Signs that women are interested in a guy

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A thought that has occured to me often when reading L&D is that perhaps there could have been signs given by women that they were romantically interested in me, but I didn't notice them or didn't clearly understand what they meant. There have definitely been times in conversation that women appeared to be giving signs that they might be interested in me like I thought that they were but I wasn't sure and so didn't do anything in case I was mistaken(since I can be prone to misunderstanding people and have learned to be more careful in situations that I might not understand). I would like to improve my understanding of this so I can be able to correctly understand signals at least a greater percentage of the time and better know how to respond appropriately.


I've wondered about these signals for some time but also had a theory that women might hide or falsify these signals to try to gain advantage through uncertainty for the other person(which on a logical level is kind of what PUA does). I made a topic asking about/analyzing what I would consider the logical mirror counterpart to PUA which did not get many replies, but that is still helpful as IMO it shows it isn't a big thing in dating for women and probably not a big thing to be focused on. I therefore think it probably isn't the typical case for women to basically trick the guy into asking her out specifically just so she can embarrass him by rejecting him or evaluating guys based on complex mind games.


I can't utilize spoiler tags which is what I do on other forums for stuff not necessarily vital to topic so I'll do this:
------------------------------------------------>>Extra stuff<<------------------------------------------------
I made a topic about "risk factor" which is not referring to the idea of risk in terms of a "risky"/dangerous guy but the potential idea of the possibility of rejection being a substantive factor for women to evaluate men, whereby they would purposefully avoid giving strong indicators of interest in order to maintain a degree of uncertainty and see how guys handle it.
Basically:

-A woman meets a potentially interesting/attractive guy, initial conversation goes well and both get some sense of potential chemistry
-She hides her interest or even signals disinterest instead, creating uncertainty. This creates a test whereby the guy faces an uncertain situation and his response may reveal things about his character/personality/etc.
- This would create a dichotomy between a strong dating interest/high quality guy who would rise to the challenge and weak guy who will run away thus the guy would prove/disprove worthiness by either pursuing relationship anyway or not doing so. Basically measuring their individual response to adversity and potentially selecting those who tend to demonstrate growth and/or stoicism when faced with adversity over those who respond negatively to adversity.

The problem with this scenario(if it were entirely true and universal of all women) for me is that I am careful by nature about this kind of thing so as to avoid embarrassing situations that can happen to due to misunderstandings and my general social difficulties. I think this is relevant on WP as likely many people with Aspergers learn to avoid certain behaviours and perhaps be more reserved so as to avoid highly embarrassing situations that can happen. It's more so doubts about the social situation rather than doubts specifically of personal value.

I dunno what the typical female does (apart from what I could google about it but presumably you've already done that). I know what I do, but the caveat is:

- I'm an aspie
- I have androgynous tendancies (gendernorms schmendernorms)
- I often get told here that I'm some kind of exception to the "rule"

Who do you want to hear from?

I would say anyone, large variety of view points. My position so far is I don't actually know what it is I "want". So many androgynous tendancies/exception to the rule might be the ideal for me, I don't actually know one way or the other yet.

All I know for sure are a lot of things I don't want in a girlfriend which include:
-Abusive
-Violent or otherwise dangerous
-Manipulator/gaslighter
-Controlling to an unhealthy degree
-Misandrist
-Mind games
-Prejudiced towards Aspergers or other qualities I have
-Those who don't want mutual relationship but instead just use me for cash or something
-Unhealthy lifestyle(ie Drug addicts)

How refreshing to hear. Well, I will sometimes blatantly tell/show someone I'm interested, but if I'm being more subtle (usually because I'm trying to gauge their interest too), I might:

Hold eye contact a bit longer than with others;
Smile at them for no particular reason other than to show interest;
Attempt to reduce the physical space between us compared to my normal distance;
Touch them when I'm laughing at their hilarious joke (like a nudge, or briefly touching their arm);
Never say I'm too busy to hang out (I'll make time for them);
Invite them to hang out;
Other stuff I can't think of right now.

Hope that gives some insight.

^ Its a similar list for me.
I believe ASD men can need very obvious signs of interest, but that could exclude women who are more conservative leaning and those who do not understand autism, its a risky thing indeed to be that open with someone you like.

I thought I had replied yesterday but apparently it seems the post got lost or something. I've had it happen a lot on this site. My guess is Cloudflare is to blame.

