Had a bad experience at an Autistic event today

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smudge
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22 Apr 2018, 9:17 am

neilson_wheels wrote:
It's an instinct or trait for many, mostly NTs, to group together. The fact that one person has chosen to occupy a new area means that it must be good over there and should now be 'colonised'.


That makes sense. The same goes for parking spaces, people tend to park next to each other. I guess it’s security.


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skibum
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22 Apr 2018, 10:18 am

Anthracite_Impreza wrote:
skibum wrote:
Great idea. I will definitely bring it up. Thank you

Glad to have helped; hopefully you can now focus on the positives of the film you were watching c:
Yes. I wrote an email to the lady who was in charge of the event last night. And one of the things I asked her was if we are in a meet up group and there are people like me who are alone and have no advocates or caregivers and who do not always have the emotional or mental capacities to confront parents or caregivers successfully, if we are being bullied or hurt, is there someone in the group that we can go to for help? This may not have been something that they had considered in the past since most of the people have caregivers or parents who are responsible for them. But that is a really important thing that they need to consider because there will be some people like me who come alone and who may need that kind of help if someone gets out of hand. So yes, you were a great help in this. I would not not have thought of it if you had not mentioned it.

And you were right, since I wrote the email and let the lady know, I am able to really focus on the fact that I really liked the movie very much and I can really enjoy that memory. Thank you so much. :D


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22 Apr 2018, 10:24 am

Joe90 wrote:
I usually have this problem in public places, not with autistics but with people with small children. A whole cinema or bus or restaurant can have lots of available seats to choose from, but, lo and behold, the parents will choose the seats right behind/next to me and expect me to put up with it. It does get frustrating.
Yeah, I totally don't understand that. Why do they have to sit next to people when there are so many seats available if their kids are going to be a nuisance. It makes no sense whatsoever.


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22 Apr 2018, 10:26 am

neilson_wheels wrote:
It's an instinct or trait for many, mostly NTs, to group together. The fact that one person has chosen to occupy a new area means that it must be good over there and should now be 'colonised'.
That is just weird. I believe you when you explain this but it boggles my mind to try to understand it. I guess it will just have to be one of those NT concepts that makes no sense to me.


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22 Apr 2018, 10:30 am

smudge wrote:
I don’t think it was because his kid was autistic, I think it was just because it was his kid. I think some parents are inconsiderate these days and let their kids run riot, even if they’re well behaved kids. My sister’s children listen to me if I ask them to stop banging chairs loudly or acting naughty in another way. It really doesn’t take much, just a slightly stern, “No” or “Don’t do that please”. It’s the parents, not the children. Parents seem to think they are angels but again, it isn’t the children’s fault, it’s the parents being selfish.

There is also this thing in East London and Essex where there are lots of empty seats around in public transport and people will sit right behind you or often next to you. BirdInFlight experienced the same thing. I think it’s a local thing here. Why people do it, I have no idea.
He was an adult. He was a "lower functioning" Autistic adult. He was the adult child of the dad. So I am pretty sure that the behavior was because of his Autism. I don't blame him. I blame the dad. And especially since the dad did not think to apologize even when I had to get up and move, it makes me think that the dad thinks that their particular situation with this "lower functioning" Autistic Adult child makes them completely entitled to be allowed whatever behavior this guy does no matter how it might affect other people.


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neilson_wheels
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22 Apr 2018, 11:28 am

skibum wrote:
neilson_wheels wrote:
It's an instinct or trait for many, mostly NTs, to group together. The fact that one person has chosen to occupy a new area means that it must be good over there and should now be 'colonised'.
That is just weird. I believe you when you explain this but it boggles my mind to try to understand it. I guess it will just have to be one of those NT concepts that makes no sense to me.


Hello SB, it only makes sense in a safety in numbers, huddle together for warmth, or even grooming the nits off of each other, kind of way. Obviously none of these are needed in a modern cinema, and the choice of wanting a little personal space should be respected. You would think that being part of a Autism group would mean better degree of consideration, not less. I think it's a good idea to have a chat about it now that you are more calm.

I went my ADHD meetup last week and there was very few spaces left at the table, one of the last to sit down chose the space next to me. Then pulled out a bucket of nasty smelling chicken wings and legs and spent the next half an hour munching away. :evil:



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22 Apr 2018, 12:42 pm

neilson_wheels wrote:
skibum wrote:
neilson_wheels wrote:
It's an instinct or trait for many, mostly NTs, to group together. The fact that one person has chosen to occupy a new area means that it must be good over there and should now be 'colonised'.
That is just weird. I believe you when you explain this but it boggles my mind to try to understand it. I guess it will just have to be one of those NT concepts that makes no sense to me.


Hello SB, it only makes sense in a safety in numbers, huddle together for warmth, or even grooming the nits off of each other, kind of way. Obviously none of these are needed in a modern cinema, and the choice of wanting a little personal space should be respected. You would think that being part of a Autism group would mean better degree of consideration, not less. I think it's a good idea to have a chat about it now that you are more calm.

I went my ADHD meetup last week and there was very few spaces left at the table, one of the last to sit down chose the space next to me. Then pulled out a bucket of nasty smelling chicken wings and legs and spent the next half an hour munching away. :evil:
Oh my goodness, that is horrible. I am sorry you had to endure that.

I see what you mean though about the instinctive huddle thing. That makes sense to understand it that way.


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22 Apr 2018, 3:07 pm

Usually when I'm on a bus or at the cinema, people would rather sit away from strangers if they can. But when there are parents with children, they seem to want to huddle near other people for some reason. And most childless people like myself would rather not have to be seated next to small children when there are plenty of other empty places. But parents seem to think "hey hey, I've got kids with me, I have more priority than anyone else because I've got kids!"

If I were in the cinema situation like the OP, I would have moved. I know it doesn't sound right to have to be the one to move when someone else is bothering you, but should plan A fail (which is asking them politely to stop kicking your seat), you've got 3 options; you can either make a scene, put up with it or move to another seat. I'm too nice-natured to make a scene, and I shouldn't have to put up with it, so I'd just get up and move somewhere else where I can sit and enjoy the movie in peace.
As Aspies have pointed out to me on this site before, you can't control the behaviour of other people but you can control your own behaviour.

But I do understand why you would be feeling the way you do. I mean, if there was ample empty seats where the man and his autistic son could have sat, why choose the seat right behind you if he knows his son may be a bother like that? It makes me insane with questioning the mentality of some people.


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cubedemon6073
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22 Apr 2018, 3:23 pm

Skibum, I've had that happen to me both on the airplane and in a movie theater. Let me tell you I hate that f*****g s**t. I was so pissed that I had to take deep breaths to calm me down lest me smack the f*****s who were kicking my seat kid or no kid.



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22 Apr 2018, 3:35 pm

I'm sorry that kid ruined your day. I also think that kid should have been disciplined. Autism is never an excuse for bad behaviour.


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22 Apr 2018, 3:48 pm

I get things like this (though not as bad) all the time with kids behaving badly, and you expect the parent to say something or at least apolergise and they don't. It makes me want to slap them, the parent, I mean.

I think the idea about someone being assigned for autistics on their own if there's a problem is really good one.