Agree to disagree
Sweetleaf
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It means exactly what it says. Two sides see that they will not agree on something, and don't want conflict about it.
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neilson_wheels
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What other people already said is correct- stating that you have opposing opinions and will not debate the issue further.
It is meant to be respectful, but I have noticed that combative types seem to take it the opposite way. They are fixed on you agreeing with them and take this absolute statement as offensive. In this circumstance, I think your strategy should be to get the other person to stop talking about the subject.
I learned something from my husband many years ago that works wonders. My husband is an aspie with a naturally blank face and I am NT with a very expressive face. Instead of saying “agree to disagree”, when the other person makes their point for the millionth time, look at them right in the face (if you can, otherwise clearly look somewhere else, such as at what you are doing), keep your face as blank as possible, and say, “Okay.”
If they keep talking, do it again: “Okay.” If they still keep going, say, “I understand you.” Or “Got it.” Then back to Okay, but they shouldn’t talk about it again.
It works like you wouldn’t believe.
It basically means "shut up, I won't talk about this anymore with you" because you both have different opinions on a subject and it will just turn into a big argument bringing out strong emotions. So the other person prefers to not discuss it with you. Whenever someone says "agree to disagree" they mean they want to stop talking about it and it's meant to silence you. It's basically shutting down the discussion because they do not like your opinion and they feel threatened by it so it's their polite way of shutting it down than getting all heated about it.
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Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.
Totally agree! I also think its often coupled with looking down on the other person, as in "lets not talk about it because I am obviously right, you are obviously wrong, but you are too ret*d to see it, so lets agree to disagree because there is no reason to argue with the moron". No wonder the other party wants to keep arguing: anybody who has been put down that way wants to defend themselves, thats only healthy. But the party that wants to "agree to disagree" refuses to see it and would just say that person is being argumentative.
To provide to you one blatant example of this, I read the other day about someone in the mental institution being treated against their will. When they would try to convince doctors to lower the dose of medications or whatever, the doctors would just say "agree to disagree". Its not just one doctor that would say it, but all of them, so its like the instruction they were given or something. Well, how can that person "agree to disagree" if he is being forced to take the meds? Thats just absurd!
Well, thankfully I have never been hospitalized nor forced to take any meds either. But social ostracism is the same kind of concept, just a much milder version of it. So when I had conflicts with the girls I was dating, or when I was complaining on facebook as to why people in general don't talk to me, the "agree to disagree" is the message I kept getting, and I always took it as a put-down.
It is meant to be respectful, but I have noticed that combative types seem to take it the opposite way. They are fixed on you agreeing with them and take this absolute statement as offensive. In this circumstance, I think your strategy should be to get the other person to stop talking about the subject.
I learned something from my husband many years ago that works wonders. My husband is an aspie with a naturally blank face and I am NT with a very expressive face. Instead of saying “agree to disagree”, when the other person makes their point for the millionth time, look at them right in the face (if you can, otherwise clearly look somewhere else, such as at what you are doing), keep your face as blank as possible, and say, “Okay.”
If they keep talking, do it again: “Okay.” If they still keep going, say, “I understand you.” Or “Got it.” Then back to Okay, but they shouldn’t talk about it again.
It works like you wouldn’t believe.
Some of the girls I was dating were doing it to me, and it never worked. As a matter of fact I got even more angry by "okay", "got it" than anything else they would say, because I took it as a form of silent treatment.
Here is the latest example. So I dated a girl last November, and I had a falling out with her, but then I made up to her by doing an early Christmas thing (it was early Christmas because I was going to go see my mom in California). Now, "before" that early Christmas thing I was asking her "how long will it take for us to be close again" and she kept saying "time" which I found frustrating but eventually I accepted it. But then right in the beginning of the early Christmas thing I got her some flowers (it would have never occurred to me, I did that because she mentioned that that was one of the things I weren't doing so I decided to do it) and she immediately gave me a really positive reaction, so I actually asked her "are we back together" she said "yes" in a really enthusiastic way. So I thought that the problem was solved. But then after the early Christmas I asked her just in case "so how long will it take for us to be as close as we were used to" and she said "time" and I was like "WOW, so I am back to square 1?! WHy is that? I thought early Christmas went well?" And then she did something similar to what you just described: using phrases such as "we are good for the most part". Well, "we are good" is what I can hear from my male roommates; "for the most part" why is that, what part isn't good? And also why it she was no longer calling me "cutie" or any other affectionate names she used to call me? I found it SUPER-frustrating. By the way she broke up with me few weeks later.
Two plus two make five. If you think the correct result is four, let’s agree to disagree.
Try that when buying or selling something and arguing about the change and tell me how well it goes down
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