you down causing a downward spiral that is hard to stop. So just for your own health I think you should stop living in the past, look at different jobs since you've expressed dissatisfaction with your current job, start looking into housing options to put some space between you and your mom and the unpleasant guys you've mentioned she likes to associate with. There are a lot of small things you can start doing to move things in the right direction which would also be likely to increase your chances of finding a relationship.

I wear them maybe two or three times a week but I mostly get "Who's that?" or "Never heard of them." when I respond to their questions so that's why I don't wear them more often as well as the fact I don't want to overwear certain shirts because I've had some ruined that way.

I am not exactly sure but I remember an ex-friend of my brother's going somewhere with a girl by the arm and I see couples cuddling and making out like crazy. I've also seen people tell stories how they've had sex at the venues. Unfortunately, when most women at these shows see me, they aren't interested in talking to me and some have even glared at me.

Why would a woman at a concert go out of their way to glare at you...what are you doing when they do. Thing is its possible due how negatively you see yourself it could be you take it as a glare when maybe they just looked your way. I mean unless you're like staring at a woman or trying to stay near them when they don't know you at all...its unlikely they would go out of their way to glare at you. I just don't see getting glared at, at a metal show unless you are really sticking out like a sore thumb.

I know sometimes people have thought I was glaring when I wasn't...so its possible to mistake peoples expressions or even be giving off an expression you're not aware of. That said most people at concerts especially with metal are there for the performance so women at these shows are unlikely to be paying much attention to guys..besides its too loud to start a real conversation. Most my interactions at a concert maybe last all of 5 minutes and then I never see the people again.

All that said though if someone glares at you at a show....so what? Just enjoy the show and forget about them, if they want to spend the show glaring at people that is their loss.

Also though people bragging about things like having sex at a venue aren't always being honest, mix that with a few beers and the exaggerations and boasting may get even further from the truth. Basically you can't entirely believe every story you hear....and certainly don't get down on yourself about it. I mean realistically does having sex in a venue even sound like that great of an accomplishment to you? I mean usually bathrooms have piss on the floor from tons of drunk people using them then the rest of the venue is full of sweaty metal fans. I mean there'd be nothing like sex amidst a bunch of smelly metal-heads headbanging and moshing around and not in a good way. Like that would be gross.

It tends to happen if I walk somewhere (Not when the band is playing) and they happen to be there. My mind immediately tells me they don't like me and I think it partly has to do with how a female swim teacher hit me on the head with a plastic ring; I was always having female peers saying my name in a harsh tone along with "Stop it." or something like that. I am not entirely sure but something programmed me to think that a face that isn't smiling was an angry face. I don't stare because I am worried about getting a negative response and I find eye contact to be difficult. I have tried talking to girls but they only give me languid replies and stop when I run out of things to say. I suppose I hope for them to have something like "liquid courage" which would make them break gender roles but that's never happened to me, even before I ever heard that term. I guess I was also hoping maybe after being alone for so long that maybe "my time" would finally come but that's never happened either.

One of the stories was actually from an older woman (38 or so) who I had cyber sex with and she wanted to re-live the scenario through that way. Admittedly, it does sound better in a fantasy scenario than reality.

Two things that do make me the odd man out at these events would be that I don't drink or smoke. I generally don't like the taste of alcohol nor the smell of smoke. Growing up, people like my grandmother, teachers, church elders, and things like media ads telling me both things were "bad" or "sinful" so I avoided those things but I would be baffled when others my age were doing those things behind closed doors. I don't think those things are immoral anymore but for personal reasons I still can't do either. My older brother and the guys who terrorized me also ruined both things for me because they would get so buzzed and strung out they would both mentally and physically abuse me and the clubs in my area cater mainly to the redneck and hip hop cultures so even if I did do those things, I still wouldn't have any fun. I would be called a "fa***t" for being single and be told the music I like is "screaming and talentless crap".

I will say that the guy who wore Cradle of Filth, Children of Bodom, and Nile shirts did have a break up with his girlfriend and he tried to kill himself. My brother's ex-friend with the tanked bands also had a break up and he's never fully recovered.

I really just hope someday a single gothic or other alternative girl will smile at me instead of looking uninterested or scornful. I am almost 30 but I still feel like the young teenager who was stuck at home while life passed him by. I can leave my home but mentally I still feel stuck.

You should never compare yourself to other people. If you did that less, you'd be a much happier person. If I compared myself to everyone else in British Columbia and especially the first 11 days of November, I'd be in a psych ward.

A t-shirt doesn't replace social skills.

I was sometimes warned about falling into a vicious cycle in the first year the depression kicked in but I didn't know how to avoid it. I felt like I had fallen so far behind and I was being told to climb a mountain without any experience.

People who walk around looking like walking billboards for bands with names like "Cradle of Filth" and similar extreme names are not people I'd hang around with and you shouldn't wish to emulate them. Popular doesn't necessarily translate to likeable, nice or good to be around. In fact, some of these people are pretty toxic.