Ignored And Judged

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Does anyone else get ignored and judged frequently? Almost every time I go out, I get dirty looks from people, looks that make me feel badly, as if I'm going to do something I'm not suppose to. I hate being around people for that reason. I'm not sure if I'm inadvertently putting out bad body language or something.

I have a lot of anxiety, and always self conscious, have been for a long time. When I try to make friends, or talk to people, they ignore, a lot of times right away. I started trying to talk to storm tour companies about Tornadoes, because I'm obsessed for some reason. None of them. Only one company wrote back. I feel it is a curse. Do people just hate me because I'm not like everyone else? I write all kinds of different things on Facebook, none of them care. No 'likes' or comments. I try to open up like other people have done and been successful. I can't see the difference, but I blame it on my lack of communication skills.

I often feel ignored too.

Maybe you only think that people judge or look at you when you go out.

I don't use facebook much, but if you have more facebook friends, your posts can see more people and if they have a lot of next friends, this help show your posts more people. You can try write on facebook in different times. If someone like your post soon after you wrote it, your post can see more people than if you write it at night and no one like it long time. If you post some video from youtube (google), this post may be less visible, because this is competition... It does not have to be just only lack of communication skills but how facebook works.

All the time. I'm glad you posted this. It's definitely helpful for me to be in therapy with an autism specialist and to work with peer mentors on my social skills. My therapist said next week we'll start to work on my info dumping. It's great to have a place to develop these skills.

Facebook is not a great place for us, because we have free reign to say whatever we want whenever we want, and so things can get really out of hand. Once people get overwhelmed by us they often don't come back around.

Although, if you have the time to burn, Autistics Worldwide is a great group. I had to quit facebook altogether in December because I just lost days and days of my life to that group. People will respond and interact. It's a good place to get virtual friendship. Not the real thing, but it's something.

The only problem with socializing using social media with other autistic people is that it can enable our social dysfunction and makes forging real life connections with other people even harder.

I do feel people give me dirty looks not sure if they are actually doing it or its just my perception or even I am the one originally giving the dirty look.

People tend to ignore me too. Nobody ever wants to sit with me during coffee and doughnuts after church. People only come around when their popular friends aren't around. It seems like people have no interest in making new friends or sitting with people they don't usually sit with.

Elle Gaunt, I know what you mean about Facebook. Mine is mostly weather, food and freeway groups. Works perfectly. These groups are about my interests.

First of all, I love your special interests. FREEWAY GROUPS. You are amazing. <3

Second of all, that's smart. I actually set up a new facebook account just to interact with the actuarial association at my school, and that has totally helped. I personally can't use it to socialize because I become a monster.

I get that all the time, especially from women, though not exactly when "going out", since I never do that, unless you just mean physically walking outside.

It seems to be only getting worse. I've recently found out I can't even look at a woman's face for at most three seconds (though I'm exaggerating for good measure and it may have been considerably less), from the other side of a pair of train tracks, trying to see whether she is the source of a waft of smoke I'd rather stop breathing in (there wasn't anyone else closer to me), before she points her eyes sideways at me with a look like she's just caught me with my hand in the cookie jar.

For me it's more things I say being ignored, even when I've asked a question. This happens with people I know as well as strangers.

Oh, it's long been a fact of life for me, too, that just because someone asks you a question doesn't mean they're actually more interested in getting a useful answer than in going out of their way to ignore you, quickly decide you're not worth the trouble, stop listening to you mid-sentence and go away or ask someome else right in front of you

I get ignored quite a lot but I've no hard evidence that I get judged very much. People can't do both at the same time.

If I go to a party or similar-format social event, I don't know how to engage with people. Occasionally I might greet somebody I vaguely know, but after that I don't know what to say, and usually they're soon gone. It's a lot better when there are several people around that know and like me, but otherwise it's mostly just embarrassing, I have no role, what am I supposed to do? Stand / sit about staring into space? It also brings back horrible memories of when I was a teenager at a youth club, and rather than give up I'd try to force things to fit, saying whatever came into my head and talking incessantly until they practically ran away. The only time I've felt OK about spending an evening in a pub was when I was in a band. We'd usually not know anybody at the venue so we'd tend to stick to each other, and we were fairly close, and of course we had a common practical purpose so there was plenty to talk about.

If the group is small enough, suddenly it's less of a problem. One-on-one, it's no problem at all. There's less of a "them" to socialise with itself while it ignores me, and technically I can talk for 1/nth of the time, where n = total number of people in group. People at a gathering tend to stay in small groups, so you'd think that would work for me, but I guess it's something about the permission to muscle in, if I'm in a small group for another reason then that permission has already been established, but at a gathering I'd have to do the "mind if I join you?" thing, which I don't think I've ever done.

As for the judgement side of it, socially I wouldn't want anything to do with highly judgemental people, so if they think I'm a jerk, that's good, I'm better off without them. But I seem to have learned how to smell them and avoid them. If a group of people is too hard to work with socially, I stay away. I know there are people who aren't like that, so it makes no sense to waste time trying to fit in with the wrong crowd.

All the time. And I would often get hung up on what I said to someone: was it too offensive? Should O have really said that, etc?
I would walk into a room and think if anyone was looking at me they were judging me and it was usually negative.
I have gotten better due to taking drugs to help with anxiety.

I have been discussing this with my therapist the past couple visits, actually, as I’ve noticed it happens almost daily with at least one person. Quite annoying and disrespectful... most times they don’t even try to hide it. I have also noticed every time I go anywhere with people I’m always concocting ideas of what they’re all thinking about me and it’s ALWAYS negative... Maybe someday I’ll outgrow this?

I think body language and speech qualities probably contribute to this. Slumped posture, which we may not even be aware of, says "don't notice me" or even "you should be careful around me." A soft or hesitant voice tells others "you can safely ignore me, talk over me, or judge me."

If I absolutely need help from a receptionist or wait staff, I will raise my voice slightly, make strong eye contact, and sit or stand up as tall as possible. Of course, since I am autistic, this sometimes backfires, but it also gets me the service I want at least some of the time.

I don't know about feeling ignored, but I usually feel judged most days, because I have a hard time recognising facial expressions, so I can't just spontaneously interpret them and I have to think consciously about the appropriate response.

How does it backfire? The kind of backfiring I’m familiar with is when my loud voice or my insecure, aggressive body language tells the other person I’m trying to claim a status I absolutely do not have and they, surely enough, put me in my place in a painful way, so it gets through my thick skull. It doesn’t sound like your case.