My position is anyone who needs to know already does.

My experience is that those who aren't already familiar(ie they themselves have ASD or family members with ASD) will react negatively. I will not be open about it unless it's evident that both they're already familiar with it and are accepting of it but such people will not need to be told about it.

Anything to do with autism is treated as an awful thing by the average person and they're hostile towards it so by default I will deny having it. For conversation purposes with most NTs, no literal proof given means it isn't true. No proof means it didn't happen and I will treat it as an attack on my character. Most NTs seem to have the flat-earth view that ASD means dangerous individual.


This is definitely helpful. I think the more specific kinds of signs I have in mind the more likely I will be able to recognize interest, since everybody will show their interest in different ways.

Some girl in my class does this to me, but she's got a boyfriend. Lmao, screw my life.

How do you tell if a women is interested in you, or not?

There can be a thousand ways to tell if someone is interested in you, or not. Not everyone behaves the same way when they are interested.

One thing I look for: She acts differently around you , than she does other people. For example, she might be friendly and outgoing with everyone else, but she is nervous and shy around you...This tells you that she sees you differently than other people. That being said, does she see you as being weird and creepy, or does she a potential romantic interest in you? In order to figure this out, you need to add all of the sings and signals together, to get a good idea about her.

This isn't an exact science, but it can give you a good idea about someone.

I am an aspie girl with "androgynous tendencies" so I wont probably be much of help but when I am interested in someone (can be a girl or a guy, doesn't matter) I:

- Stare at them.
- Get uncontrollable smile on my face when I spot them.
- Call them to sit near me or sit near them.
- Initiate talks.
- Ask them questions.
- Wait for them to go to the bus stop together and perhaps even go a few stops together even if I am not living in the same direction (I will go to a shop thats there or something like that).
- Exchange contact information (but it will take a while for me to actually use it - I need it in case they suddenly stop attending the place I usually see them, such as school).
- Eventually I will start touching them every now and then, but that's when we already become close friends.

I will only say I like them when I get frustrated with the status quo and stop caring whatever they leave or go out with me as long as there is some closure. At first I will be too scared of them dumping me (=no chance to get to know them better) or dating me (= probably progressing too fast) to mention it because I want them in my life at least till I figure out my own feelings and if or not they are worth it. I don't want to give them a false hope and disappointment if I mistook curiosity for love or if they are not my type after all. Friendship is a save way to test the water.

Thanks Kiriae, that's actually a lot more helpful than you'd think. Not all guys are into girly girls.

I view that as no different from the PUA concept "Plates" whereby even when already in a relationship the individual continues to try to network with more dating prospects(basically going out and pretending to be single and searching while the current BF/GF is not around) to get more phone numbers to keep on the side, in "reserve" so to speak. The image used to convey this concept is that of balancing multiple plates on sticks


-Helps act as a buffer for current relationship. If she gets dumped or loses interest in current boyfriend it matters less to her or perhaps not at all if she has multiple guys ready to replace him at any time.
-Affirmation from having multiple people around in your life who are attracted to you and available to date if you want.
-Simply about options, the above two points mean it is a much easier decision to leave the current relationship if she wants to.

This adds a notion of safety and of changing the power dynamic(it is claimed that the one who wants/needs the relationship less holds the power) which changes behaviour in a way that is argued to be more attractive.



True but I think the more signs/signals we internalize the better the ability to identify real interest will become. The ideal case would be being aware of 100 or more different little signs. Nervous and shy can be a good one but problem is it could be her intuition picking up on ASD and feeling uncomfortable because of it.


Agreed.

so any advice for someone who gets scared looks? xD

then again, they might not be. i suck at body language...

Nudity?

that aint gonna have a positive outcome either, since im a bit fat xD

but honestly, all i get is scared glances or by the time i do actually really like a chick, i'm already either deep inside the dreaded "friendzone"(shorthand, i know it's far more complicated), they already have a boyfriend or they turn out to be gay.

it's always one of the 3, if i even get beyond the "scared look"-phase.

tried losing weight a lot, because of health and sex appeal, but nothing i do seems to cut down on my fat reserves. i get stronger and bigger... and more intimidating xD

Last bumped by SSJ4_PrestonGarvey on 18 May 2018, 12:02 am.